Monday, September 25, 2006


GEOLOGY, n. The science of the earth's crust — to which, doubtless, will be added that of its interior whenever a man shall come up garrulous out of a well. The geological formations of the globe already noted are catalogued thus: The Primary, or lower one, consists of rocks, bones of mired mules, gas-pipes, miners' tools, antique statues minus the nose, Spanish doubloons and ancestors. The Secondary is largely made up of red worms and moles. The Tertiary comprises railway tracks, patent pavements, grass, snakes, mouldy boots, beer bottles, tomato cans, intoxicated citizens, garbage, anarchists, snap-dogs and fools.

2006 Update: The chosen science of interest to shy scientists, literature students and the ox in the field. Psychiatry of stones. The study of the inanimate by the barely.

Happy reluctant birthday to the beautifully preserved Puppybrose! Thanks, Joel, I hope Neva enjoys her birthday as much as I'm about to.


Ariel the Thief said...

geology, n, looking for the reason of the earth. :-P

Doug said...

Ariel. that's a deeper study.

Sar said...

Geology: It's all about the bling.

Ariel the Thief said...

Doug, I'd have said, looking for the logic behind the rocks. :-P

The Violent Vixen said...

your word today shoulda been Biology... I would have had a great definition for that! *sigh* no definition for geology today...


FelineFrisky said...

I too, am stumped today, dear Doug. Perhaps another cup of high caffeine tea will help. I shall return later. D :)

Mutha said...

"The study of the inanimate by the barely."
Good one, Doug.

Mutha said...

Geology: The branch of study devoted to those scientists who can rock.

Mutha said...

This is reminding me of the geology teacher I had in high school. But it wasn't called "geology". It was called "earth science" and this guy was so groovy that I had a BIG crush on him.
I wonder if I think that stuff is cool only because of my teen-age yearnings.

Charlene Amsden said...

Geo-logy n. the study of George Hamilton's tan.

mireille said...

Geology Rocking the earth since the early 19th century. xoxo

Ariel the Thief said...

Mutha, I had a big crush on a physics teacher of mine in high-school, he used to wear wedding ring, chalk on his fingers and the sweetest smile an electrone could ever have. (he was demonstrating us how electrones would have flown out of the window of the room...)

now that I think about it, the teachers that wanted to have long conversations with me between classes were never the ones I had a crush on. maybe it was my luck.

Anonymous said...

feeling a little stuck here... so i went mining for a quote:

"We learn geology the morning after the earthquake” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

anyone who's ever been through even one earthquake knows Emerson was right.

Anonymous said...

okay, one more from one of the BEST movies *ever*:

" old rock hammer, damn near worn down to the nub. I used to think it would take six-hundred years to tunnel under the wall with it. Old Andy did it in less than twenty. Oh, Andy loved Geology, I guess it appealed to his meticulous nature. An ice age here, million years of mountain building there. Geology is the study of pressure and time. That's all it takes really, pressure, and time. That, and a big god-damned poster." ~ "Red" (Morgan Freeman) The Shawshank Redemption

Minka said...

puppy...High Five for The Shawshank Redemption!!! loveloveLOVEEEEEEE that movie.

geology...who cares? people who study this have big-rimmed glasses, are really skinny and laugh at jokes like: "One electron said to another...boy, you bounce!" was a history teacher with me ;)

Doug said...

Sar, and the thunk.

Ariel, that's the right place to look for logic and trolls.

OK, Solace. Let's hear your definition for Biology.

Diane, I may have an easier time than some thinking like a rock.

So, Mutha, those who can, rock. Those who can't teach economics? You know, Mutha, I have a vague memory of a teacher crush but can't remember which one. Pretty sure none of the sciences.

Quilldancer, there pretty much has to be a grant in that. O Ceallaigh?

Mireille, have you read The Map That Changed The World, by Simon Winchester?

Ariel, the study of one's luck is the most important class any of us take in High School.

Puppybrose, there's a quote apparently misattributed to Ambrose Bierce that war is history's way of teaching man geography. Kind of goes with the Emerson. I only kind of liked The Shawshank Redemption but the collection of short stories it's from is about my favorite by Stephen King.

