Bedlam

BEDLAM, n. A house whose inmates are all poets--"of imagination all compact."

2007 Update: A Lutheran church with a tardy pastor.

Another Fable

The Lawful Assembly

Once upon a time, a little chicken tried to cross the road and an acorn fell from a tree and hit him on the head. "The sky is falling!" the little chicken announced with great concern. The little chicken stood in the road yelling about the end of the world by plummeting atmosphere when a tiny young calf saw him. The calf joined the little chicken and mooed that today's youth had no morals. A baby rabbit hopped by and, curious, stopped to listen to the little chicken and the calf. The leveret decided to join and hopped on to the road where she chirped about the coyotes moving into the country without official sanction. A coyote pup howled the vigilanteism of the bobcats and a kitten complained that the tuna was tainted. A baby goat joined the others on the road and, among strangers, the kid complained that modern entertainments promoted head-butting. A baby scorpion without a single kill on his record complained that the world had grown so noisy, the muses could not reach him. A young colt gamboled up and nickered that modern farming techniques were eroding traditional hooven cultures and a baby squirrel argued that the acorn supply was being concentrated in the hands of the poultry.

Over time, the protest grew until a local parson, speeding up the road in his car saw the assembly that teemed across the road and realized he was barreling down upon a gathering of one of every animal that walks, creeps or crawls over the Earth. "Surely," he proclaimed, "this is a sign."

Moral: Traffic is actually worse when everyone agrees on the destination.

CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE, n. Collective alienation.

Magic Bean

Blushing

BLUSHING, n. [SIC] A trick formerly in great favor with women, but now fallen into disuse as a lost art, though by laborious practice the modern damsel is still able to achieve it at the risk of being taken in hand and treated for apoplexy.

2007 Update: ger. Under the visible influence of truth or plague. Unelectable. Unpromotable. Incurable.

Biography

BIOGRAPHY, n. The literary tribute that a little man pays to a big one.

2007 Update: Reincarnation to a juster, more deferential world.

A Persian Problem

Episode 18 of The Meditations of Diogenes The Cynic. Thanks to this week's reader/instrumentalist.

To hear the story, kneel before Xerxes I.






This week in The Prattler (to be ready this evening,) "The Majority Myth."








To read the story, visit the Persian Empire.

Monarchical Government

MONARCHICAL GOVERNMENT, n. Government.

2007 Update: A regime arranged on the principle that a single leader, anointed by birth, defended by the strong and advised by the learned, can support the local demand for folly.

Mesmerism

MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.

2007 Update: A suggestion bypassing reason on the way in and shame on the way out. A pre-emptive memory lapse.

Two Fables

The Rattlesnake and The Sunday School Teacher

One day, a Sunday School Teacher was walking home from Church when she came upon a rattlesnake, sunning itself in the road. The teacher was not frightened, for she knew that beyond the fangs of the snake was the comfort and protection of paradise. "Get thee behind me, Serpent!" she dictated. "Thou shalt not tempt me for I know whom it is I serve!"

The snake slithered off, looking for his own peace and a portion of a quiet and the Sunday School teacher walked on proudly and blithely ignorant of the buzz emanating from her own pocket. Upon her arrival at home, she took out her cell phone, never reading the instant message which read "thou shalt? u r old! lol."

Moral: Blessed are the scholars, for they shall be undisturbed.

The Armadillo and The Butterfly

Once upon a time, a chrysalis opened on the branch of a sagebrush by a highway near Las Cruces, New Mexico. The young butterfly blinked its beady little eyes at the sunlight and stretched out its beautiful wings.

"Do you mind? You're blocking my sun!" said an armadillo under the bush.

The butterfly put its wings together to free the sunlight and asked the armadillo, "Old dog, I have just left my cocoon and know little of the world and it's ways. What is the secret of your longevity?"

The armadillo answered "Only use doors that open both ways," as he rolled himself into his armor.

Moral: The Rio Grande Valley is a good place to come from.

Malthus, Thomas Robert 1766-1834; A British economist who predicted tribulation and upheaval from the stress of a population that grows faster than the pace of progress. Malthus is thought by modern economists to have erred in his calculations by not recognizing progress as the greater strain.

Mad

MAD, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that themselves are sane. For illustration, this present (and illustrious) lexicographer is no firmer in the faith of his own sanity than is any inmate of any madhouse in the land; yet for aught he knows to the contrary, instead of the lofty occupation that seems to him to be engaging his powers he may really be beating his hands against the window bars of an asylum and declaring himself Noah Webster, to the innocent delight of many thoughtless spectators.

2006 Update: Fixated on anachronisms such as eternity and evolution. After the fashion of a march hare in May.

Rabbit, Rabbit!