Friday, July 14, 2006


IDIOT, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.

2006 Update: An engineer using chopsticks, a physicist on a bike, an economist in a convenience store or a poet with a mike.


shayna said...

"Idiot Waltz"

What have I done with the baby tonight
Every one wants to play
The phone just stopped ringing
I forgot how to sing and
There's no more room in the table

Heard you all talking and toasting last night
But somebody's just barely there
The kitchen's too hot and she's roasting alright
And I miss my usual chair

Here comes that shine looks a lot like your eye
And here comes the moon like a fool
There goes my heart I swear I dreamt this part like idiots usually do
Why we do that now you know it's true

Come over here and wind up my ear
'Cause somebody wants me brand new
They say if you're smart
Then you won't buy used parts
So I'm glad you're an idiot too

shayna said...

Well spit on my shoes and call me silly... I am first! :) Has this ever happened before???

Sar said...

Idiot: An intellectual free pass. See: Dubya and those who still continue with blind alliance to him. Alternatively, an occassional bus riding, more often cycling, coffee snob with an orange spikey head.

puppybrose said...

"He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher...or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.” ~Douglas Adams

Joel said...

"Show me a good loser and I'll show you an idiot."
Leo Durocher

Joel said...

"As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot."
John Lennon

(Okay, no more quotes from me today)

Mo'a said...

Idiot: I hear he lives in a White House.

pia said...

Idiot: a person who buys an apartment with the smallest weirdest shaped kitchen, is so wrapped up in her life, doesn't realize the fridg is dying. Though she has been told that there are no warning signs---can't believe that there's no life support and now has to find a fridg that can be delivered today

Idiot: my life story as told by me

Sophisticated Writer said...

When I become the village idiot, or at least, it starts to become a joke, you can't do that much longer.
~Joan Van Ark~

Also, idiot: My old "retarded" ex-boss, someone who thought he was too good for the job when in fact the job was too good for him.

brian said...

Yo, Yo.
Dis is da poet
and I've got da mic
I hope ya like
cause we gots all night.
tired of crap
floating round
so many peeps
are dragin me down
don't cramp my style
I am da bomb
hold on tight
might take awhile
so clap your hands
and close your eyes
this here's
my big surprise
not my thing
dis rapping gig
makes me look
like an IDIOT!

*disclaimer, the poet memtioned in the above rant, does not resemble, relate, nor in any way represent the idiot know as hummingbunny*

puppybrose said...

"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” ~Stephen Wright

"Idiots and lunatics see only their own wit.” ~ Fran├žois de la Rochefoucauld

Idiot: person who resorts to predigested wisdom in order to seem smart and/or witty (with apologies to Bierce)

G said...

Although very good quotes above, only an idiot would take this bait.

Jodes said...

is that you!!! awwh what a nice face!!!! speaking of faces you should see the ones posted on mine today!!!! ;)

puppybrose said...

Idiot: one who attends to blogs before dogs. (see also, carpet cleaner)

G said...

By the way, are you wearing eyeliner? I know, only an idiot would ask that question.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

...or a genius using a camera? You are so cute!

Idiot, n., Everybody. Just in different ways. It's impossible to make things idiot-proof, 'cause idiots are so ingenius.

Is there is not-so-hidden message in the wedding pix?

Doug said...

Shayna, this is the first time I can recall you first and you stepped in with the Idiot's Waltz. Well done.

Sar, you've just named 30% plus one of our fellow citizens. Why do you hate America?

Puppybrose, an idiot is never honored at home.

Joel, Durocher had a way with words, didn't he? Lennon was a scandalous iconoclast, God bless him.

Actually, Mo'a, Barneyis supposed to be pretty smart. I heard he even wrote the post-invasion plan himself.

Nah, Pia, the idiot's the one who throws the refrigerator out the window before it breaks. You didn't do that did you?

Sophisticated, Joan Van Ark?

Brian, I'm so glad for the disclaimer. Thank you.

Puppybrose, do you suppose Rochefoucauld was bitter that no-one got his?

