Shaft

SHAFT, n. A cylindrical emptiness, which swallows much and vomits little. (See VIRGINIA CITY.)

2007 Update: The grave of a man whose longevity exceeds his ambition.

Thank you and happy Veteran's Day Holiday to those of you who served (including but not limited to lesbians and atheists;) Happy belated Armistice Day to the peacemakers; Alla'u'bah and happy Baha'u'llah's birthday to my Baha'i friends. And to the Bokononists among us, a good day.

Shahrazade's Wedding, Part IV

Because A Thousand and One Nights Are Never Enough

To hear the story,listen to the old woman.

To read the story, look in the plant book of legend.

Pericardium

PERICARDIUM, n.  A sack of membrane covering a multitude of sins.

2007 Update:  A sheath installed by providence to defend the sincerity of the ribs.

Purification

PURIFICATION, n.  A process that we hope to be beyond smelling range of, when it is applied to American politics.

2007 Update:  The wholesale substitution of new toxins for old poisons, such as replacing authoritarianism with populism or formaldehyde for blood. 

The Crowded Monastery

Once upon a time, two sacred abbas met in the desert of Egypt, where they had gone to avoid temptation. "The caves grow crowded," the young monk complained. "So many left the sinful village for purity, or to be hermits or seeking silence and stillness and come to these caves in the desert that our refuge has become a bustling, chaotic and lawless city of brothers. What are we to do?"

The older monk answered wisely, "hold elections."

CONSEQUENCE, n. An enemy of intention, neighbor to destiny and sister of a wish.

Parricide

PARRICIDE, n.  A filial coup de grace whereby one is released from the fingering torments of paternity.

2007 Update:  A temporary evanescence of taciturn resentment and benign neglect, locally newsworthy.

I'm clerking a municipal election today so be cruel to each other while I'm gone.

Predicament

PREDICAMENT, n.  The wage of consistency.

2007 Update:  A ballot booth before a believer.

Shahrazade's Wedding, Part III

Because A Thousand and One Nights Are Never Enough

To hear the story, listen to the marigolds.

To read the story, click on the tiger lily and ask what's up.

Lettuce

LETTUCE, n. An herb of the genus Lactuca, "Wherewith," says that pious gastronome, Hengist Pelly, "God has been pleased to reward the good and punish the wicked. For by his inner light the righteous man has discerned a manner of compounding for it a dressing to the appetency whereof a multitude of gustible condiments conspire, being reconciled and ameliorated with profusion of oil, the entire comestible making glad the heart of the godly and causing his face to shine. But the person of spiritual unworth is successfully tempted to the Adversary to eat of lettuce with destitution of oil, mustard, egg, salt and garlic, and with a rascal bath of vinegar polluted with sugar. Wherefore the person of spiritual unworth suffers an intestinal pang of strange complexity and raises the song."

2007 Update: A frail cabbage of little worth and no ambition lacking the substance to be slaw. Also, a commendable head.

Last

LAST, n.  A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns.

Ah, punster, would my lot were cast,

Where the cobbler is unknown,

So that I might forget his last

And hear your own.

—Gargo Repsky

2007 Update: In loaves and lives, a heel.

The last shall be first and the first shall last

So we were taught to believe in the past

But latter observers, coming to their senses,

Find cause to be cautious toward future tenses.

-Iscariot

RABBIT RABBIT