Youth

YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.

Youth is the true Saturnian Reign, the Golden Age on earth again, when figs are grown on thistles, and pigs betailed with whistles and, wearing silken bristles, live ever in clover, and cows fly over, delivering milk at every door, and Justice never is heard to snore, and every assassin is made a ghost and, howling, is cast into Baltimost!
—Polydore Smith 

2009 Update: The apex of a life when all hardship lies behind, every error ahead and wisdom glistens like gemstones in every orifice.

Yoke

YOKE, n. An implement, madam, to whose Latin name, jugum, we owe one of the most illuminating words in our language — a word that defines the matrimonial situation with precision, point and poignancy. A thousand apologies for withholding it.

2009 Update: A litter for free enterprise.The free market's carriage.

Yankee

YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown. (See DAMYANK.)

2009 Update: A domestic alien.

Rabbit, rabbit

Two Rabbits

Once upon a time, there were two rabbits hoppity-hopping across a glade. "If I were quicker," the first one told the second one, "No predator would ever catch me."

"And if I had bigger teeth," answered the second one, "I would eat coyotes."

Moral: A wish is the second of half of a gift.

YEARN, v.i. To indulge the appetite for hunger.

Truth in The Vineyard

Episode 9 of The Meditations of Diogenes The Cynic. Thanks to this week's reader.


To hear the story, come to the vineyard.


This week, in The Prattler, "The Defense of Unmarriage Act."







To read the story, look over Diogenes' shoulder.

Special Delivery

Story #74, in which lists are made.

To hear the story, ask Santa for directions.












To read the story, tell Santa you "want some stupid story for Christmas."

Now, about Prattler. The same catastrophe that made today's story late means Prattler will have to be rebuilt from scratch. Anyone making a site on iWeb should email me for advice on how not to end up old, bitter and drunk like me. Prattler will be back but I don't know when.

Year

Year, n, A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

2006 Update: A standard for the measurement of time often used for planning and composed of 365 days, which unit is most commonly the material for alibis and itself composed of 24 hours the unit lavishly granted for quitting one's nation of origin.

Announcing a new way to "enjoy" Waking Ambrose: At the long-ago suggestion of Liz Strauss, and to celebrate one year of this site, the original content from this site is now available at:


As of now, Prattle includes a wordbook of the definitions and podcasts of the stories from this site as well as a brief biography of Ambrose Bierce.

I'll let all of you know if I decide to do anything more with that site which would be an indication that my warmth and charisma produce consistent results over time.

Yesterday

Yesterday, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

2006 Update: The dormitory to which we confine our sins until needed.