Thursday, July 20, 2006


ENGLISH, n. A language so haughty and reserved that few writers succeed in getting on terms of familiarity with it.

2006 Update: The only language appropriate to speak, write or conduct official business in throughout the United States, from California to Florida, Minnesota to Oklahoma, Illinois to Louisiana.

And happy birthday to the beautiful and brilliant twins,Goa'uld and Bookworm (Dddragon's daughters,) and God's blessings on each and every one of you who wasn't born in this long, infernal month.


Sar said...

English: Not as beautiful compared with French when written or spoken, but nonetheless perfect when prefacing muffin especially one with melted butter & grape jelly. Mmmmm!

ariel said...

English: one beautiful language to express very difficult things in a very simple way. see also Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead.

karma said...

main yaha pahooch gayi, bahut pareshaani kay baad

odcsd: oddly conveyed and said

ariel said...

hey hey fine ass!

karma said...

heyyy ariel - how you doing honey???

Sar said...

First! And I got to sleep in too. Doug you are an excellent host. Now, about those English Muffins, got any coffee with lateeda milk to accompany it? ;)

I should share that story with our buddies. When Doug & I met, I had coffee. The demanding waitress offered me a little bowl of creamer packets (that sh*t will kill ya, and frankly I'm not a fan of liquid plastic in my coffee). So I asked if I could have regular milk instead (I even said please) and she said "well lateeda!".

karma said...

sar, no pancakes?

Kyahgirl said...

Karma-nice to see the blue tush. Was that English?
Sar - I guess you just bring out the best in the wait staff with your high falutin requests!

English-for being such a common language, is spoken differently in Canada and the US as well as the UK. I get quite a kick out of the differences. Years ago when I was around 10 I had paper route (pronounced root). I went to deliver at one house where they had Amercian visitors. Imagine my bafflement when their boy, about my age, was asking me how I liked my route (pronounced to rhyme with out). It took me several tries to understand him.

Since I work in a large company with many American and European interactions, I get to enjoy accents, pronunciation and English usage oddities on a regular basis. Fun!

Mo'a said...

I lovelovelove...thanks Neva :) the English language....what other language has borrowed so many words from other languages....including my Mother tongue.....actually a lot of words came from Icelandic/Old Nordic.
I worked in Washington DC shortly after I had graduated from college in London, England.
I lived in a large building and there was a really cute guy who lived four door down from my apt. he had to pass mine from the elevator to get to his.....I said to him one day....I was probably batting my lashes at the same time..."Why don't you knock me up sometime" he looked stupified and then laughed, kissed me on the cheek and said "Honney nothing would give me more pleasure" I told my best friend about my conversation with cute guy, she set me straight....she told me then that my accent "Saves my ass"....she has a way with words.

By the way don't you people sleep?...*sigh* I will never be first here.

puppybrose said...

blogger was giving me fits this morning, causing me to spew a few well-chosen variations of English. now that i can comment, i feel better (i know how you worry)

also? i could have been teh first to leave a comment this morning.. but since i noticed a certain penguin poking about i thought it might be nice to leave teh spot open! (just sayin'...) xox

puppybrose said...

Sar: lateeda is English for "high-falutin' fancy schmancy nancy", right?

Joel said...

English:The rapid rotation on a ball, often not visible to the naked eye of a fan, that makes many a ballplayer the unwitting bafoon.

G said...

Oooh ooh pick me - I speak Enlgish!

Kyah - I'm laughing for two reasons. 1)I too had a paper r-out (so it seems to be a universal thing for Irish kids from big families). 2) Imagine that American boy's bafflement when his inroads at flirting were met with a befuddled stare.

Anonymous said...

English: I'm just baffled because succeed is spelled wrong. Gasp! That's poor English, Mr. Doug. This writer is horrified. HORRIFIED I say!!

karma said...

Laura, good to see your hairy hide too! :P
nope - it's Hindi for, 'After a lot of difficulty, I managed to get here'

puppy, i would imagine that's really 'laah-dee-dah' to describe English snootiness

Happy Happy Birthday Birthday, Goa'uld & Bookworm!!

sxivjyl: sex invariably has the VJ yelling

Kyahgirl said...

