Wednesday, June 06, 2007

An American Immigration Primer

A is for Assembly, calling patriots forth
A is for Americans who come from the north
A is for Amnesty the forgiven oppose
And A is for Alien with dirt on his clothes

A is for Anglos, who speak the Queen's tongue
A is for Arizona, no place to run.
A is for Albuquerque, where New Mexicans gather
or A can be Ames or Abilene if you'd rather.

A is for the Alamo, never forgot
And wept for profusely over beer when it's hot
The cause that men died for is shrouded with mystery
In San Antonio, Mexico, if you follow history.

A is for the Advocate, securing our borders,
Loyal and noble and barking out orders
To all who will march and don't mind hot air.
Go down to Home Depot, there's folks like that there.

A is for Asses like Tancredo and Dobbs
Lamenting the loss of American jobs
While making a fortune from babble and bellow
Proclaiming a menace with brown the new yellow.

A is for Axiom, called "debate" in this nation
A is for Alphabet, the start of education.
A is for Anxiety over wage and disease
Perhaps we'll do better if we get to the Bs.

GASBAG, n. An occidental Guru.


Anonymous said...

A little angry this [late] morning? I am not surprised to find Lou Dobs in a definition that starts with "A"

Ariel the Thief said...

nah, anger makes one move faster, doesn't it?

Ariel the Thief said...

some folks say Americans are from the Vikings. but from who are those living in the middle of the land?

I enjoyed this poem.

TLP said...

A is for anger,argue, and alcohol; time you had a brew.

B is for bachelor and brainy, that's you.

C is for critic. Who? Not you.

Gasbag: One who has more wind than wit.

Anonymous said...

O is for Outstanding, Doug. Nicely crafted.

Gasbag: A large, mostly vacant space, typically filled with a noxious effluent, that makes a sound like human speech when exhausted under pressure through the neck.

Air Time: The regularly scheduled partial deflation of a Gasbag.

Kyahgirl said...

A is for Astounding and Acerbic!
Nicely done.

Doug The Una said...

Nope, Dad. Sometimes my editorial standards feel like a short leash to me, too. If you can't guess, I watched the Republican debate last night. I had underestimated Tancredo. He actually is that dopey.

Ariel, anger is the thermal beneath my wings. The middle of the land was originally settled by turkeys. I carry that legacy forward.

TLP, you think it's time I start drinking? You may be right. To be honest, I'm just bitter because I couldn't come up with anything this morning.

Al, that's a great definition for Gasbag and for Lou Dobbs Tonight.

Thanks, Laura. Actually, I kind of expected you to point out who was really from the North. Maybe Jenna will call me on that.

The Old Mule said...

Well done! I can almost weep with pleasure with a line such as:

"A is for Amnesty that the forgiven oppose."

If I had a stein, I would bang it on the wood bar bench. Who are (we), after all, to act so endemic?

Si, somos pavos del estado. Y el estado es un un zoo de cambio.

~Mo'a~ said...

"A": is for Absent...which I am no longer.

You are an Occidental Guru...but a Gasbag...NO!!!

This is a great it...wish I could say what I feel as elquently as you.

Mother Theresa said...

Your poem was absolutely brilliant.

Gasbag: According to some, this is a bovine animal that is destroying the ozone layer with its flatulent output.

Unknown said...

Gasbag: An allusion to the voyage of Odysseus, who had for him imprisoned in a bag all of the winds save those which would take him home. When the fools surrounding him got curious and allowed it to vent, everything was ruined.

Kyahgirl said...

see Doug, I didn't even catch that reference to 'the north'. You coulda just been referring to people from Alaska. I never forget there are Americans north of me. And, oddly enough, a penguin. :-)

Sar said...

I heartily offer my standing ovation for this post.

Gasbag: Via hand-raising in recent debates, the characteristic taken from candidates and assumed by moderators.

Doug The Una said...

Mule, and I'll toast your " Y el estado es un un zoo de cambio." Como se dice "Cluck" en Castellano?

Welcome home, Mo'a. You've been missed.

Theresa, nothing stuns me more than that in the whole environmental movement, it's the flatulence of cows that worries folks.

Wombat, welcome! And that's a great reference for "Gasbag." In the end, the Bard of Chios gave us all the monsters that prowl still today.

Kyah, if you aren't going to act superior, what's the point of Canadian citizenship?

Sar, thank you. *bows* Perfect analysis of the new moderation, too. I agree.

G said...

B is for bureacrat
oy don't get him started!
For that matter, don't get me started.

Gasbag: The Board of Education of the fine city of New York is lead by one as they leave no child behind.