Minka, I don't even get that joke. Maybe there's hope.

Charlene Amsden said...

Geo-logy n. the study of George Foreman's ego.

Anonymous said...

Today marks another year (won't reveal the duration) in the earthly existence of one Puppybrose (aka Neva) - that's right, it's her birthday! Shhh, but don't tell anybody cause she'll get mad at me.

Happy Birthday!!!!

The amoeba said...

Rather crusty today, aren't we, Doug?

GEOLOGY, n. Named after the reactions of young people to their first sight of a reconstructed Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton. Young, meaning "not having learned stronger expletives". Today, that would be, oh, age 18 months.

BIOLOGY, n. The study of the behavior of men at the mall. For women, see SHOPPOLOGY.


Anonymous said...

*high fives teh Penguin* that film was nothing short of amazing!

by the way Doug, *before* my better(?) half blabbed that bit o' info, i was thinkin' it was a good thing i knew you *didn't* know what day this was, otherwise i might have taken major offense at this word. (just sayin'...)

thanks for spillin' the birthday beans, Joel... and so many, at that.

Anonymous said...


Geo-logy: the study of those cute little gas saving cars by Chevrolet?

Doug said...

Quill, if I had 18-inch wrists I'd be insufferable too. I think the grant opportunity is the tan.

Thanks for the alert, Joel. Save me some cake, huh?

O Ceallaigh, I think see RETURNOLOGY.

Puppybrose, I'm going to light a candle and thank God I didn't go with "FOSSIL."

Ariel the Thief said...

Happy Birthday, Neva! oh man I was just about to crawl under a rock for the rest of the day but if there's a party...

Anonymous said...

Geography: goin' fissuring?

(geographically speaking, that is, as opposed to those things called wrinkles...which help map out this thing i call my face.) Fossil? sigh. guess this really *is* my lucky day...

not LOVE the Shawshank Redemption? i'm Shawked : P

G said...

Why you all must be under a rock today - or celebrating Puppy's birthday (Happy Birthday again my dear friend).

G-ology: The study of that which makes the bulb burn brightly. And you all thought that was electricity!

You'll all forgive me that one, I just couldn't help it.

Sar said...


TLP said...

Can't top Doug's definition. Very good.

Geo-logy: Logic issued by George W. Bush. Red worms and moles about covers it. Garbage and mouldy boots as well.

Sophisticated Writer said...

One of the funniest I ever heard:

"We learn geology the morning after the earthquake." Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Oh and...

Geologists rock your world.

Yeah right.

Anonymous said...

geology: the history of rock. n' roll. those are just my sediments, as shifting as they are.

Anonymous said...

Gee-ology: study of utterance used when one is caught off guard and/or rendered somewhat speechless. [example of a "gee-ism: Gee, G... as your NBFF I can't believe *I* didn't think of that first!!!]

The Boy from S.A.C.A.D.A. said...

I like sciance. Without geology we wouldnt have nothing to stand on.

Anonymous said...

Geology? The study of...

Oh who's a science.


Ariel the Thief said...

ROTFL @s.a.c.a.d.a

FirstNations said...

g ology:
the study of simply said.

Mutha said...

Doug: Those who can, rock. Those who can't run for office. Contrary to popular belief there really is so little pelvis in politics.

Kyahgirl said...

Geology-a subject my kids really pondered this summer....My daughter says to me, after visiting Drumheller; "Mom, I'm not sure I feel so good about walking all over the dinosaurs, do you think they feel it when we suck up their oil?"

Happy Birthday Neva and thanks for putting Morgan Freeman's voice into my head. That was one of my favorite movies ever.

Mutha said...

And those who rock have birthdays today!
Happy Day Neva!

Kyahgirl said...

oh and Minka? here's a chemistry joke for you:

Two atoms are walking down the street.

Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"

The other says, "Are you sure??"

"Yes, I'm positive!"

and listen, you really gotta reexamine your stereotypes about geeks missy :-)
Seems there are a fair number hanging around this place!

LeMas. said...