Happy Day to Goa'uld and Bookworm-Enjoy your day!

Thanks for the translation Karma-glad you could surrmount the difficulties. If you come a little closer I will deposit little white hairs all over you. For a brown/black dog, that is my main party trick :-)

G said...

Oh, where are my manners - forgot Happy Birthday to Goa'uld and Bookworm! And to my sister R (another of the 4 in July in my family :)

Sophisticated Writer said...

English: A language George Bush needs to learn CORRECTLY.

No further comment.

English is a funny language; that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway. ~Author Unknown

Hey, Doug, go read my last post and please answer my question (about writing paranormal romance) if you are interested. Anyone here is welcome to do so, too! Thanks ;)

pia said...

Happy birthday Goa'uld and Bookworm---it's a great week to have been born in

I will say in plain English that I can't thank Doug enough. I was touched almost beyond words, though I can always find some words that might be considered touched.

Many people hate all the meanings that can be construed from one English word. I love them basically because I can only speak English though spelling is another matter

And Doug I promise to try to have my birthday in another month next year

O Ceallaigh said...

Speak Eeenglish, Alvarado!

Happy Birthday to the impossibly cute avatar and her sister. And remember: Trumpet players rule!


Anonymous said...

Oh yes! I was so traumatized by the typo...Happy Birthday!!

Everyone seems to have a July birthday. I feel so left out.

Kyahgirl said...

What's wrong with July anyway Doug? I know so many nice people born in July. But thanks for the blessing anyway because I wasn't born in this long, infernal month :-)

Sar said...

Happy Sweet 16 to the Mini 3D's!

Karm - I don't think grape jelly goes as well with Pancakes, nor real maple syrup on English Muffins. But for you, my SIS, I'll make concessions. ;)

Puppybrose - That's certainly how the waitress perceived my request for the apparently hoity toity regular milk. Who knew! So from now on, whenever any of you add milk (not creamer crap) to your coffee, please do consider it not just milk, but lateeda milk. :)

M'oa - I loved that story! It reminded me of when I was in elementary school. There was a boy, Ken, who always teased me over nothing and everything. And one day I'd had it and I meant to say, "shut up or I'll wring your neck". But instead I said "shut up or I'll neck you". In that context, neck implies making out. !

Doug said...

Sar, you only think French is beautiful because you don't know what those scoundrels are saying.

Ariel, my solitary brush with greatness was playing Rosenkrantz in the Deep Springs College production. It was from that experience that I learned fame required wearing of girlish clothes and chose the path of mediocrity.

Ingrese, Karma!

Sar, the waitresses were pretty good. I'd go back there except it would mean driving to Palmdale, the only city in LA County more hillbilly than Santa Clarita.

Like Satan, Kyahgirl, English can take many forms.

Mo'a that's a pretty funny story. You could have been going to a grandchild's wedding this month.

Puppybrose, reason #227 I adore you is you're the only person more devoted to giving Minka a hard time for her typing than I.

Puppybrose, did you forget you already admitted to coming from Turlock?

Joel, I have been a master buffoon and buffooner at tennis. Back when I could still run and stand up and stuff.

G, good job cutting to the real point of the story from another perspective. You're ready to start your novel now.

Jenna, that was kind of ironic. Thanks for noticing. And thanks for actually reading the post.

Karma, I sure have missed your verifiers. You've inspired many clever ones by others but you are still the queen mum of verifiers.

Haha, Kyahgirl.

G, you have to be kidding me, right?

Sophisticated, I'll be there shortly.

Pia, I'm glad you had fun on your birthday, and grateful if I helped. Try April next year. You and Sar can have that one all to yourselves, I think.

Jenna, whose birthday is tomorrow? Has to be someone.

It's freaking hot, Kyahgirl! Every nice person seems to have been born in July.

Sar, was he frightened?

G said...

That's only the July birthdays Doug.

cj said...

English 1. The 9th grade class where you learned how to clean a gun, breed cows, make a potato cannon and the dangers of becoming a militant feminist during speech season.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

English, adj.
1.describing muffins.
2.describing strong effort. See put a little English on it!
3.describing an effeminate man. Also see is he gay, or just British?