G, discretion is just silent idiocy.

Thanks, Jodes, the faces are better on your site.

Haha, Puppybrose. That's why I leave in a desert canyon, or as Willie and Walela call it, the bathroom.

G, you're kidding right? Do I look like a hairdresser to you?

Anomie-Atlanta said...

Idiot - see also the masses

Doug said...

TLP, I didn't think it was a very hidden message. If you're asking if I'm planning a wedding then I'm asking what time you started drinking.

Anomie, especially one at a time.

G said...

Here I thought I was being valiant. Oh and I'm not sure, what does one look like?

Armenian Man Sweat said...

I hate to direct people to another blog
but its worth it

watch "Pig Man" on

and you have the embodiment of today’s Definition

PS - Doug had to post with this nickname after SS told me it came up in a convo. you guys had


Karen said...

IDIOT... oh, can't let this one pass!!

there's only one true IDIOT and he resides in the white house... waza matter with ya, don't ya know that by now, sheesh!! oh, and yeh, then there's the vice IDIOT who woulda been better off if he'd blown his head off on that so-called hunting trip, and then there's the con-do-leeeeeeeeeeeeeza IDIOT and the rummy tum tum IDIOT, and, and, and, and, so many bushie rethug IDIOTS, not enough space here!

btw, have a great day and don't let those IDIOTS get ya down!! :-)

ariel said...

idiot, er, metrosexual man looking for pimples with flash late at the night?

The Village Idiot said...

Ahhh, Idiot what a word. As a matter of fact, I feel many posts deep in the core of my being about ready to spew forth across the pages of this blog...

Idiot: A person who thinks their intellect is dizzying when in reality they are just dizzy.

Or perhaps it is the tight orange hat.....

mireille said...

... what I've been known to mutter when an administration spokesperson holds forth on CNN. Also, are those bridesmaids and groomsmen action figures? How subconscious! xoxo

The Village Idiot said...

Airel -- I have no pimples because I exfoliate regularly

Logophile said...

a software engineer on-line?

Logophile said...

Doug, you appear to be concentrating so hard on that task!

cj said...

idiot the woman who gives up her free day in the week to spend time with her mother in law while deep down inside knowing better.

The Village Idiot said...

It could be logo but I define Idiot this way:

An Engineer on a bicycle going about 20 mph noticing a click coming from one of the pedals. So he clips his left foot out and keeing his right foot clipped in continues to push on the pedal, no click/creak. He unclips his right food, and THINKS his left foot is clipped in and starts to pedal with his left foot. His left foot slips off the pedal and lodges itself firmly between the front fork and wheel and, said engineer experiences Newtons Law. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Its amazing how quickly you can flip over the bars and end up on your back wondering just what happened.....

Joel said...

Accomplice, Partner-in- crime, Unindicted co-conspirator, Bride: Idiot by association

Mo'a said...

No, No, I would never call anyone on four legs an idiot.....what do you think I am? an.....Humffff!!!

Pretty funny though and you are no idiot you found the right house...wrong occupant....but the right house.

Cute photos.....I am making a cake topper for a certain cake that will be presented in Denmark....yes I know, I could have bought one....just think of the shame of it if I had....I am a sculptor after all.
You look very cute on that photo...are you looking at me?????

Sar said...

Listen here you pesky human Willie impersonator, only an idiot would believe my disdain for corruption and ignorance translates into my hate for Americans. :P

Uh, no reference to you intended, VI. Clearly you have a dizzying intellect.

(Btw, Brian - your poem made me laugh.)

The Village Idiot said...


Logophile said...

Did Ariel suggest that Doug is
A. An idiot
B. A metrosexual
I may pass out from the shock

Logophile said...

VI~ Oh no, clearly it IS conceivable, in fact, it happened about 42 years ago, isn't it?

Doug said...

G, how would I know? I'm lucky to comb.

Armen, I enjoyed that very much. I think I have it recorded at home.

Karen, I had a feeling the administration might come up today.

