Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
HEARER, n. A person who finds in the remarks of a public speaker something singularly stimulating to thought about his own affairs.
Hearer, anyone sitting on the toilet.
Ariel! I love your mind. I thought that was a reader.
Hearer: either ear
I can't hearer you. I am busy listening to what I'm going to say next.
Hearer's should be listeners too.
But there is a difference. Holler at your kid,
"Did you hear me?" One nanosecond later,
"Listen to me!" It gets worse but doesn't have much to do with my point.
HEARER n. one who feeds on the juices of gossip.
Hearer: someone who says "Uh-huh" at all the appropriate times.
Gossipers like hearers, especially hearers who are also tellers.
Hearer: someone who listens for any reference of themselves.
Speaker: someone who refers to themselves as a quoted authority.
yeah, I heard 'er.
No, Ariel. As any parent can tell you, the Hearer is the tot outside the bathroom door with ear pressed firmly thereupon, saying... "what's that noise, daddy? are you ******** again? how come I can't come in??? dadddeeee... I can heeeear youuuuuu!!!"
sad, but true story.
Hearer: Distinguished from the "listener" by a lower pay scale.
With their MP3 player, Ariel?
It's quite a mind, TLP. You can imagine the sound it must make.
Nessa, I'll try to hush.
Jim, you suppose that's why they tune out?
Quilly, from the fruit of the tree of suspicion?
JD, it's the main currency, isn't it?
Or the Hoosier "her," Actonbell.
That's what I'm saying, Karen.
Good girl, Icy.
Kids are rough, huh, Sauerkraut. Do you ever find yourself wishing someone else had raised them?
Good one, Coop.
Hearers are plentiful; it's listeners that are hard to come by.
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