Nessa said...

You made a rhyme. Excellent.

Gasbag: Anyone who voices the opinion that only he knows the truth.

G said...

By the way, nicely done on the poem.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

gasbag - A container, frequently in the shape of a human, that contains the stink of the world and isn't afraid to release it.

TLP said...

What'dyamean? You "couldn't come up with anything this morning."?
You came up with something very good. And good is just one occidental too many for God. You were that close.

Bachelor and brainy and bitter! HOW, how, oh, how, could I have left out BITTER????

Minka said...


According to recent findings, we Vikings found your continent way before that Columbus dude got out of his diapers. Eric the Red, if I remember correctly...boy I really should read up on that.

Where was I?

Oh yeah...

A is for Anfang, genau for zwei Jahren! herzlichen Glueckwunsch!

Anonymous said...

B is for brilliant. which is what this poem is (after watching all those gasbags in last night's debate, words starting with "F" came to my mind -- ah, to be as clever and well-articulated as you are, my friend) ; )

thinkin' TLP is right, too, because, bitterness certainly did manage to creep in. ouch.

Gasbag: one excessively bloated by his/her own hot air. [see also: "Presidential Hopefuls"]

Anonymous said...

Today's post is brought to us by the letter A.

A is for attitude! for you which you have Aplenty in this Amazing tribute to the letter A.

A is also for absconded as in someone absconded some posts of mine which has altered my attitude immensely.

As for North. I was confused as it's A not "eh" so I too missed the reference. Aw nuts.

Doug The Una said...

G, they can't even catch up with Tali-muffin, I don't think.

Nessa, you're right, it rhymes! I'll be darned. The worst gas bags are the ones that pretend they and their audience are the ones in the know.

Thanks, G.

Poobah, the day tv signals carry aroma there will be no cable news programming.

TLP, my mind was a blank until it wasn't and I was late. Please don't leave out the bitter, blogmama. It's milk to me.

Und auch für dich, Minka. Zwei jahren sind zweimal eins aber nicht halbe genug.

Thanks, Neva. The pre- and post-coverage was worse than the debate. Homo Journalistus is a species without a future. OK, but no need for an Anderson Cooper joke.

Jenna, I can see the confusion, eh? A missing comment frmo you is like an unsparkled lip. I'll have to palaver with those Blogger rascals.

Anonymous said...

And Monika, happy anniversary and many more years of blogging. ist nie genug

The Old Mule said...

gasbag: a mule who keep changing his picture.

Jamie Dawn said...

You really are into the A's lately.
Apologize, Adherent, and now multiple A-words.
A is for Alliteration.

I guess you actual word for the day is a G-word, Gasbag.
Gasbags: My whole family after I make my country beans and cornbread. It's one of those meals where you can't stop eating even though you know you should. There's always a price to be paid.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely astounding ablative articulation.

Mother Theresa said...

Yes, I'm stumped by the whole cow problem too, and here I thought it was because of all the cars. Por cierto, "cluck" en Castellano is "cacarear"(verbo), "cacareo"(sustantivo), y tambien puede ser "cloqueo". I had no idea you spoke Spanish :)

Minka said...

Doug´s Dad, thank you. And it seems there is a bit of German in everybody these days. I admire that quality in an American ;) Feel free to have a Double Double on me :)


sleepyhead, n. big, bizarre and bold blog-abandoner

(I tried the Bs now, doesn´t look better either! You ahve an hour, before I progress to the Cs!)

Minka said...

You made me do this, you crisp, complicated and crumpled curmudgeon!

(I wanted to throw columbian into the mix, but I couldn´t make it stick!)

Anonymous said...

D: less-than-diligent Dawg, delinquent dos dias in a row??

Doug The Una said...

Pops, you still have your chemist's German, I see. Essen sie nicht Wolfsram.

Mule, last time I might have made a quip about your quixotic quest for identity. Should have, even.

Jamie Dawn, when the price of our pleasure is the next guy's discomfort, don't expect anyone to skip seconds.

Appreciated, Quilly.

Theresa, no puede hablar Castellano. O Ingles tampoco.

Minka, no need to wait for me. Proceed.

Actually, Minka, "Columbian" can refer to anyone from the Western hemisphere as in The Columbian Exposition that was held in Chicago in 1893.

Neva, by the time you left that comment today's post was up. Just Sayin'

The Boy from S.A.C.A.D.A. said...

Thank you that was educashinal i cant wate for B!

Doug The Una said...

Boy, I'm always delighted when you lear something here. Hopefully, it will stop you from growing up to be a nerd.

Alice, the secret to making work fun is trip someone every day.