Saturday, November 24, 2007

Shahrazade's Wedding, Part VI

Because A Thousand and One Nights Are Never Enough

To hear the story, listen to the voice of the desert

To read the story, read the signs left by four and twenty black birds.

"The Beowulf of Wedding Planning" -Actonbell


Anonymous said...

I like this story, Doug. It may turn out to be the 1001 posts of Sheik Doug, making the readers wait a long time for the promised wedding. Rufus seems an unlikely name for a middle eastern slave, especially a clever one. But you may give the Rufi of the world a new touchstone for pride. I look forward to next week's installment. I hope Frumentius also makes snake kebabs and snake soup with noodles.

TLP said...

Whoa! Haven't seen Stan here for a while.

Good installment Dougie. I don't think the King is ever gonna get any. Any snake kebabs I mean. Maybe just plain ol' snake with rat stuffing.

mireille said...

Chaka, Chaka, Chaka, Chaka Khan
Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan
Chaka Khan, let me rock you
Let me rock you, Chaka Khan
Let me rock you, that's all I wanna do
Chaka Khan, let me rock you
Let me rock you, Chaka Khan

Also like the use of Christmas cookies to revive the couple ... and I'm again with TLP. Not sure the wedding night will be worth all this mishigas (as the flatulence card continues to be played). I like the writing, though. Please continue. xoxo

Doug The Una said...

Stan, Dacia was in Europ, about where Romania, Hungary and Moldova are now. I'm surprised this never came up before. Nice of you leave a comment, buddy.

I agree, TLP. Too bad he isn't semi-sweet anymore. Stuffed Snake sounds delicious!

Mireille, I know the guy who made Xerxes and Cadmos contemporaries of young Diogenes and just put a pregnant Mary in the same episode with a third century Christian missionary probably shouldn't do this, but I adore Chaka Khan and have to point out that she had already split from Rufus when I Feel For You came out. That rap is by Grandmaster Melle Mel. Just sayin'

mireille said...

wow. Renaissance Man, you continue to amaze me. That's on my iPod and I use it for motivation every morning before I go to work. Not kidding. xoxo

Minka said...

If Hansel and Gretl had realized that bread crumbs, though helping you to find your way back, can be used as bait...they could have saved themselves a trip into the witch's cottage and just had a decent BBQ instead. Snake on a stick optional.

Once again well done, Douglas. I like how the princess has words enough and time, to articulate every wish into a benefitial idea for Shahryar. Apparently exciting stories keep you alive, but flattery keeps you in charge!

also: Frumentius the wizard-chef, I just know his name implies something...if you would be so kind as to eleborate...

Doug The Una said...

Actonbell, I'm cracking up over "The Beowulf of Wedding Planning" I just found my blurb.

It's a great song, Mireille. So is Through The Fire on the same album. Bad motivation for exercise, though. That's one good-looking big woman.

Honestly, Minka, Frumentius is just free-association. In College I wrote a paper on the Ethiopian Orthodox Church which, according to legend, was founded by two brothers, Frumentius and Edesius who were missionaries shipwrecked on the Red Sea and delivered by God to Aksum. I picked Aksum because I like Ethiopian food.

Anonymous said...

Rufus knew exactly what he was running from. Konrad Lorenz (his book Das sogenannte Böse = On Aggression) tells the story where he put two doves in a cage, and two wolves in another. The weaker wolf submitted to the stronger, and both lived without injury (unless you count the one to the spirit of the weaker wolf). The stronger dove caught the weaker and proceeded to flay it, one feather at a time (that being all that it was equipped for).

"Paragons of [peace and] romance?" Bah! Almost as bad as the bald eagle (a poor hunter subsisting mostly on dead fish), rather than the turkey (a nonoffensive but wily herbivore - in the wild state, anyway), being the most appropriate symbol for the good ol' USA.


Ariel the Thief said...

LOL! Perfect title. Only that this time we know the author. Is anybody counting the lines?

"indecipherable farewells", this is beautiful.

Killing two people accidently happens more often than saving their lifes accidently, especially when you work in a kitchen, I think. But I have the feeling that Doves Living Stew Rufus is going to have an ugly end somewhere in the future.

tsduff said...

Doug, I was drawn in by the lovely desert scene, and further intrigued with the pretty black birds....then thoroughly horrified to read about doves boiling alive in oil..... you have captured the savage barbarism of the Arabian Nights perfectly.

Ariel, true, kitchen work is very dangerous.

Jamie Dawn said...

Attack of the doves!!
I'm envisioning The Birds, only with doves. Somehow, it doesn't work.

I kind of like Rufus. I hope he doesn't meet some hitonious fate. I'd like to at least get his sugar biscuits recipe before he meets his demise.

Anonymous said...


honestly, i'm not sure Rufus didn't deserve to meet up with a flock of angry birds, i mean "stewed alive in oil"?? aieee.

that said, like Jamie Dawn, i thought about The Birds, only instead of Hitchcock's version, i flashed on Mel Brooks' "High Anxiety", specifically the scene in the park featuring pidgeon poo. ewww. (take that, Rufus!) ; )

Cooper said...

Lovely as always. I have to read them slower as my brain looses cells though.

well you know what Prince says about when doves's because someone called them pigeons.

If he didn't say that he should have.

Now I have to go look up a Chaka Khan video... you make me think of the oddest things at the oddest times.

Cie Cheesemeister said...

So that's why I'm so plump--I've been eating in Frumentius' kitchen!

Doug The Una said...

Amoeba, birds can be savage. A ranch manager I once worked for used to say "Pound for pound, the chicken is the most vicious animal on the face of the earth."

Ariel, "Killing two people accidently happens more often than saving their lifes accidently, especially when you work in a kitchen" is a great line. I think Brer Ambrose would have approved.

Actonbell, I mean that to appear on every episode. Best blurb ever.

Terry, I didn't intend the bait-and-switch, but I'mm guilty of it, aren't I?

Jamie Dawn, I'm not sure what the future holds for Rufus, but in the Arabian Nights, the protagonists usually come out ok. I like your new avatar, although your smile is sweeter than Lambchop's.

Cooper, is anything more contagious than difference?

Cheesie, have another snake.

Anonymous said...

yeesh, one mention of bird-sh!t and i'm outta the comment section. this is what i get for showing up late, right? ; )

Doug The Una said...

So sorry, Neva. It's never good to rush responding to comments because I think I go from avatar to avatar. Of course flurries of bird poop are a welcome image.