The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Fünfundneunzig

To hear Actonbell read the final episode, gather up before the angel.

Or, you can read this episode among the Wisteria.

The whole kit and caboodle can be downloaded here.

This episode also concludes Waking Ambrose, with gratitude and appreciation for all of you who have participated and made this site so much fun for such a long time. Thank you all. Be well and be in touch.

TRANSFER, n. The opportunity to board a different wrong train.

Deposit

DEPOSIT, n. A charitable contribution to the support of a bank.

2010 Update: A portion of there allocated to the establishment of a new here.

Defaulter

DEFAULTER, n. An important officer in a bank, who commonly adds to his regular functions the duties of cashier.

2010 Update: A restitutionary revolutionary. The median American.

Advice to my nephew, Eamon, on the day after his third birthday

Mama's fine, don't mind the cracks

But watch where you put your feet.

A life is led in countless steps

And strangers you will meet.

Each one's a home and family

Each is a trap to bind your toes

Every place you go's somewhere you'll leave

And every path, to one more flows.

Nod your head at the lunatic

Hide yawns below the preacher

Hold the door for every girl your age

Whether you're glad to reach her.

Laugh with anyone who strikes you funny

Cry with everyone pathetic

Let every dream a dreamer shares

Be your own soul's diuretic.

For everything you say and write,

Each and every word

Will sound to you like heaven's voice

And to Uncle Doug, absurd.

Keep your feet beneath you-

Your day has come at last-

Keep one eye open, one hand held out,

And waddle forward to your past.

CORNY, adj. Avuncular

Defame

DEFAME, v.t. To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

2010 Update: To martyr without slaying, a shameful waste of piety.

And happy birthday to Eamon!

Decide

DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.

A leaf was riven from a tree,
"I mean to fall to earth," said he.

The west wind, rising, made him veer.
"Eastward," said he, "I now shall steer."

The east wind rose with greater force.
Said he: "'Twere wise to change my course."

With equal power they contend.
He said: "My judgment I suspend."

Down died the winds; the leaf, elate,
Cried: "I've decided to fall straight."

"First thoughts are best?" That's not the moral;
Just choose your own and we'll not quarrel.

Howe'er your choice may chance to fall,
You'll have no hand in it at all.
—G.J.

2010 Update: To offer destiny a consideration.

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Vierundneunzig

To hear TLP read this week's story, click on the angry man.

Or, you can read this episode with the adolescent novice at left.

The story so far is here.

And happy birthday to my separated-at-birth sister and TLP's separated-at-birth daughter.

Pillory

PILLORY, n. mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction- prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.

2010 Update: v.t. To redistribute disdain. To shield a pig with a goat.

Pigmy

PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians — who are Hogmies.

2010 Update: An economical race that grows smaller than the rest of its species. An individual smaller than the rest of its race may be known as a RUNT, BIGFELLA or GOSSIP.

Social Network

This world's become a narrow one,
A billion-thronged bar,
Where strangers meet for folly and fun,
Like clowns meet in a car.

There's little I can give or take,

Hear me now, old dudes,

You can't get from a bull or drake

But cowboy songs and attitudes.
I'm not too sure I like this world
(And wasn't so sure, then)
But now we can corral ourselves
Without need of a pen.

CORRESPONDENCE, n. An incursion by breeze, at times preferable to a siege.

Pig

PIG, n. An animal (porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.

2010 Update: The lexicographer of the barnyard.

Picture

PICTURE, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.

"Behold great Daubert's picture here on view —
Taken from Life." If that description's true,
Grant, heavenly Powers, that I be taken, too.
—Jali Hane

2010 Update: A visible fiction.

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Dreiundneunzig

To hear this week's story, listen for the cock to crow.

Or, you can read this episode on the way to the children's crusade.

The story so far is here.

Beard

BEARD, n. The hair that is commonly cut off by those who justly execrate the Chinese custom of shaving the head.

2010 Update: Facial hair cultivated by cultured men to distinguish themselves from lunatics and visa-versa.

Basso-Relievo

BASSO-RELIEVO, n. (Italian) Low relief. The relief of a sick vulgarian.

2010 Update: A sculpture flat enough to be used on a memorial.

Stirring

A troubled conscience robs the rest,

Pressing the pillowed heart to motion.

Fretful signs of troubled times

Pry the puffed eye open.

Bed bugs prick the mouth and skin

And bring the prone physique to life

And I have heard by muffled word

That so might do a wife.

Langor drowns in tropic sweat

Burnt baking stabs the snoring nose

But if insomnia is, once more, to score

Let a lightning storm take my repose.

INSOMNIA, n. A prerequisite for sleeping in.

Baptism

BAPTISM, n. A sacred rite of such efficacy that he who finds himself in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever. It is performed with water in two ways — by immersion, or plunging, and by aspersion, or sprinkling.

But whether the plan of immersion
Is better than simple aspersion
Let those immersed
And those aspersed
Decide by the Authorized Version,
And by matching their agues tertian.
—G.J.

2010 Update: A prophylactic against the punishment for sins still to be perpetrated.

Bacon

BACON, n. The mummy of a pig embalmed in brine. To "save one's bacon" is to narrowly escape some particular woman, or other peril.

By heaven forsaken
By justice o'ertaken
He saved his bacon
By cutting a single slice of it;
For 'twas cut from the throat,
And we venture to quote
Death, hell and the grave as the price of it.
S.F. Journal of Commerce

2010 Update: The portion on which a hog may sleep and a man might dream.

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Zwoundneunzig

To hear this week's story, listen for Adalbert's wrath.

Or, you can read this episode in the Chi-Rho at left.

The story so far is here.

Implacable

IMPLACABLE, adj. Not to be appeased without a large sum of money.

2010 Update: Indivertably committed to one's course, as a man at supper.