Monday, November 12, 2007


SHAFT, n. A cylindrical emptiness, which swallows much and vomits little. (See VIRGINIA CITY.)

2007 Update: The grave of a man whose longevity exceeds his ambition.

Thank you and happy Veteran's Day Holiday to those of you who served (including but not limited to lesbians and atheists;) Happy belated Armistice Day to the peacemakers; Alla'u'bah and happy Baha'u'llah's birthday to my Baha'i friends. And to the Bokononists among us, a good day.


Lila said...

Happy Birthday, gramps!

Thanks for the Vets Day wishes.

Dang, you're OLD!

Lila said...

Turning 40 must feel like getting the shaft, huh?

Anonymous said...

Shaft: a mean Mother F... shut your mouth!

sorry, i could have gone in a slightly different (not to mention more salacious) direction, as well, but with this being Veterans Day and all, i thought i should take the "higher"(ish) road, and merely channel Issac Hayes. ; )

Happy Veteran's Day (first and foremost to my beloved Dad) and Happy Other Stuff to All those Other People, too!

Anonymous said...

speaking of shafts... i keep trying to leave a comment for the story below, but for some reason Blogger won't let it load up. d'oh!

here's what i was trying to say:

i'm slowly but surely catching up on this wondrous tale, Shirley. i'll leave a "proper" comment once i've finished reading all four parts! (take that stupid Blogger non-loading/frustrating the heck out of folks comment section) ; )

Mutha said...

Shaft: A complicated man, and no one understands him 'cept his woman.

Yes Puppy, I will shut my mouth -- but I'm talkin 'bout Shaft!

Anonymous said...

First an editorial: You sick Doug, I'm glad that you made your Veteran's Day message so inclusive

Shaft: The American government proudly gives the shaft to the American people. By focusing on Iraq, Bush can pretend the problems at home don't exist

Just thought I would take this out of the gutter and put it in the sewer

Anonymous said...

Baha'u'llah and Dougie's birthday on the same day, eh. I always taught you to believe in karma. Evidently, LRH was start your own religion and you can become very famous and very rich. Well, blogging and Sacwrechmento famous ain't so bad! Happy birthday my son. You are olde and wise and good and make me proud.

Jim said...

Thanks, Doug for the Veterans Day note. It was a long hard five years. :-)

SHAFT, n. A cylindrical emptiness, which allows miners to come and go. This one emits ore and swallows men and tools.

That is bad, but much better than what I just go rid of!

TLP said...

I'm giving myself the shaft for showing up so late on your birthday.

Happy day you young thing you!

TLP said...

Oh. Am I suppose'da ask you if I use your picture? I forget.

Mother Theresa said...

Why is my mind wanting to go on a freudian tangent with this word? But I won't let it, so here goes:

Shaft: What the elevator falls down if the cable breaks.

Oh, and Happy Birthday! :)

Ariel the Thief said...

Can a Monday be any more shocking?

Boldog születésnapot!

Anonymous said...

SHAFT n what I hope you DO NOT receive for your birthday -- unless it's full of gold.

(OC wouldn't let me post my first comment. You should thank him.)

Anonymous said...

hey doug! Birthday wishes to you

I still think I need to get a good night's sleep before I can process what this blog is about..I feel clueless at the moment!

Anonymous said...

D'OH! D'OH! and D'OH!

how on earth did i forget this important date? not sure, but i DO know this, i've tried to make amends in the only way i can (cheesy post) in hopes you'll forgive me for giving YOU the Birthday Shaft.

and all good and loving thanks to TLP for "helping" me remember. (no worries about that bump on my head, i'm sure it'll go down soon.) ; )

Happy Happy Joy Joy, Big Guy... ; ) xox

Anonymous said...

My earlier post didn't post. Anyway, now that you are older than me, I expect to show you the same respect you have always shown to me.

I am proud of your first 40 years. I will let you know about the second 40 years when we get there.

Happy birthday jung'n [ sorry, I meant old @art]

Mutha said...

And a very happy day to you Doug!

The Old Mule said...

Happy Birthday wishes from a lesbian and an atheist.

And like I said, forty is the new fourteen.

tsduff said...

Shaft: The stiff “quill” of the
feather, from which the soft vanes extend on either side.

May all your shafts be stiff and afford you many safe flights. Hope your birthday sends you soaring above the clouds.

PS: In dog years, you are 280!

Doug The Una said...

Ancient, Aral. I hope you never suffer this indignity. Well, not for eleven months. As to your second comment I wouldn't know and you wouldn't remember.

Neva, Isaac Hayes and Richard Roundtree always took the high road. Or so I've heard. As to the story, I hope you trust that you have all the time you need.

Mutha, it's hard to believe there's another meaning, isn't it?

Good move, Pia. Good diagnosis, too.

Thanks, Mama. I'm sure I'll never outgrow my mother. Take that however you will.

Jim, thanking veterans is one of the rare things I do sincerely. Thank you.

TLP, I think as matriarch of bloggers you're supposed to do whatever the hell you feel like and call it on time. Irascibility suits you like few others.

Much better, Theresa. Oooh, elevator!

Ariel, Köscönöm.

Quilly, I sure will. Thank you, too.

Hey, AIM! Thank you. My Diwali gift to you is :you can't parse loose hay.

Neva, believe me when I say you would be forgiven without a cheesy post. Thanks and don't you fret.

Thank you, whippersnapper.

Thanks, Mutha.

Old Mule, I'm sure you're right but so far no acne. I'm honored that you chose my blog to come out on.

