Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Special Guest Pirate


Aaaaaaargh! Piratical ejaculation of indeterminate spelling denoting everything from frustration to grim satisfaction. One-Eyed Sam supplies examples for our edification:

1. (Frustration): Aaaargh! Another voyage with Brown Beard!

2. (Reflection): Aaaargh . . . what I'd do to that lubberly son of a sea cook if I was cap'n!

3. (Fright): Aaaaargh! 'Tis the ghostly crew of The Venus what I sank last Tuesday, beckoning to me across the water!

4. (Excitement): This map says there be treasure under the dead oak on Skeleton Point. Aaaargh!

5. (Grim satisfaction): Brown Beard's fallen over a cliff you say? Aaargh, it was a long time coming.

About our guest lexicographer: One-Eyed Sam is a denizen of Stuffed Animal Planet, where he was born to a poor wood cutter and his wife in the wilds of Ork. At the age of five, Sam ran away to sea, where he demonstrated an early aptitude for looting and pillaging that helped him rise rapidly through the pirate ranks. During the ascendancy of the Captists (a cat-worshipping religious sect), One-Eyed Sam's crew fought against the UnCaptist insurgency, but were vanquished at Dogoba, Ork's capital city, by the Dead Pirates, the Red-Caped Crusader, and the ineptitude of Brown Beard. Since then they have gone into business for themselves and cruise the seas between Bathtubbia and Ork, occasionally going up river to attack large cities. Recently, they have been campaigning for planetary peace because they believe it will give them better opportunities for robbery and murder. They are also starring as themselves in Toyplayer's drama, "The Pirate Election," over on "The Pansi Files."
Sam's bitterness against Brown Beard stems from the loss of his eye and his leg, both casualties of Brown Beard's clumsiness, and from resentment on behalf of his mates, who have almost all suffered similar maiming at Brown Beard's hands.

Mrs. Weirsdo, Sam's editor and amanuensis, is to be commended for her bravery, as One-Eyed Sam is extremely touchy about how he is represented to the public, and Mrs. Weirsdo could have gotten her head sliced off for even approaching him. She wishes to express her gratitude to Sam for his forbearance during his lexicographical debut.

A note from the previous editor: Weirsdo went fourth wall writing the "About" section too and I appreciate the humor, especially in a hectic week, so I'll let it stand but for this story:

In the dark days of Waking Ambrose, there were two frequent readers, Weirsdo through her character, Pansi, and Pia. In those days it came to pass that on Weirsdo's blog, The Pansi Files a sidestory developed in which I was desperately and, for a long time, unsuccessfully trying to woo Pansi. Another blogger frequently commenting on Weirsdo's site and unaware that Pansi was, in fact, the painted and bangled barbie doll in her avatar decided to vie with me for Pansi's affections and the competition grew quite fierce. Soon, my rival, a genuine intellectual, asked Weirsdo, a certified one, to write a guest post on philosophy on his blog and for my own amusement I left a comment beneath his asking Pansi to write a guest post on mine. It was a lot of fun and the Wednesday guest post became a regular feature.

Since then, Weirsdo appeared in this story here and, much more impressively, published a novella which I enjoyed reading, in serial form, as much as any book I read last year and have enjoyed even more reading straight through. I recommend it highly.

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

I will be contacting previous guests who regularly comment here to repeat in no particular order. Previous guests who haven't been much heard from since their guest post should recontact if they would like to repeat.


Minka said...

*looks around nervously for lurkers in the back and quickly hits teh Publish button.......*

Minka said...

*...only to realize she´s gotten paranoid*

Yeah I never got the story straight with Weirsdo and Pansi and Mrs Weirsdo...I always thought they were one person.
*slams palm of hand against forehead*

I have Captain Hook´s Pirate boat standing right here next to me...
I didn't know about this sound before *clears throat* :Aaaaaaaaarg! but it seems to sum up most of the conversation a pirate could have!

Minka said...

shamrock, I was planning on doing that if I came in second. Nice!

TLP said...

That Weirsdo. Wish I had her imagination. Or. Maybe not.

Anonymous said...

Yes, TLP. Insanity does run in the family.
Anyway, thanks, Doug, and especially for the very kind words about the novella.

Anonymous said...

Aaaaargh, that's a fine looking post!

Anonymous said...

Aaaargh! Tis raining again where we be, causing all the lily-livered landlubbers to creep along the roads and highways ever so slowly and leaving the likes of me filled with an overwhelming desire to push 'em all off the plank to the depths below...aaargh!

Anonymous said...

Arrrrrrgh! 'tis a brilliantly funny post by a brilliantly clever pirate. and, for a land-lubber, the brilliant wordsmith Mrs. Weirsdo ain't bad, either. Arrrrrgh!

i'm just laughing at the description of you and another vying for Pansi's "affections" and will read with glee all the posts One-Eyed Sam, Mrs. Weirsdo, and you have linked to. oh, and speaking of Mrs. Weirsdo, i'm embarrassed to say i'm still workin' on the novella *hangs head in shame* what? i've got a perfectly good excuse: i got distracted. then, the computer went down everytime i started to read a new chapter. THEN, the dogs somehow managed to get tangled up in a bunch of cords and by the time i got them out i had to... uh... fix dinner! THEN i forgot to pay our cable bill and we lost our connection! FINALLY after ALL THAT, PIRATES showed up at my front door and pillaged our home! ARRRRRRRGH!!

joymd: clinical psychologist?

