Omnipresent

OMNIPRESENT, adj. Ecerywhere at once. That the power of omnipresence, or ubiquity, is denied to mortals was known as early as the time of Sir Gotle Roche, who in a speech in Parliament said: "A man cannot be in two places at once unless he is a bird,

2010 Update: Unnoticed.

Tzetze (or Tsetse) Fly

TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect (Glossina morsitans) whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist (Mendax interminabilis).

2009 Update: A large fly native to sub-saharan Africa, principally known for spreading somnolence among vertebrates and alacrity among crossword puzzle solvers.

Wedding

WEDDING, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

2009 Update: A festival to celebrate two people agreeing to reject promiscuity for adultery.

November

NOVEMBER, n. The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.

2009 Update: The month in which young men's thoughts turn to spring, and to which old men's thoughts turn in April.

Vote

VOTE, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

2009 Update: The franchise by which citizens choose between prosecution and burglary.

Californians, do remember to cast your ballot today. There's almost $200 apiece at stake, so it's like working twice.

Kine

KINE, n. Cows.

If kine is the plural of cow,
And the plural of sow is swine,
Then pumpkins may hang from a vow,
And coronets rest upon brine.

2009 Update: Cattle, as they were called archaically when their skin was still suede.

Joss-Sticks

JOSS-STICKS, n. Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.

2009 Update: An religious olfactory decor, meant to make ritual sensible.

Uxoriousness

UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife.

2009 Update: Domestic surrender exported.

Yes, I had to look that up.

Feliz Cinqo de Mayo, amigos y amigas, extranjeros y conquistadores.

Youth

YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.

Youth is the true Saturnian Reign, the Golden Age on earth again, when figs are grown on thistles, and pigs betailed with whistles and, wearing silken bristles, live ever in clover, and cows fly over, delivering milk at every door, and Justice never is heard to snore, and every assassin is made a ghost and, howling, is cast into Baltimost!
—Polydore Smith 

2009 Update: The apex of a life when all hardship lies behind, every error ahead and wisdom glistens like gemstones in every orifice.

Quill

QUILL, n. An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly wielded by an ass. This use of the quill is now obsolete, but its modern equivalent, the steel pen, is wielded by the same everlasting Presence.

2009 Update: A source of levity in the wing of a bird, of gravity in the hand of a poet and of obesity in the caricature of a pol.

Zigzag

ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden. (From zed, z, and jag, an Icelandic word of unknown meaning.)

He zedjagged so uncomen wyde

Thet non coude pas on eyder syde;

So, to com saufly thruh, I been

Constreynet for to doodge betwene.

—Munwele

2008 Update: To make real progress, rhetorically.

X

X, in our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language. X is the sacred symbol of ten dollars, and in such words as Xmas, Xn, etc., stands for Christ, not, as is popular supposed, because it represents a cross, but because the corresponding letter in the Greek alphabet is the initial of his name -- Xristos. If it represented a cross it would stand for St. Andrew, who "testified" upon one of that shape. In the algebra of psychology x stands for Woman's mind. Words beginning with X are Grecian and will not be defined in this standard English dictionary.

2006 Update: A generation rich in material wealth yet poor in letters.