Terry, only you. Good grief. I got nothin'

Anonymous said...

Like I said last night, Doug:


Just do better with it than John Lennon did, OK?

I know I'm late and slow, but I didn't know anything about Bokonoism until you mentioned it. Me like.

SHAFT, n. What results when the bone's buried deeper than the dog thought it was.

Sar said...

Hmmm, methinks if Bierce's definition wasn't so clever, it'd be downright obscene.

Speaking of clever, evoking distraction from your own birthday with a barrage of well wishes towards others -- coincedence? I think not. Nice try curmudgeon!

That said, I second Pappa Pascover's comment...

Happy Birthday ya old fart!

Nessa said...

Is your update autobiographical?

Happy Birthday, Doug.

TLP said...

I hope you are having a most excellent day young man.

Everyone of us is so happy that we discovered you here in Waking Ambrose land. We're all the richer for it.

TLP said...

Oh, gag-a-maggot! I meant all of that, but jeez! I hate it when I'm nice. It won't happen again. Not soon anyway.

Anonymous said...

Sung in the note of Bark C:

Woffey woof woof, wag wag
Woffey woof woof, wag wag,
Pant and run run to Dougie

Lick and lick, lick to you!

Minka said...

Wow...If I didn't know this was your palce, I'd think a party was going on. Of course I know better, this is not so much a party as it is a gathering of people for no specific reason.

For whatever reason we are being cheerful here today, I would also like to second've created a nice hang-out for many of us for years now, granted you introduced some rules, but I am told there is a free Cd at Christmas, right?!

You've done well, Pascover!

Have a grand ole day!

Jamie Dawn said...

You're 40 now??!!!
I am your elder for I have sojourned along this earth for 44 years. Welcome to the fifth decade of life!!!
You deserved to have a superb b-day, so I sure hope it was superb. :-)

Okay, now onto other business. A couple of days ago, there was talk of sacks and sheaths, and now SHAFT!!!! Good Lord, this place is dabbling in the naughty!! Turning 40 has warped your mind.

I second all your holiday praises and thanks and good tidings and biddings, etc...

Lastly, I do not wish to have Ernest Angley ANY where near me! I'll take the crone every time.

Doug The Una said...

Ah ha, Amoeba. Thank you. If nothing else, it's shorter.

Sar, thank you, princess.

Nessa, we'll find out when they lower my casket and listen for the bounce.

Gag-a-maggot, indeed, TLP!

Uh, thanks Willie and Walela. Lela, I'll do my chores and sweep the mines right when I get home.

Minka, my cup runneth over. Thank Lisa for her good wishes for me, please.

And yet, Jamie Dawn, I bet at In n' Out people wondered what kind of man brings his niece and nephew to a hamburger stand. Ernest Angley was kind of oily, but we kind of have the same home towns. Akron and Perdition.

Actonbell, I hope you know I may spend the rest of my birthday cracking that anagram. Life Begins Forty, I guess, but I can't find after. Either way, I'm impressed.

Miz BoheMia said...

*GROANETTY GROAN* I had to walk in on Shaft of all words? Dios mio hermanito! How do you expect me to behave????

I was going to say you tempt me with such a word but, um, it doesn't feel appropriate... then I was going to say I will swallow my words and gulp em down and behave but, um, that cannot be said either and so...


Well, I will settle for saying that I could not miss out on your wondrous day and HAD to pop in to felicitarte SEGURO!

May you have a beautiful day, hermanito de mi alma, and nothing short of a fabulous, curmudgeonly year ahead of you, just to your liking! Besos y A BAILAR Y A CELEBRAR!

OLÉ y OLÉ people!!!

Unknown said...

Happy Birthday sweet prince

shaft??? teehee

javajazz said...

Happy Birthday sweet man...
i'm sure you're delighted
with all this attention...
a special 40th birthday wish
to a special soul.
i hope you enjoyed a day
of doing whatever you desired,
and to Mama and Papa Pascover,
you have so many reasons
to be proud
of your wonderful son...
xo lisa

Anonymous said...

Speaking of shaft, we have a video of you on Asinine News.

Hope you had a great birthday!

Chris Beason said...

Thank Quilly for sending someone you don't know to wish you Happy Birthday!

mireille said...

Happy Birthday to my dearest Bokonist of the Vonnegutist sect. This particular bit of scripture from the missive seems apt: "Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way."

Cie Cheesemeister said...

The Shaft: Something the Cheesemeister gets whenever taxes are taken out of her paycheck. Which means, every two weeks.

Happy birthday. Remember, 40 isn't bad. But at 41, you fall to pieces!
(only joking)

Minka said...

shaft,n. the midsection of a long bone, also called diaphysis

trust me on this!

Would you look at the time?! It's Tuesday...*taps fingers*

Doug The Una said...

Muchas gracias por los felicitaciones, hermanita linda, muy graciaso y poco soucia.

Thanks, lady Karma. I guess I was taking a chance with today's word, huh?

Thank you, JJ/l. Few could make heroic verse look right on my birthday.

Thanks, Dusty. Regards to Tom.

Thank you, Annette and welcome, stranger.

Mireille, I'm sure Bokonon meant to describe writers in that passage. Curmudgeons take the easiest way to give others a hard time.

Every two weeks is actually pretty good, Cheesy.

Minka, I'll take your word for it. What's the latin for cheek?

Minka said...


os zygomaticum is the cheek bone!

What are you saying?

I Dive At Night said...

Happy Birthday Old Man! Sorry I'm late, I'm blaming being on the wrong side of the Int. Dateline.