Anomie-Atlanta said...

English: A language butchered by poets in pursuit of originality.
"Every English poet should master the rules of grammar before he attempts to bend or break them."
- Robert Graves

Doug said...

G, so we had your brother on the 4th, G on the 8th, R on the 20th. Which letter are we missing?

CJ, that's too funny. Were there any coming out speeches? We had one and I wish I'd had something to say for myself that would have put that expression on that teacher's face.

TLP, my ex, upon seeing which word I had up today wrote that she'd expected me to use your #3.

Forsooth, Anomie! And, um, alack!

Kyahgirl said...

oh g, I didn't see your paper r-out story! Another thing we have in common :-) Funny thing is, it never occured to me that the young fella might be flirting, I was always a complete doughhead in that department :-)

G said...


Joel said...

"If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur."
Doug Larson

G said...

and of course, out of family of origin, but English is his 2nd - maybe 3rd (technicalities) language is my hubby "A" or Scissorhands to you, on the 22nd and I didn't mention my nephew "B" on the 18th, but for all this I may just have to create a separate Birthday Blog. Hey...

cj said...

True story Doug. My 9th grade English teacher was a militant feminist, and had a long history of being one. By the time I arrived in MS. Treggasors class she was in her late 50's and let's just say well seasoned. We did speeches during part of the class that were "instructional". Being we were kids, the goal became to irratate the teacher. So we had everything from how to breed farm animals with artifical insemination, making pee shooters, how to stuff a pheasant, make your own potato cannon... you get the idea. We then moved to opinion speeches which usually hosted themes like "A woman's place is in the kitchen." "Birth control is an abomination of God" and "Why women shouldn't vote." While no one actually belived the crap they were giving their opinion speech on it did make for interesting debate and later fodder in the lunch room. That was 17 years ago... and probbably not permitted today. :) So when I think of English I think of MS. Treggasor and all the psychological warfare that ensued during that 9th grade class.

G said...

Kyah - and with such pointy ears and all, still didn't pick up that signal? That's okay I'm only good on that in hindsight.

Kyahgirl said...

I only pick up when really old guys are flirting with me g because they are so sweet about and so tickled themselves for doing it!

Doug, I never figured on the heat angle but yeah, I can see why that is tiresome. I don't do heat either and, as much as I complain about life in the great white north, for the most part the weather suits me fine.

I guess if we're all talking in English we're on topic for the day, eh?

puppybrose said...

right on Q, Joel (J), tho' not J, brother to G. (let me tell you something... that was hilarious when it was coming right after joel's comment after gina's comment. unfortunately, it took so long for me to finish this comment no fewer than 3--no 4 people edged me out of almost certain letter-based hilarity.) sigh

what have i done here? aieee! if English were a 2nd language for me, i suppose i'd have an excuse. alas (and alack) it is not. so i do not.

where was i? oh yeah...not Turlock, Doug, Tulare (close, but not enough dairy farms)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO the TWIN PEZLETTES. (my mom & older/insane sister were both born in July, so it is a very busy birthday month, indeed. hopefully September will be easier, since, so far, Joel and I are the only ones i know of with birthdays then.)

G said...

Ah, older insane sisters Puppy - shouldn't everyone have one? Hey wait a minute, I could technically qualify. I thought your letter humor quite funny. Good point Kyah, the word was English and lo and behold, here I am typing in it.

G said...

Ooh, I just saw TLP's definitions (looks like I missed a couple in there) and I am laughing.

mireille said...

Blatantly stolen from English "is an Indo-European language belonging to the West Germanic branch; the official language of Britain and the US and most of the Commonwealth countries..." but what I was really looking for was something about Chaucerian English because I've thought about this a lot and I've always believed Doug was a lot like the Friar. You know. xoxo

Kyahgirl said...

Mireille, you have such a wicked sense of humour. :-)

puppybrose said...

English: fodder for French Foolery?

French Soldier: You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts. ~ Monty Python (speaking of English humor, which, apparently, i am)

mireille said...

K-girl: heh. And PezTwins, Goa'uld and Bookworm:
iiiiiiiHappy Birthday!iiiiiii

Logophile said...