Anonymous said...

I appreciate ANYONE making ANY effort with the novella, Puppybrose. Thanks.

Ariel the Thief said...

so those were the dark days when Weirsdo and Pia were your readers? just askin'


Weirsdo, you are a truly frightening person to me, so much energy, talent, wit and humour in one woman, sometimes I wonder who writes you, genius creator you...

Anonymous said...

Absolutely brilliant.

The amoeba said...

AAAA[...]RGH, interj. And it is an interjection, matey. Ejaculation. Hmph. I'm sure the piratical minions would thoroughly enjoy the salacity of the malapropism. If they could figure out what the AAAARGH you were talking about.

Where was I? Oh. Right.

AAAA[...]RGH, interj. Work. All of the above.


Doug The Una said...

Minka, your success is gratifying to all of us. I had the same experience when I first read the Pansifiles. When I suddenly realized Pansi was really a doll I smacked myself on the forehead. And then came courting.

Shamrock, ARRRGGH, yerself, Matey!

TLP, it's a sometimes thing for me, too.

Arrrgh, thank'ee, One eye! Rum?

Shiver me timbers, Joel.

Puppybrose, a little time with Joy wouldn't do you any harm.

Ariel, Dinsosaurs still roamed a flat earth and Hungary ruled the waves.

CJ, Thank'ee on Weirsdo's behalf.

O Ceallaigh, I'll let you Ph.D.s trade ejaculations for interjections.

mireille said...

errrrrr, I want to join the Captists (a cat-worshipping religious sect)only I want to join the dog division. Ok? Nice post! I like hearing about the dark days before Waking Ambrose. You know, for the history. xoxo

The Village Idiot said...

Arrrrgh! good Night Westley, Sleep Well. I'll like as not kill you in the morning.

Obtuse and witless as ever...

Anonymous said...

"Interjection" is a correct grammatical term; however, "ejaculation" is hardly a malapropism. Look it up.
No hard feelings, though. It is fun to have this kind of intercourse with you.

Anonymous said...

That last was for O'Ceallaigh.
For Mireille: You are a Dogtist. Very different.

Anonymous said...

And Ariel and CJ: Thanks.

Village Idiot: Hardly, since you always beat me on Logo's quiz, even when the pirates help me.

I'll stop cluttering the comments now.

dddragon said...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaarggh!: term oft heard when Blogger is not being nice.

Ariel the Thief said...

Hungary still rules the waves. ask the pirates.

The Village Idiot said...

I thought that was Barbary ariel...

The amoeba said...

[... sitting here wondering how one can have intercourse without hard feelings. Must be a dry, sitting-room, Ph.D.-intellectual kind of thing. Probably discussing Hemingway's Jake Barnes. Arrrgh.]

cyllienu - Silly. And you?


Doug The Una said...

Mireille, I don't think you want to hear about the Captist baptism.

Village Idiot, if you're having self-esteem issues, maybe you should try blogging as "Christopher Hitchens."

Weirsdo, funny. I support Weirsdo/O Ceallaigh for congress.

Oft, Dddragon. And just yesterday around these parts.

Anomie, or a single eye.

Ariel, what is the Magyar word for "ARRRRRGH?"

V.I. a rhyme is never a coincidence.

Brian, for the cast of the pirate sage, there's a link on each of Weirsdo's posts.

O Ceallaigh, I think it's possible if you sit and wonder less.

Kyahgirl said...

Dearest One Eyed Sam,
I'm gratified to finally be able to piece some history together about you. I'm sorry to say that I can never be on your team though. Two reasons: 1) I'm a dog and can't bring myself to worship cats.
2) I love to chew on bits of wood lying around and you'd be forever having to fashion new peg legs for yourself. ARRRGH!!

Mrs. Weirsdo; I think you are a woman of amazing talent and enjoy both Pansifiles and stand in awe of your novella.

Doug; another fun day at WA. Thanks for the history on you and Pansi. I would love to know who Pansi's other suitor was. Can we catch up on the story on his blog? I like to know everything I can about Pansi...she is my protegé in the perple buttux movement.
Oh my, that came all wrong.

Ariel the Thief said...

Doug, we say ARRRRRGH.

tsduff said...

I'm with Brian - wonderfully interesting guest today - but the cast of thousands confuses me.

Ariel the Thief said...

One-Eyed Sam may forgive me for greeting him this late, and I am greeting him from a respectful distance for the sake of my head may not be the prettiest ever seen but fits my neck just so perfectly. One-Eyed Sam, I wish you more luck with friends in the future, aaaarrgh...

Doug The Una said...

