The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Fünf-und-Fünfzig

To hear Wilhelm Monteverdi's sermon, click on Elijah's miracle at right.

Or, if you're feeling more contemplative, you can read this week's episode by joining Elijah and the Israelites at lynching.

The story so far is here.

Ponderous

PONDEROUS, adj. British jokes.

2010 Update: Weighty, like logic on the lips of a man with a bat in his hand.

Plaudit

PLAUDIT, n. The unit of currency in which the populace pays those who tickle and devour it.

2009 Update: The stage of a stabbing which opens the coat.

Slow news day

When I want for aught to satirize,

There's always there my ears and eyes

To focus a spell on CNN

Disarm the mute and take it all in

As they present the petty and, worse-

This morning the anchor cracked wise in verse.

INCURSION, n. A tongue lapping at the mind.

Pettifogger

PETTIFOGGER, n. A competing or opposing lawyer.

2010 Update: A trifler, such as an off-camera visionary or, presumably, an unclothed man of the cloth.

Pantomime

PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.

2010 Update: A dramatization in which circumstances are explained without speech, the counterform to congressional inquiry or the compassionate concern of a neighbor.

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Vier-und-Fünfzig

To hear my old friend, Danny Boy, read this week's episode, click on the sophisticated yet pious medieval lecturer at right.

You can read this episode at the early Easter party.

The story so far is here.

Rime

RIME, n. Agreeing sounds in the terminals of verse, mostly bad. The verses themselves, as distinguished from prose, mostly dull. Usually (and wickedly) spelled "rhyme."

2010 Update: A roadmap locating winter for the house-bound.

Radium

RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

2010 Update: A radioactive element first discovered in Czech dirt and shown by the Curies not to be composed of slavic souls, as demonstrated by the natural glow and comparatively mild toxicity.

The two monks and the fortune teller

Once upon a time, two monks, Abba Nelson and Abba Abercrombie were walking through the desert when a caravan passed by on its way to Alexandria. A fortune teller in the train saw their simple robes and mistook them for father and son shepherds deprived of sheep. The seer hailed the two and, pulling a colorful deck of cards from his satin robes, laid three out in the sand.

"Old man," said the mage to Abba Abercrombie, the eldest Monk, "I will tell you what your destiny shall be. You are a poor man now but in five years time you will be as rich as a Sultan."

"You would deprive me of everything," answered Abba Abercrombie. "I have renounced worldly goods in favor of the wealth of God's word."

"By rich," explained the soothsayer, "I meant famous. Praise for your piety will carry your name far beyond where your feet can take you."

"You would deprive me of my purpose," answered the old ascetic. "I came to the desert to be alone with God."

The forecaster paused only a second before answering, "Ah, but when I say fame beyond your earthly travels, I mean your sacrifice will be sung by the angels in heaven, so assures my model."

The caravan returned to its course and when the farewells had been bade and the two monks were alone, the young monk turned to the older and prophesied, "One such as he, who foretells the fondest wishes of his solicitor will surely become advisor to an emperor."

"Yes," replied Abba Abercrombie, "and one so willing to explain himself will surely end his life in prison."

Moral: Only deception can be predicted accurately.

PROGNOSTICATE, v. To anticipate future conditions, such as concealment, anonymity and unaccountability.