Ariel, I think a metrosexual man is wise to check for pimples.

Idiot, at least it'll help if you run into a wall or a bus.

Mireille, I think the wedding cake is a fine place for action. A Farewell to All That.

Logo, I wanted a picture of myself for "Idiot." So I took it in the mirror and forgot to turn off the flash. Could it be more perfect? I wasn't concentrating I was stargazing.

CJ, you sure seem to volunteer a lot. Which is worse? The mother-in-law or the gang of teenage criminals?

Ha, Joel. I'm with stupid t-shirts are cheaper than white taffeta, not to mention more honest.

Mo'a I was actually blinded by light, so, yes.

Sar, ok but you hate minorities, right?

V.I. Drinking from either cup?

Logo, if she guessed A she's right.

Come on, a4g, you get the best of me 9 times out of 10.

G said...

Logo - He denies, but I think he may be wearing eyeliner in his photo.

Jamie Dawn said...

Ariel and the Village Idiot really cracked me up!

Your self-photo is making a funny point.
Idiots do idiotic things. Since you posted a pic of yourself, you are saying that you do idiotic things. I find that hard to believe. You seem unidiotic. But, what do I know? I'm an idiot.

The Village Idiot said...

there is a largh difference between conceive and contheive I leave the proof for the reader

Logophile said...

VI,...leave the proof for the reader...
You would,
too idiotic to generate any yourself, thus proving my point.

G~ I think those are dark circles, maybe he should quit getting up so early in the morning.

G said...


cj said...

I don't know Doug, I'll have to get back to you on this one. However, if I was gambling on this today - as far as who is worse... I'd put my money on the MIL.

The Village Idiot said...


The proof is so simple any Idiot could figure it out.

Logophile said...

Ok, fine,
so put your idiocy on display,
what exactly is the difference in definition between contheive and conceive?
(note, difference in definition not spelling)

The Village Idiot said...

conceive ..pronounced con sieve. Therefore, looking at that prefix we see con, contrary, contralto, convict.

Moving on to the suffix we see an entire word sieve. As every idiot knows a sieve is merely a screen.

Therefore the conclusion can be drawn that this is nothing but a smokescreen designed to redirect, obfuscate and confuse.

conthieve on the other hand simply describes the act of thievery, where one consieves

We simply consieve when we conthieve.

Logophile said...

And there is it, ladies and gentleman, clear evidence, that at least one idiot was indeed conceived approximately 42 years ago and presented here for your enjoyment.
Don't forget to tip your waitress, he'll be for quite a while, feel free to come back again anytime!

G said...


tsduff said...

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.
~Mark Twain

There are so many definitions.

LeesahEm. said...

idiot-a fool with better income.

puppybrose said...

uh...did i miss something here? about thieves and cups and t-shirts and wedding cakes and eyeliner?

god! i feel like such a freaking idiot!

Napoleon Dynamite: Deb just called me. She pretty much hates me by now.
Pedro: Why?
Napoleon Dynamite: Because my uncle Rico's an IDIOT.
Pedro: Do you have anything to give to her?
Napoleon Dynamite: No. Not unless she likes fish.

i'm sorry, but, along with images from the Princess Bride, scenes from Napolean Dynamite keep popping in my head. should i be worried? should you? do you like fish?

O Ceallaigh said...

OK Dawg, what have you got against my hero Prof. Einstein? Eh?

IDIOTS, n. Ones who has lost control of their Freudian slips.

And as for GWB. Hey. We elected him. Twice. Yes we did. Don't get me started. No one made the country come to a halt until they got it right. We elected him. Who're the idiots, really?

O Ceallaigh said...

More serious note. I trust you're not in the path of any fires, Doug? In a California summer, one must be real careful of idiots with cigarettes ...

puppybrose said...

ooooh... O'C, i'm so GLAD you asked doug about those fires! honestly, i meant to earlier and, as is so often the case, managed to completely forget! (as you may have surmised, that e-mail i owe *you* falls into that category, as well) no wonder i feel like such an idiot.

