Everlasting

EVERLASTING, adj. Lasting forever. It is with no small diffidence that I venture to offer this brief and elementary definition, for I am not unaware of the existence of a bulky volume by a sometime Bishop of Worcester, entitled, A Partial Definition of the Word "Everlasting," as Used in the Authorized Version of the Holy Scriptures. His book was once esteemed of great authority in the Anglican Church, and is still, I understand, studied with pleasure to the mind and profit of the soul.

2008 Update:  Monday, usually by 9AM.

The Unionville Chronicles

Seventh Canto

This week, the reader (click the lonesome cowboy at right) is Sunny Schwartz, a friend of mine for nigh on two decades and a friend of Terry and her bear's for nigh on two months.  ¡Muchas gracias, monstruo!

To read the written verse, click on the mountain range. 

Bath

BATH, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.

The man who taketh a steam bath
He loseth all the skin he hath,
And, for he's boiled a brilliant red,
Thinketh to cleanliness he's wed,
Forgetting that his lungs he's soiling
With dirty vapors of the boiling.
—Richard Gwow

2008 Update: Baptism by lather. According to Lutheran theology, each is good for a life.

Bondsman

BONDSMAN, n. A fool who, having property of his own, undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted to another to a third. Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a dissolute nobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would be able to give. "I need no bondsmen," he replied, "for I can give you my word of honor." "And pray what may be the value of that?" inquired the amused Regent. "Monsieur, it is worth its weight in gold."

2008 Update:  An arbitrageur in risk who helps to ensure that the market for confidence clears efficiently, by allowing two or more frauds to succeed in the same transaction.

Clarify

On a lonesome road, One windswept day

One man came upon another

Who was wise and old and bearded

And who called the first man "Brother."

"Are you here to learn the truth?"

The bearded man inquired.

"It is best, I think, to be informed

Than it is to be inspired."

The wanderer then replied,

"I've been so long traveling

That my spirit wanders as I sleep

And reality's unraveling."

"From hill to desert I have come, 

And learned so little from it.

I've come to mind a life spent climbing

Less than I fear the summit."

"Then sit down and I'll teach you

Of the many things I've found.

For I can give your spirit wings

If you'll join me on the ground."

"I'll teach you from my love of man,

For I'm a pilgrim, just like thee"

"So you are, I am certain.

A stationary one, I see."

-Jonas K. Pettiword

CLARIFY, v.t.  To render invisible.

Brandy

BRANDY, n.  A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave, two parts clarified Satan and four parts holy Moses!  Dose, a headful all the time.  Brandy is said, by Emerson, I think, to be the drink of heroes.  I certainly should not advise others to tackle it.  By the way, it is rather good.

2008 Update:  The thinking man's sterno.  

Base

BASE, adj. The quality of a competitor's motive.

2008 Update: Uncouth. Lacking the avarice for finer things.

The Unionville Chronicles

Sixth Canto

To hear Terry read the sixth Canto, click on the stampede. Thank you, Terry!


















To read in quiet, click on Maria en azul, madre de Dios y reina des todos los angeles.

Linen

LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp." — Calcraft the Hangman.

2008 Update: Drapery used to protect smallish sins from the sunlight.

Longanimity

LONGANIMITY, n.  The disposition to endure injury with meek forebearance while maturing a plan of revenge.

2008 Update:  A preference for mild suffering over furious impotence.

Rabbit, rabbit!