Monday, March 10, 2008


NEIGHBOR, n.  One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

2008 Update:  The nearest sinner.

As long-time or fairly recent readers of this blog are aware, I consider blog spammers unlovable reprobates without hope of heaven.  However, one of the damned left a comment referring to a site somewhat on-topic and kind of cool so I am trying to make the time before he or she is consumed in the lake of fire gentle by bringing this to your attention.  Follow the link at your own risk but the Adam Smith Academy features electronic slideshows of classic stories.  They are currently on part III of a six part reading of Bierce's An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge.


Anonymous said...

What your teacher calls the person you have to sit next to in school.

or, in the Weirsdo case, the idiot who refused to pay the beaver removal specialist and drowned most of the trees on his previously wooded lot, besides backing up water and beavers onto the Weirsdo estate. (The city is now taking care of the beavers, and the neighbor wants to sue the city for the value of his trees.)

Thanks for the site referral.

TLP said...

NEIGHBOR: I've been lucky with mine so far, but then I'm still young. However, I've always made it a practice to live on a corner. You get fewer of'em that way.

Anonymous said...

NEIGHBOR, n: The opposition. Especially at town meeting, or when it concerns something you wish to do on your property.

Anonymous said...

NEIGHBOR n. a cold horse

(hey, I live with O'Cealleigh, what can I say?)

Anonymous said...

neigh-bor: The bor(ing) person who lives next door.

Jamie Dawn said...


The nearest hick.


Mr. Rogers: Won't you be my neighbor?

Ariel the Thief said...

Wow, Doug, the best definition!

Anonymous said...

you wrote such a long explanation to the on topic spammer--long for WA--I forgot your definition

Neighbor: the person in the apartment next door, in Manhattan, you begin to say hello to after five years, exchange names after seven, and have a conversation lasting more than an elevator ride after ten

Neighbor: the governor of the above mentioned state is a little too neighborly to women in DC--was just implicated in a between state lines prostitution scandal

G said...

The one working on his home past ten last night - and I don't mean dusting.

G said...

Love Pia's guidlines for neighborliness NYC style.

Anonymous said...

My neighbor looked at me like I was some kind of deviant when they moved in. Little did she know.

Doug The Una said...

Weirsdo, it isn't just in cartoons that beavers outsmart people every time, is it? I remember a farmer in Iowa lost his crop the same way. I struggled for nearly a minute not to laugh.

TLP, you are as wise as you are young. I live on a cul-de-sac with the opposite result. Happily, my back-door neighbor is a big rock with whom I get along famously.

Amoeba, that's the part of democracy I avoid, preferring tyranny. I really do miss shotgun justice sometimes.

Haha, Quilly. It shows.

Poobah, is that you?

You know, J.D. I can't say anything bad about Mr. Rogers. A man has to know his limits.

Ariel, thanks. I guess "The farthest genius" could be the sequel.

Pia, is that not insane about Spitzer? How did I end up the wholesomest man in the world? Pathetic! Good etiquette guide, too. You could be Emily Post to the shy.

G, see my response to Amoeba. Why can't we shoot them?

Jenn, little she knew, much she would learn if she was lucky.

Minka said...

neighbor,n. up for grabs...his wife not so much.

Greetings from Sandholaferja!

mireille said...

Our special one plays bass. Or thinks he does. xoxo

Alana said...

Our eccentric, gossioy, yet somewhat charming widower neighbor visits us at least four times a fact she was here tonight. But having an eccentric neighbor is worth having an actual yard for (as opposed to a lovely yet, small apartment balcony).

Oh and count me in as a Mr. Rogers admirer...what a wonderful person! I always wished he could be MY neighbor.

Doug The Una said...

Minka, greetings from Santa Clarita.

Mireille, that's probably worse than G's.

Alana, the nice thing about having a yard is you can set traps.

Jim said...

Neighbor: the nearest sinner who does not live in your house.

Neighbor: I visit with my neighbors mostly when they are walking their dogs. Every house has a garage door openner so we don't get to catch them coming and going hardly ever.

Neighbor: One next door neighbor has the same birthday as I do, just a later year or two or more.
BTW, bet you pegged me to ask you "who is my neighbor?" Like, how would you know? Of course I won't ask you that.

Anonymous said...

Neighbor, often creepy, though Fred Rogers thought otherwise...he wa a little creepy himself come to think of it.
It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?...

It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood,
A neighborly day for a beauty.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?...

I've always wanted to have a neighbor just like you.
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

So, let's make the most of this beautiful day.
Since we're together we might as well say:
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?
Won't you please,
Won't you please?
Please won't you be my neighbor?

Anonymous said...

ut oh... someone save cooper from the neighborhood.

Along the lines of a couple of peeps, above:

neighbor: the people who probably wish they weren't living so close to E. Spitzer this fine morning.

ya gotta wonder what kind of clunking is going around in that man's head.


Doug The Una said...

The one who had mercy, Jim! NEIGHBOR, n. Foreigner.

Cooper, you're gonna call the late uncle Fred Rogers creepy after adoring Josh Groban? You're so damaged.

Anonymous, one should always check for rocks before diving, is the lesson here.

Anonymous said...

a woman with rocks??

spitzer was dating RuPaul? or was that Dennis Rodman?


Doug The Una said...

Heaven knows.

tsduff said...

I've had good neighbors and bad... I like it when the neighbors are further rather than nearer :)

As for An Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge... it remains my most traumatic movie ever witnessed in 10th grade English. It was shocking and poignant... not a cartoon but a very well-done film. I'm glad you gave the spammer a short reprieve.