Sar said...

*clears throat* Having met our curmudgeon host, I have seen these two-toned eyes in person (*gloats*). So I can confirm that Doug does in fact wear eyeliner. You see, it's having to repress his metrosexual side that really makes him such a curmudgeon. Don't let him fool you otherwise.

Sar said...

OC, we didn't elect Bush twice. We elected Gore the first time around. And I've personally only elected to resent & berate Bush.

G said...

Thanks for confirming my suspicions Sar. I can now go home. Have a good weekend everybody.

O Ceallaigh said...

You can get a map of the currently-active California fire zones here. Doug should be on the other side of Los Angeles from the headlined fires, more than 80 miles away.

Sar, I'm a curmudgeon too. One that says we allowed Bush to take office in 2000. So in practical terms, hanging chads notwithstanding, we elected him.

puppybrose said...

regarding the eyeliner? i'm guessing it's kohl, right? and it looks lovely, Doug. (not to mention mysterious.) thanks Sar! (how's that ankle?)

oh, and Sar? not only did we the people elect Gore the first time around...apparently we elected Kerry the 2nd! i believe we have a couple of world class idiots in Ohio to thank for that last bit of election thievery... but don't quote me. (and don't get on my case O'C... i know where you stand on this!!)

g: have a good weekend NBFF!!

yes Doug... i'm done. sorry.

Doug said...

G, do you really want to get into this?

Jamie Dawn, I think a guy who decides to use his own picture for a post and takes it in the mirror without turning the flash off is not above idiocy. But thanks anyway.

CJ, I never bet with the judge. Just let me know.

Terry, that's a fantastic quote. Twain was something else.

Masil, I love that.

Puppybrose, I'd never turn down a delicious bass.

O Ceallaigh, I can't believe that cartoon. I could have saved myself so much trouble about the circles under my eyes if I'd only seen that sooner. I'll leave you and Sar to the politics for now. I didn't bring up the President. Thanks for your question, though. The fires are about 80 miles East of me, heading North so I'll be alright. Actually, two years ago there were massive fires on my North, East and South so I'm pretty safe for a little while. Kind of you to ask.

Jeez, Sar, two hours in a diner sure made you an expert. Especially with you doing all the talking. If only I could be so perceptive.

Doug said...

G, here I wanted you guys to get to know me better, to have a sense for me in person and all I get is scandalized and speculated. I should have known. I should have known. Have a great weekend.

Very good, O'C. Yes, I'm due North by Northwest from Los Angeles proper and the fires are East.

Puppybrose, nothing to apologize for, although I'm still not convinced about either 2000 or 2004 except that however Bush got in, we really need to do better next time. And why can't I just be ugly?

actonbell said...

idiot~ a person who continues to feed coins into the same unreliable vending machine that has ripped her off many times. (see also obsessive and destructive gambling)

Antonia said...

haha that was fun.

Anonymous said...

Hmm...idiot. So much to do with this word and so little time.

I'd say: two Canadian babes in a California pool all to themselves going "k-kish!" with noodles they slap them against the water. And one forgets she's doing a somersault in the water and panics. Know those shark feeding frenzy scenes on Discovery Channel? It looked like that. Surprisingly....THIS WASN'T ME!! I'm a Pisces...I'm a water baby. And now, I'm not going to discuss the idiotic sunburn on my back. Sigh. Stupid, useless sunscreen.

Sar said...

Hey flash freak, I'll have you know it was 3 hours and I did so stop talking long enough to have the 7 bites it took to finish my breakfast, so I am a resident expert thank you very much!

Thanks for the lovin & back at ya both G & Puppy (and the ankle's doing mucho better thanks for asking).

And OC, as for the 2000 election, I have one acronym for you, my friend - SCOTUS. Just sayin.

Anonymous said...

Guess which idiot left her brand new $18.50 Can. Romantic futuristic sexpot romp book on Air Canada flight 579, in the pocket of seat 23D? Crap I just started to read that book. And it was the GOOD PART!!! Aurgh!!

