Freebooter

FREEBOOTER, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.

2009 Update: The captain's word for a pirate or a seaman's for the captain.

Earth Day 2009

A holiday, like Valentine's,

That each man welcomes unwilling

A time to honor children, trees,

And what we're gladder killing.

Like piety on Easter,

Lacking just the yellow bonnet,

Earth Day brings forth the somber word

With righteousness upon it.

And so I'll celebrate in verse,

Stay concise, also devout,

To keep my carbon footprint

From leaving ashes in my mouth.

-Jamalaka

GREEN, adj. (coll.) Environmentally gentle like 600 miles in a Prius.

Freshman

FRESHMAN, n. A student acquainted with grief.

2009 Update: A pickled innocent.

Family

FAMILY, n. A body of individuals living in one household, consisting of male, female, young, servants, dog, cat, dicky-bird, cockroaches, bedbugs and fleas- the "unit" of modern civilized society.

2009 Update: A union consecrated by the state for heaven's tolerance. Sacramental lambs, flocked.

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Sechszehn

To hear this week's part, click on Vater Johann's supper, at right.

To read this week's part, click on Dietrich's supper at left.

This week in The Prattler, O Gas, Where Is Thy Sting?

A note on reading I think all volunteers have read once and it's time to start bugging people to read again. If you would like to read and I don't know about it or you volunteered and I don't remember, please let me know. I used to keep a list. That was nifty.

Linguist

LINGUIST, n. A person more learned in the language of others than wise in his own.

2009 Update: Any listener still interested after the third sentence. One who may study the telic clause, only to miss the object.

Lacteal Fluid

LACTEAL FLUID, n. (Reporterese)  Milk.

2009 Update: The final kindness last altruism before death.

The Gallows or The Throne

Where each man's a king

And each one a martyr

There are too little things

That each has to barter

So take to the streets,

And join with the mob

Or visit the court

And apply for a job.

Life is advice

And each one alone

Chooses gold dust or lice

On the gallows or throne.

The commonest error-

The wise one, he sees:

Those who seek both sit in terror

Like Lou Dobbs and Damocles.

STRANGER, n. The suspicious, impoverished alien or his indictable employer.  One the scriptures protect along with his persecutor.

Lord

LORD, n. In American society, an English tourist above the state of a costermonger, as, Lord 'Aberdasher, Lord Hartisan and so forth. The traveling Briton of lesser degree is addressed as "Sir," as, Sir 'Arry Donkiboi, of 'Amstead 'Eath. The word "Lord" is sometimes used, also, as a title of the Supreme Being; but this is thought to be rather flattery than true reverence. 

Miss Sallie Ann Splurge, of her own accord,

Wedded a wandering English lord —
Wedded and took him to dwell with her "paw,"
A parent who throve by the practice of Draw.
Lord Cadde I don't hesitate to declare
Unworthy the father-in-legal care
Of that elderly sport, notwithstanding the truth
That Cadde had renounced all the follies of youth;
For, sad to relate, he'd arrived at the stage
Of existence that's marked by the vices of age.
Among them, cupidity caused him to urge
Repeated demands on the pocket of Splurge,
Till, wrecked in his fortune, that gentleman saw
Inadequate aid in the practice of Draw,
And took, as a means of augmenting his pelf,
To the business of being a lord himself.
His neat-fitting garments he wilfully shed
And sacked himself strangely in checks instead;
Denuded his chin, but retained at each ear
A whisker that looked like a blasted career.
He painted his neck an incarnadine hue
Each morning and varnished it all that he knew.
The moony monocular set in his eye
Appeared to be scanning the Sweet Bye-and-Bye.
His head was enroofed with a billycock hat,
And his low-necked shoes were aduncous and flat.
In speech he eschewed his American ways,
Denying his nose to the use of his A's
And dulling their edge till the delicate sense
Of a babe at their temper could take no offence.
His H's — 'twas most inexpressibly sweet,
The patter they made as they fell at his feet!
Re-outfitted thus, Mr. Splurge without fear
Began as Lord Splurge his recouping career.
Alas, the Divinity shaping his end
Entertained other views and decided to send
His lordship in horror, despair and dismay
From the land of the nobleman's natural prey.
For, smit with his Old World ways, Lady Cadde
Fell — suffering Caesar! — in love with her dad!
—G.J.

2009 Update: A man placed by birth above his fellows, the symptom of foreign tolerance for tyranny according to Miley Cyrus.

Wherever you perambulate
Prepare to genuflect
For foreigners in native state,
Wait keenly to detect
The too proud Yankee who bows too late-
And stands too soon erect.

And when you, at last, repatriate
And hear liberty's bell ring
Freedom from prince and potentate,
Our hard-won and glorious thing,
Launch your stride both proud and straight
For each of us is born a king.
-Alastair Bake.

Language

LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.

2009 Update: The voluntary contractions by which higher species dissemble. In man, expression is autonomic and reception involuntary.