When money's tight in hardship's dark hour,
With gifts too dear for giving or snatching
It's hard on the merry and the dour
Here are hints to make grinching relaxing.
Plastic toys, you can break at home yourself,
Making young children feel justly like fools-
Blame the damage on a foreign-born elf
And translate the package to Magyarúl.
Under the Christmas tree, I'd try setting
Pretty boxes filled with wrapping paper.
Rather than tinsel, string chits from betting
And seal up the stockings with a stapler.
The spirit can flourish, broke though you've grown,
By spiking the eggnog with acetone.
-Brunhilda N. Tepes
CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENT, n. A decoration on a hook, symbolizing the season.