Geology-what you take when Biology is full and you're just not crazy enough to sign up for organic chemistry.

Doug said...

Careful, Ariel, logic lurks there.

Puppybrose, I almost never love movies made from books I loved. The exception is Lonesome Dove and the epitome is The English Patient, which I think everyone adored and I hated viscerally. At least I liked Shawshank.

G, I'll applaud you for that one.

TLP, some things should stay in the ground, huh?

SW, I'd say those are both half true. You should see some of what they build after earthquakes.

Haha, Cindra Jo. Mohs definitely.

Puppybrose, I thought that was goshology.

And without meteorology we couldn't even cool down about it, boy.

More of a math gal, Jenna?

Come on, FN, G did that to herself.

Mutha, plenty of the opposite, though.

Kyahgirl, your daughter should know that mama dinosaurs want everyone to enjoy their cooking. And, by the way, the golden beanie is gone. It's time to move forward with your life.

Masil, I took astronomy. Now there's one for the challenged.

Anonymous said...

Geology, n. The study of the instability of the physical world, closely related to the equal instability in the natural world, and the even greater instability of the minds of men.

Jamie Dawn said...

Geology is the study of igneous, biospheric, fossilic, minerals with aggragate crystals formed in the various "zoic" eras.

It's a simple science, really.

Kyahgirl said...

Its ok Doug, the beanie never fit over my ears that well anyway.

My geekery is unconditional. No strings.

Tom & Icy said...

I always wanted a pet rock, but bones are better.

The amoeba said...

Kyahgirl - if "pro" is the opposite of "con", what's the opposite of "proton"?

An antiproton, of course.

What, you were expecting logic? That would be positive.

Sorry about the beanie, lass. How about a copy of The Physics of Star Trek?

Have we driven Minka and Jenna away yet?


actonbell said...

Great update, Doug:)
And a happy birthday to Neva!

My ninth grade geology (earth-space science) teacher was just as Minka described! And his facial expression rarely changed. One time, while assisting a group of students in lighting a contrary bunsin burner, he got flamed really badly; he was waving his hand over it to feel if there was any warmth at all, when flames shot right up at his hand. The only sign of distress was the slightest of hand waving. That's why people called him Stoneface.
btw, did you leave me a cryptogram, or are BUI?

Anonymous said...

G-ology: study of skimpy underwear?

i'll go ya one better, Doug, Joel and i never even *saw* the English Patient. but Shawshank was darn good... that said, i completely agree with you, it is the rare film that winds up adequately reflecting a great novel and/or short story. (the Color Purple was one exception--Jaws was a case of the reverse. the book was stupid, the movie--*divine*)

manymany thanks to everyone for the kind and lovely birthday greetings. if you were all here i'd share the unbelievabely decadent chocolate/chocolate chip ice cream cake with chocolate fudge ganache frosting Joel got for me. yes... i will be sick. but at least i'll be smiling as i puke.

Doug said...

Andrew, ironically the instability of the Earth's crust seems mild compared to that in the mind. And you have a resident of California saying that.

Sure, Jamie Dawn. Like Organic Chemistry. If you can learn the 2000 terms you're more than halfway there.

Now that is grace itself, Kyahgirl.

Icy, Walela broke a fang on her pet rock. Poorthing can barely be called a killing machine anymore.

O Ceallaigh, I think we're probably exciting them to make fun of us.

Actonbell, it was a contact BUI. I figured out your message to your mom and carried a response back.

And you have someone to hold your hair, Puppybrose. You are blessed. The Color Purple was a great movie, but I was actually upset by how they changed Celie's pants. Still I won't be a negative nigel about it. Amazing cast, too.

Charlene Amsden said...

Doug, if you had 19 inch wrists you would be insufferable? Is that in adition to, or instead of, crumdugeony?

Kyahgirl said...

OC, I'll give you the ultimate're a bigger nerd that me : -) I don't begrudge you the beanie. However, I think VI will hold it against you forever.

I don't think we drove anyone away. We're all helpless electrons, drawn to the nucleus that is WA.

Kyahgirl said...