Kyah, I'm afraid it wouldn't be discrete to share and the other suitor wrote a very serious and, I believe, now defunct blog. I'm afraid Pansi broke what can never be made whole even with spiritual development unto the edge of levitation.

Ariel, see, English and Hungarian aren't so far apart.

Thanks, Terry. There are a couple distinct casts. I think if you get on board with the pirates, there are fewer to remember.

Ariel, I think you've found a new role for that word. Sucking up is a creative use.

mireille said...

I am a Dogtist! *preen* This means I escape the Captist baptism. heh. xoxo

Ariel the Thief said...

Doug, the secret is: doing the right thing on the right place. :-P

Anonymous said...

Brian & Tsduff: Thanks for the appreciation. Pansi and the cast of NG4J are an enclave of sheltered celebrities amidst the chaos of sectionalism and religious warfare.

O'Ceallaigh and Doug: Ha ha. Hemingway really erected a monument to himself with that novel.

Kyah: Thanks. I think you are right to stay away from Sam and crew, but they are mercenaries without any serious allegiance to the Captist cause.

Ariel: Thanks, on Sam's behalf.

Mireille: You do know that the Literal Captists now worship a miraculous cat litter apparition? You're missing that too.

mireille said...

Oh, you must mean the Shroud of TidyCats? I've heard of that. I'll just have to content myself with the Shrine of Eukanuba. xoxo

Kyahgirl said...

Thanks doug, I suspected you were going to say that. Don't give up on Pansi yet though. :-)

Logophile said...

Ariella and I established ourselves as Dogtist early on but we respect Captists and their faith. The decline in piracy here on earth has been linked to global warming you know, hope Sam and his kind continue to thrive.
I am a long time fan, though here lately an infrequent visitor, of the Pansi files.
Weirsdo is a genius!

Lila said...

Hey, who doesn't like a guest pirate! Ayyyy! Eat yer grub, maties!

Charlene Amsden said...

Doug, your post today kept me an hour after work as I kept clicking "continue" on the Novella. I made it to section 2, post 8 when it dawned on me that I could actually go home. My attention was pirated away by Mrs. Weirsdo.

The Violent Vixen said...

Sadly, I have no witty reparte to resond with. Even more sadly is that I am quite often referred to as a Pirate, so you would think I'd have something to say, wouldn't you?

I will say this though, Pirates have a bigger vocabulary than you give them credit for. They also know the sound Yarr!

Anonymous said...

Aaaargh. You're right there, matey!

Hobbes said...

Btw, that is an interesting and useful Scrabble fact, Actonbell.

Thanks, Logo, and Quilldancer, I genuflect to you as to all novella readers.

And Mireille, click here to behold the litteral Truth of the Miracle.

Sar said...

Aaaargh! Wish I'd made it here sooner today.

Cheers & great word play, Sam & Weirsdo.

admin said...

I always wondered what's behind those eye patches.

Miz BoheMia said...

Aaaaaaargh! Why oh why did I not make it to the party earlier! Aaaargh!

Once these kiddies of mine go to school, two weeks in the making, this bohemian vows to catch up on all things Weirsdo, novella and Pansi fo sho, FO SHO! I am fascinated and intrigued but as is frazzled and shall make the children walk the plank! Aaarrrrgh!

Gabs said...

doug...thanks for stopping by, and tell Sar thanks! stay cool, G.

Minka said...

First at 11.13!
Just going through my list, dude!

TLP said...

It's September eve man! Get on the program. I know you got the memo. Where's your August 31 post??????

Doug The Una said...

Mireille, can you imagine the dogtist baptism, though?

Kyah, Pansi and I have a date in heaven I'm very much looking forward to.

Logo, she has the papers to prove it. Don't expect the Captists to be as open.

Aral, Yo ho ho and a portion of peas! Arrrggghhh!

Quilldancer, from that perspective it was better to read while it was going up although I found myself strategizing like "If I stay away for a week there will be more to read."

Yarrrr, Solace!!! Here I thought you were half a dragon.

Yar!, One-eye!

Pansi, not even a hello?

Sar, you're counted.

An eyelid, your Holiness, to keep out the light.

Frazzled and fascinated is a tough combination, hermana.

Gabsmash, thank you, I'll try, but it's hard to stay cool when I just learned who Nick Lachey was yesterday.

Minka, there's nothing like a sense of accomplishment before noon, is there?

TLP, it's up! Shee.

Anonymous said...

Miz Bohemia: I will look forward to your funkiness.
Interesting pirate trivia: According to Toyplayer, who has made an indepth study, pirates hardly ever made anyone walk the plank. In fact I can't remember exactly, but there are not more than two documented instances of this, and maybe not even one. Pirates really liked to maroon people. If they were nice, they would leave a gun with one bullet for the person to commit suicide with when the thirst got really bad. . . .

Hobbes said...

MR. P-DOGGY!!!!! I do not here from you for a long time and THEN you ask some boddy ELSE to be you're lexicogramofone and its not even a normle person but a elitterat PIRATE who's groop has taken over MY blog!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have alot of NERVE!!!!!!

Ariel the Thief said...

uhuh... somebody is in trouble here...