Wednesday, October 05, 2005

For The Lord God Omnipotent Reigneth-Special Guest Cleaning Supply

Yes, brothers and sister's, in humility and thanksgiving I announce the coming of the Soap. She writes:

Friends, first Doug wanted me to define patristics. I confess that I had to look the word up in my Compact Bible Dictionary to find that it means "The study of the lives, writings, and doctrines of the Church fathers." That seems like a bunch of university mumbo-jumbo to the Little Bar of Soap. Read the Bible (King James version) and all will be clear. The word patristics itself makes me think of fishsticks -- and that's just what I say to this term, "Fishsticks!"

Then Doug gave me a second choice, "fidelity". All any of you ever do is taunt and tease the Little Bar of Soap anyway, so I have nothing to lose by playing along. I will try to be clever, as Doug and his readers like to be, though it strikes me as sinful vanity to be so witty to no Christian purpose (see Pride, one of the Seven Deadly Sins).

Fidelity, n. 1. Fidelity Investments: for those who worship Mammon (see Greed and Envy, two more of the Seven Deadly Sins).
2. High Fidelity (HiFi): for those who listen to the Devil's music (see Anger and Sloth and Gluttony and Lust, the final four of the Seven Deadly Sins).
3. Faithfulness to one's Christian obligations and duties. Praise be to Jesus!

About The Little Bar of Soap.The Little Bar of Soap (Soapy) writes a very earnest site and is, frankly, brilliant at developing clever animations and audio visuals and pointing out wickedness to the wicked. Albert Schweitzer was a missionary among the poorest of the poor, Mother Theresa tended to the dying and Martin Luther risked his life to challenge the powerful. From their seats in heaven all three must gasp at Soapy's fortitude, a clanging cymbal of faith among the corrupt, reprehensible and out in blogworld.

Some of my readers have made great sport of the Little Bar of Soap, but I say to all of you that although the mountains shall crumble and the hills wear away, my love will not depart from her. She has gone into all the blogosphere to share the good news of Jesus and his love. Preparing the way of the Lord, she makes the crooked straight and the rough places plain, while not persecuting the bent, something we all appreciate. She sees the sparrow fall and I know she has her eyes on me. God bless you, Soapy.

How to be a Special Guest on Waking Ambrose: Please send me an email at dpascover at mac dot com and let me know that you're willing to write a definition for a future Wednesday guest post. The only rules are no profanity and a request that you return your definition by the following Saturday.


TLP said...

Well, I love The Little Bar of Soap. She's a good and pure girl. On a par with Ivory any day.

Fidelity, n., What one expects from others, but doesn't necessarily give to others in return.

An illogical expectation of an improbable outcome.

A Little Bar of Soap said...

Thank you, Doug, for this lovely tribute. May Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, shine down His blessings upon you this day.

This is your least FILTHY post yet!

Doug The Una said...

TLP, you're channeling Bierce these days. What do you think she does with the other .56%?

Thanks, Soapy and well done. Thank you for bringing some much-needed rectitude to this site.

Lila said...

Fidelity Investments... reminds me that my hero Paul McCartney is now doing ads for them! Why, oh why? We all know Sir Paul doesn't need the money. I would feel guilty doing a commercial for Fidelity Investments, so what on earth is Paul thinking?


Sister Soapy, thank you for reminding us of the Seven Deadly Sins. I always learned this as WASPLEG:

Wrath (anger)
Avarice (greed)

Isn't that handy?

mireille said...

thank you sister ap3 for the nifty mnemonic (is that right?) ... well, we know Sister Soapy is righteous anyway. Sister, could you start a convent where we could all go for vacation ... kind of a spiritual spa for sinners? mwah! and zockso!

Tom & Icy said...

LBOS is a very decent and good person and worthy of our respect. The taunting is all in fun.

Logophile said...

I enjoyed this definition very much.
I am a little worried that LBOS may be straying from the true Gospel though, as I detailed on her site.
Continue in prayer for her, no doubt satan works very hard against her in light of her important work here in the blogosphere.

Cooper said...

Fidelity,n.- A type of moral excellence possessed by those who have yet to have promised such or a village in Illinois and a town in Missouri, or the gay name for the dictator of Cuba.

Sar said...

Sister Soap - Great job, very creative. Though I suddenly feel the need to trade my stilettos for sneakers. :)

Doug The Una said...

AP3, Isn't there a mnemonic that makes them sound yummier?

Zockso, Mireille!

Sure, Icy. Like you wouldn't bite her ankle if you had the chance.

Ariella, we all need to be kept on the straight and narrow. It's what fellowship is all about. FILTH!!!

Funny, Alice.

Sandals, Sar, sandals.

dddragon said...

Does Soapy keep Mr. Clean in the cabinet?

Rio said...

something i am currently aspiring to while trading in my many un-fidelity-like traits for a boyfriend once again, i'll have to admit however once summer rolls around again all bets are off. and to soapy you are astounding in your way to preach the word, in an ever so "word" unfriendly environment.

Sar said...

Doug - Well, I do have these really cute strappy, wait. That's just sinful. I need me some Jesus sandals, yes, that's what I need.

(Dddragon - your comment just cracked me up.)

Anonymous said...

Somehow, all this Jesus stuff makes Doug's Mama very uneasy today, this being the second day of Rosh Hashanah and all! Well, I would pray for all of you if I knew how. My only hope is that some of soapy's suds wash away your mistakes of last year and lead you all onto a less dogmatic path next year. Atheists, Agnostics, Universal Unitarians, Fallen Away souls and White Sox fans unite!

Hobbes said...

Your LOVE will not depart from HER????????
HelLO!!!!! I am also working very hard on JESUS in the blogaspheer!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

wow. Miss one day on Doug's blog and have no idea what anybody is talking about

Anonymous said...

ROLL IN THE ASHES LAUGHING! Bar of Soap and Tan Lucy will be great entertainment for us when they get down here!

Jamie Dawn said...

I'm sure the Lord is proud of The Little Bar of Soap.

Lila said...

Congrats again on the White Sox, Doug!

TLP said...

Yikes! The Devil's after me!

Doug The Una said...

Dddragon, *snort*

Rio, spend time on Soapy's site. I find she arouses my virtues.

Sar, Jesus never wore high heels, so far as was recorded.

Ramadan Kareem, Mama.

Actonbell, here I was thinking of baseball. You're right!

Pansi, I love Soapy IN THE LORD!!!!!!

Do what, Pia?

Devil, I think TLP's gonna end up on the roof.

As are we all, Jamie Dawn.

You know, Aral, I got up to visit the necessaries between the fourth and fifth inning and spent the whole time composing a gracious note of congratulations to you. Got back just in time to see my favorite Boston player Buckner it.

Don't worry, TLP. He'll never take you alive.

Minka said...

I can´t concentrate on the definition. A little Bar of Soap reminds me of punishment.
I don´t know if you do this in the States, but when I was young and was using bad language my aunt would get a bar of soap and cleanse my mouth. Whenever I got mad and was about to explode she looked at me with those eyes that said "Don´t make me get that bar of soap!"

A Little Bar of Soap said...

That's right, Monika... the Little Bar of Soap is here to remind you to behave -- or else!

Eternal damnation is much worse than a pitiful mouth-washing!

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