Sar said...

Oh and Jenna I neglected to mention, enjoy your time in Disneyland - I can't believe we missed meeting each other by a matter of days! I recommend seeking out Mr. Incredible in California Adventureland.

That's it for me folks; Drone & Prattle with you later this weekend.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Wow. Some snarkin' goin' on here! Fun.

I haven't started drinkin' so I'm breathing a sigh of relief for your bachelorhood. In my defense, you DID take your own pix, and you DID post a wedding pix, so an idiot could think that you were doing something stupid like getting married. Not that there's anything wrong with that. (It's just that you haven't properly introduced us to any intended victom.)

G said...

Ahh Doug, don't me mad - especially on my account. I happen to like the dark circles (I have two of my own that I've grown fond of) and I myself don't wear eyeliner much either.

Hey wait, you should have known what? That I'm an idiot! I'll have you know I don't need to come here to get insulted. So have yourself a great weekend.

Oh and Sar, good to see you up and brawling. The ankle has not slowed you down, if anything, might have given you just that extra edge that you wear so well.

Jenna - I'm guessing passenger 23D is probably very happy right now. Hope your having a good time. We've missed you around the Snark.

Doug, one last little thing - where do we order our copies?

Anonymous said...

I'm home now, G. Utterly exhausted. In utter pain. Sigh. Stupid sunburn. And if 23D doesn't enjoy their free, sexy book...they're an idiot.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

Oh, don't even get me started on this one!

SquareGirl said...

Idiot: A condition of which no one is immune. (squares are especially susceptible) perhaps big pharma will come up with a vaccination for the condition one day...

nice photo! and yeah, the flash in the mirror causes interesting results, i know pretty well...still yours turned out pretty swell!

Doug said...

Actonbell, or someone who eats what does what come out. Come on, those red vines were there the day I was born.

Welcome, Antonia.

Jenna, freckled girls and the California sun can go badly together. That's why we only have fake blondes.

Sar, you mean the electoral college?

Jenna, think of all the places your book will go.

TLP, how could I get engaged without your disapproval?

Haha, G. I wasn't mad. It was my turn to rant. Copies of what?

Jenna, welcome home and I hope we treated you well.

Poobah, I knew I'd seen this word somewhere before on a blog.

Thanks, Squaregirl. You don't need a vaccine for idiocy, you need a diploma.

ariel said...

TLP, I had the oposite impression, I thought the message was that those well dressed proper dolls are the ones look so normal but are idiots in real (get married), while the suspicious figure sneaking through the night with flash who may look like a serial killer but he's the normal one in real (not get married).

ariel said...

now that thinking about it, another possible message comes to me: the upper photo is of the event of great expectations, the one below is of the way things go after that... finally we can have some ideas what Desdemona could feel when opened her eyes that last night. 'Photograph me to-morrow: let me live to-night!'

Minka said...

I always thought that this whole "Dogs look like their owner"-thing was a myth.
I stand corrected!
seriously you guys, look at it!

G said...

Doug - A copy of the photo of course to add to the family album!

puppybrose said...

g: that was my thought, as well!

ariel: and see....i was thinking Norma Desmond in lieu of Mr. DeMille

Doug said...

Ariel, maybe I meant to offer the full spectrum of idiots, from wed to unwed. and Ha!

Hahaha, Minka. You're too focussed on the ears.

A g, download away.

Puppybrose, I didn't think Sunset Boulevard was missing anything but you found something. I'm actually a little surprised that in the Faye Dunaway version, Norma Desmond didn't peel off a mask to reveal she is, in fact, Cecil B. DeMille.

cooper said...

We've all been one and we'll all be one again and again..........idiots never learn.

That isn't exactly the picture I have in my mind when I think "idiot" but it's good to know. ;)

Doug said...

Ha, Cooper. I wouldn't you to have any false notions that didn't come from The Nation.

Indeterminacy said...

Idiot: The last person to comment on Doug's post.

(Ha! I dare anyone to respond to this)