Friday, June 15, 2007


GRASS, n. All Flesh.

Two monks upon a field of battle
Observed some lean and hungry cattle.
Said one: "But little feed is growing
Where Death so lately has been mowing."
Replied the other, gravely eyeing
The piles of dead about the lying:
"All flesh is grass- I'm quite confounded
That cows should starve by hay surrounded."

2007 Update: The beneficiary of human endeavor and the meditations of deer.

To tall grass, the zebra comes to flourish
And find comfort, kin, counsel and nourish
Where the lion seeks her camouflage,
Contemplation and catered homage.
As to which animal is the wiser:
The grass knows each to make smart fertilizer.
-Saint Augustine of Abyssinia


Omnipotent Poobah said...

grass - a substance, that when consumed, can cause the consumer to be crass.

Anonymous said...

grass -- for me a fond memory, but I will soon once again be where it grows ... and needs mowing.

grass -- someone else's is always greener

mireille said...

Perfume capital of the world, with more than thirty perfumeries, including Fragonard, Galimard and Molinard, Oh,that's Grasse. xoxo

Nessa said...

grass: "But it's natural, man."

Unknown said...

Was there anything more irresistible at 8, than a grass-covered hill waiting to be tumbled down?

Grass, n. The upholstery of childhood.

Anonymous said...

a4g: that was lovely! *claps*

TLP said...

Grass:Wonderful on the lawn, but undesirable in the sidewalk cracks. It's one of the most persistent things on earth.

Grass: the roots of a new wave.

Anonymous said...

grass: where splendor may be found...along with a few bug bites.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

I have to second Neva - bravo a4g.

Kyahgirl said...

grass is work

grass to mow, grass to pick from the flowerbeds, grass stains to remove from children's clothes

but...grass smells good so it can stay :-) Its all about the nose.

Mother Theresa said...

Grass: A great foot massager. It is also the fuel for bovine producers of methane. (We shouldn't blame the cows for global warming, after all it all starts with grass)

Grass: a giant green stain waiting for a child to fall on it.

Anonymous said...

GRASS, n. An angry butt. Also one with a use-by date that is in imminent danger of expiration.

a4g, that was ... cute. You ok? Who is this, really? ;)

Unknown said...

in the park, with bare feet

cgukjdh: hippity hippity hop

Anonymous said...

TLP, grass is like hair on a middle-aged man. It grows everywhere except where it's supposed to. Ask any golf course grounds superintendent - but not while he's taking his meds.

Doug The Una said...

Poobah, can you tell the difference?

Quilly, in Las Vegas is it always browner across the fence?

Mireille, I was there once. I remember medieval streets too narrow for donkeys to pass one another and French drivers doing 50 in their Renaults.

Nessa, you totally looked like a butterfly just now.

a4g, that was pretty and poetic. You've gone soft like a graceful and gently nurtured bowling green. Still sharp like a half-buried broken beer bottle, though.

Neva, I agree.

TLP, the measure of a neat freak is whether she sees a garden path or a wall of weeds.

G, I ain't had 'em for years. Doesn't help much does it?

The nose knows, Kyah. I tried and tried but couldn't find my way around that answer.

Theresa, my dog, Willie, finds it an excellent back-scratcher, too. I blame the worms.

Amoeba, your comment came in after I wrote my answer to his. I'm with you, pal. We may be the last angry men.

That's not where I look for Karma, Karma.

Mutha said...

G and I think alike.

"Keep off the grass": While in highschool it was a line of destinction between the inhalers and the non-inhalers. The inhalers giggled when the saw this sign.

Anonymous said...

Grass: two kinds that I know of :) when I was a kid and we were going to move to a new house my Dad quizzed everybody he knew about when the grass would stop growing.

So we moved on Halloween instead of summer like normal people. I was just beginning Seventh Grade, and this mistake did cost him much money in therapy bills plus more.

Moral: Don't ever try to get out of having the gardener cut the grass. You will pay for life for that mistake :)

tsduff said...

Grass: A breath of sweet fresh peace in a man-made world.

Also: The very best place for bare feet other than the beach.

Julie Goes to Hollywood said...

Splendor In The Grass. Back when Natalie Young was still alive and Warren Beatty was still hot. Whatever happened to life-altering teenage movie sex? Nowadays they only seem to have it moments before getting hacked to death in a horror film.

Doug The Una said...

Mutha, you and G learned similarly to think that way, I imagine.

Pia, you were alright up until then, huh?

Terry, you really are hooked on the bright side, aren't you? That's unusual in a crow.

Julie, that's about where I figured you'd wind up if you wound up here. You really did pick the right wrong profession. The answer to your question is, of course, write that one next. Life-altering, dry-witted teen-sex would really be something.

Anonymous said...

had i not been so enamored with a4g's charming sentiment, i'd have probably said the same thing as my NBFF. altho' i have to confess that, for me, "Splendor in the Grass" conjures visions of hula skirts -- no doubt the result of my passion for all things Hawai'i. that said, most guys i know refer to that as "Splendor in the Ass".

er, um... don't blame me for my tacky sensibilities today, blame my allergy medication. damn ornamental grass, anyway...

Ariel the Thief said...

grass is the last thing we bite.

Anonymous said...

hahaha Ariel! love that! since i know you're a "Peanuts" fan, how 'bout this:

Crabgrass: the last thing a cranky young girl and/or an early-onset curmudgeon will bite.

Being crabby all day makes me hungry." ~ Lucy van Pelt, "Peanuts"

tsduff said...

Begging your pardon, but crows are the most upbeat beings in the world. Life is a blast and to be examined, pecked, tasted, and walked around several times - and they especially enjoy finding shiny things in the grass.

Puppybrose - HA HA HA HA splendor in the ass. guffaw - good one!!

Minka said... guys sound high! loved a4g´s comment, and ariel made me laugh.

gras, n.

a) Guenter

b) if you take one piece between both your thumbs and blow on it you can whistle real loud

c) although greener on the other side, just another gray root from 6 feet under

Anonymous said...

A child's playground, whistle (yes, Minka) and snack.
Bane of mowers.
Place for having dejeuner on, and
party or medical aid.

Unknown said...

Grass: Plant matter nicely kempt behind white picket fences, if one listens to the suburbanites, or rolled in white paper to ruin the lives of teenagers, if one listens to the government.

Doug The Una said...

Neva, you're supposed to drink the nyquil. Doesn't it burn your nostrils?

Ariel, that was terrific.

Perfect quote as a go-along, Neva.

Terry, I wish you were here right now. I have big black and yellow birds in my yard and I want to know what they are besides spectacular.

Minka, I kind of have to like those, especially c but also a.

Weirsdo, don''t forget housing stock for one little piggy.

And what do you say, Wombat? Guitar disguise?