Tee hee, Mirielle, you are the best!
I loved the fact that when I was talking with other English (as a second language) teachers in Italy I was puzzling to them, because sometimes my usage was so very British English and other times it was unmistakably American English, and yes, those are two distinct categories, and there are separate textbooks even.

brian said...

Hi Doug,

Greetings from vacation, where an English speaking cyclist named Landis, today performed the most incredible athletic feat I have ever seen.

Btw, The Mother Tounge by Bill Bryson, is a great book about the history of American English.

Au revoir mon amis

G said...

Has the Enlgish Dictionary fallen from the shelf, hit Doug on the head and rendered him unconscious? Stay tuned dear readers...

Doug said...

G, the Irish really like each other a lot, don't they?

Joel, that's a great quote. Who is Larson?

G, why didn't you tell me about B. I had an opening on the 18th.

CJ, kids are so cruel. I'm glad I never grew up.

Kyahgirl, did I tell you I really wanted to go to college in Fairbanks? I figured the weather would suit both my taste and personality.

Right, Puppybrose, I knew that too. I bet I'm not the first to get my Central Valley T-named holes mixed up.

Mireille, I thought I was Benjamin Franklin. Please choose a scandal to tar me with and stick to it. See also Joel Chandler Harris

Puppybrose, you're making me hungry for fish n' chips au vin.

Logo, I wish those brits would learn the mother tongue.

Hey, good news, Brian. I hope you're having a ball.

G, actually I had an unscheduled veterinary appointment. All will be well, although poor Willie is an indoor dog for the next 4-6 weeks, which he'll hate. Walela, who loves couchtime, is out looking for a coyote to bite her too.

actonbell said...

Sar, I hope you got your milk.

English: the language spoken in the movie Sweet Sixteen.
We had to turn on the subtitles.

I kept hearing Rex Harrison "singing" Why Can't the English Teach Their Children how to Speak?

And a happy happy birthday to Dddragon's twins, Tok'ra and Goa'uld, and a happy UNbirthday to the rest of us.

AND there was much rejoicing!

actonbell said...

Oh, dear, I'm sorry to hear about Willie's misfortune:(

Kyahgirl said...

Willie got bit by a coyote? Oh no! That poor little guy, he has the worst luck! Give him a few cuddles from me please.

mireille said...

Ha! Brer Doug! In the southern vernacular of English xoxo

Doug said...

Thanks, Actonbell. He just got some shaved black forest ham for his suffering and there was much rejoicing. Poor little guy, though. Two fractures and some puncture wounds. His favorite part of his job description is running of coyotes. Looks like he found one who hadn't read his job description.

Thanks, Kyahgirl. Yeah, Willie has the optimism of the unlucky to carry him through. The part I feel kind of bad about is I find where they shaved him really funny.

Mireille, I was only going to let you get the better of me for so long. You may call me Tar Baby.

Kyahgirl said...

dogs know when you're laughing at them Doug!
where is he injured/shaved?

Doug said...

He was shaved on one spot on the outside of his bad hip and one place on the inside. The fractures seem to be on the pelvis.

Kyahgirl said...

Poor guy, how humiliating. I hope he recovers soon and suffers no long term ill effects.

dddragon said...

Spent the afternoon at a big arcade with go-carts, laser tag and video games. Followed by dinner out, now we await family for cakes and ice cream.

English: that affected accent that my twin girls like to talk with from time to time. When they're not speaking Latin and German at each other.

Jamie Dawn said...

Happy Birthday to DDD's girls!!!!!

I consider myself fluent in two English languages:
1. Regular, Normal English of CA
2. Extra Syllabic, Mumbly English of AR.
Someday, I will be trilingual when I become fluent in Genteel English of GA or SC.

karma said...

Dash it! So sorry to hear about Willie, old chap! No doubt he will be right as rain in a few days.

Since the Brits were here in India for 200 years, we speak the Queen's English, which is the only real English. You Americans went and screwed it up completely ...

*quietly creeps out the back door to go have tea and cucumber sandwiches*

The daughter of G said...

Doug, how did your dog get bit by a coyote?