I said that with a straight face Doug :-)

Minka said...

Boy oh boy...kyah, how could I forget? And with your Saturday brewing story not taht long ago *slaps own wrist* but like the Pope recently, i would like to sya that those were not my words , but I was rather quoting many a human before me.
Geekiness rocks as much as geology does :)
Honest! ;)

Minka said...

Bugger...what is up with me? Those horses and sheep sure shook my brain thsi weekend!

Happy Birthday, neva!!!
Til hmaingju med daginn!
Alles Gute zum Geburtstag...
and many smooches coming your way!

Omnipotent Poobah said...

geology - The study of things that suprise you (e.g., Gee! That's an ugly tie or Gee! That's a stupid thing to say.)

Not unlike this definition.

Alana said...

Happy Birthday Neva!!!

Geology was one of my least favorite sciences but I did LOVE Shawshank. It's the only Stephen King I have ever been able to watch, as I have a much higher tolerance for sentimentality than horror.

Anonymous said...

You know I went to school and
I'm nobody's fool
That is to say until I met you
You've got me in a spin and
What a spin I'm in
Cause I don't know enough about you

I know a bit about biology
A little more about psychology
I'm a little gem in geology
But I don't know enough about you

Doug said...

Quilldancer, is insufferabler a word?

Kyahgirl, I sure didn't read it with a strait face.

Minka, I wonder what excuse the sheep are using right now for their behavior.

Poobah, will you be my faculty advisor?

Squaregirl, that's another bet I'd have lost.

Shayna, combine psychology and geology and you'll have me pegged.

Charlene Amsden said...

Doug, for you, yes. You're special like that.

The Mushroom said...

Geology: going through the world's sandboxes looking for ancient cat turds.

Charlene Amsden said...

Mushroom, that reminds me -- I was at a stop sign awhile back and looked over at the park on my left ... there stood a half-dozen old guys around a horseshoe pit -- two of them were grooming the sand with catbox scoops.

Alana said...

Well I have NO tolerance for horror. I have a weak stomach with that kind of stuff. But a man using a rock pick to dig a hole and crawl through crap to live off of money he helped illegally obtain in Mexico with his dear friend is the kind of sentiment that I can enjoy.

Speaking of Shawshank, that was the first time I was really introduced to the word "Institutionalized"...I guess it's just something I need to consider more when I take my stance on Inclusion.

Just Tom said...

Geology: the art of trying to crawl back under the rock from whence you came.

Ariel the Thief said...

Mushroom, science is only as useful as it is in our everyday life.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I took Astronomy too! I don't lower the bar...I limbo unde it.
(blogging from work)

Logophile said...

Love the definitions today, an I got nothing.
Hapy Bday, Neva!

actonbell said...

Aaah, duh. I was joking about the smut. My life is just too dull.

Indeterminacy said...

Geology: Saying gee whiz, after causing problems too complex for you to solve by youself.

Minka said...

anthropology, geology, biology....:

"Did you know that something boring happened to somebody really ugly in the Middle Ages?"

that still cracks me up!

Doug said...

Quilldancer, then let's define it. INSUFFERABLER, adj. Comparatively normal.

Mushroom, seeking the scat of a sabertooth.

Squaregirl, if he were headed for the beach in New Jersey would that be too horrible? Institutionalizeable, adj. Animal.

Tom, that warn't no rock, son.

Ariel, what could be more useful to a dog owner?

Masil, sure. Laboratory science for people who smell badly enough already.

Logo, we'll call that aeronautical geology.

Actonbell, I was pretty sure you were joking but I made no assumptions about why.

Indie, wouldn't a pun be just as useful?

Charlene Amsden said...

Doug, what passes for normal in one place is often considered quite odd in another. "Normal" has many degrees.

Anonymous said...

Geology: Way easier than physics, easier than chemistry, harder than English, and way harder than Psychology.

(Some fun, Doug.)

Doug said...

Quilldancer, many degrees and no explanation. So what is a nutty professor anyhow?

Thanks, a. Welcome. In college, I think, the difference between Astronomy and Geology is whether you're drunk or just shy.