G said...

Sorry about Willie - speedy recovery and plenty of shaved ham to him. Poor thing.

(and they say it's dangerous living in the city?).

Doug said...

Thanks, Kyah. He's an expert healer and I'm sure any longterm effects he'll handle with a positive attitude and a lust to murder rabbits.

Sounds like a great day, Dddragon. Glad you guys had it.

Jamie Dawn, if I speak with the tongues of angels but have not charity I am but a clanging cymbal.

Thanks, Karma. Enjoy the spot of tea, comrade.

Tali, kind of you to ask. Willie and I live at the last house in town before the desert wilderness starts. It's kind of a moving border and Willie probably tried to push it back a little further. Actually, Willie and Walela sometimes play with coyote pups and my neighbor last year took a picture of a coyote in my yard eating my watermelons. This is a long way of saying "I don't know" isn't it?

G, Willie loves it out here and has a real taste for adventure although not much luck for it.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

GOOD Evening. Welcome to the United States of America.

Press 1 For ENGLISH.

Press 2 To Disconnect until you have learned to speak ENGLISH.
So sorry about Willie! Ouch! Hope he gets well fast.

puppybrose said...

"I have traveled more than any one else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent” ~ Mark Twain

no cymbals, doug, but do i detect a slight accent?

hope willie is able to get after Wile E. faster'n you can say "beep beep"!

cooper said...

English: I speak it sometimes.
So many birthdays, so little time.

Jeso ...coyotes?
That is insane.

O Ceallaigh said...

You might think this silly, you westerners, but out East we have troubles with coyotes mauling dogs too. lots of coyotes have migrated into New England and created problems.

No word on whether a New England coyote speaks English, and if it does whether it pronounces its "R"s.


Joel said...

Hey Doug...wishing a speedy recovery to Willie!

puppybrose said...

trust me, O'C... we have them thar critters skulking about these parts, too. in fact, just last year a coyote snatched one of Kathie Lee Gifford's neighbors' dogs (big news in Greenwich.)sometimes our dogs catch a scent and don't want to go out AT ALL, which is sometimes a problem. a problem that causes us to use very colorful English.

ariel said...

hope Willie will soon run like a brand new dog. "funny" doesn't mean that they shaved little coyotes and "go home" writings on his limb, does it? those vets...

Happy Birthday to the 16 year old beauties! what a special thing it is to live as twins.

Anonymous said...

Poor Willie. He deserves a belly rub.

We have coyote problems too. There's a pack that moves through the reservoir dog park and then another in Fish Creek Park. There was even a coyote watch. Apparently it's not as cool as our Rat Patrol though because the Coyote Watch has disappeared.

Miz BoheMia said...

SO LATE, SO LATE to the party! Dios mio! And me? #70? Hmph! 69 should have been mine, MINE!!! Oooh! Look! My sistah and fellow Ladee Jenna got it! Ok! I can breathe now! That makes sense!

English... makes you wonder what is going on in the world when it is the strongest and best spoken language of all 5 in the world of a bohemian who is, by birth, Iranian/Danish and yeah, those two are on the bottom of the language skill level so... stuck with Ingles I am! Funkified!

Doug said...

TLP, what does "3" get me? Elected?

Puppybrose, is that a recent quote of Twain's?

Yeah, Cooper. In Willie's mind, chasing coyotes is perfectly rational but catching up to one is insane.

O Ceallaigh, where would a New England coyote have heard English?

Thanks, Joel. I appreciate that.

Puppybrose, are we sure that wasn't Kathy Lee Gifford's husband? Someone always wants to blame the dog.

Ariel, that's funny. Unfortunately the coyotes are the indigenous ones.

Jenna, thanks. I'll tell him you sent one.

Really Miz B? You're Iranian/Danish? Why did I think you were from Nebraska?

Minka said...

Happy birthday 3d's twins!!! Hope you had a lovely sweet 16! can say that again. Germany has record heat since whenever and that is exactly when I get here...people call me ice-cube now. I was found sleeping in teh bath tub is just too friggin' hot. Pardon my English!

Doug said...

Stay cool, Minka. It's hopeless out here.