Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Year

Year, n, A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

2006 Update: A standard for the measurement of time often used for planning and composed of 365 days, which unit is most commonly the material for alibis and itself composed of 24 hours the unit lavishly granted for quitting one's nation of origin.

Announcing a new way to "enjoy" Waking Ambrose: At the long-ago suggestion of Liz Strauss, and to celebrate one year of this site, the original content from this site is now available at:
prattle_100a

As of now, Prattle includes a wordbook of the definitions and podcasts of the stories from this site as well as a brief biography of Ambrose Bierce.

I'll let all of you know if I decide to do anything more with that site which would be an indication that my warmth and charisma produce consistent results over time.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Acorn

Acorn, n. A small nut about which cluster the American patriot's hopes of a navy. It makes tyrrany tremble.

2006 Update: The symbol of hope for the hard and dense to one day be mighty. A squirrel's breakfast.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Fire and Ice, Part I

Story #33, in which we return to find Doug on his way up.

To hear the story, listen from the belfry.







To read the story, click the map.


This story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On and should be continued next week. There are also two new stories from the Weirsdo Family. Happy weekend, everyone.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Jury

Jury, n. A number of person appointed by a court to assist the attorneys in preventing law from degenerating into justice.

2006 Update: A panel of peers empowered to determine guilt and fate by the Nielsen Company.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Tedium

Tedium, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word have been affirmed, but so high an authority as Father Jape says that it comes from a very obvious source -- the first words of the ancient Latin hymn Te Deum Laudamus. In this apparently natural derivation there is something that saddens.

2006 Update: An excess of stimulation, intoxication, gratification, invigoration, appreciation, civilization, imitation, explanation, creation or love of nation. There is no standard for measuring the volume of tedium as the common unit, the instant (metric aeon,) expands with age, shrinks with time and multiplies in recitation.

Unrelated to today's word, please keep your eyes on this site to vote for Pia as the best writer of a lefty blog.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Special Guest Senior

This week I'm proud to have Steve Pascover, my very own father, as a guest.



The old feller defined Natural Selection this way:
I was given "natural selection" to define The theory of evolution arose from observation, and is best defined by example. Observe the development:

My daddy used to say, on the subject of cussing: "Stevie, just remember that profanity is the last refuge of the inarticulate - whatever the F*** that means" [I grew up in Missouri, where even fully grown men refer to their fathers as "daddy" and pay attention to what their father said. - Doug didn't grow up in Missouri]

My working definition is "use the words that make you understood."

My son Doug defined cussing as "to express with irrelevancies the most urgent compulsions of the heart"

So, the official definition is that an inheritable characteristic which produces differential survival is required, and the result, "Natural Selection" is the differential reproduction of genotypes [whatever the F*** that means]

More straightforwardly - "the good stuff that matters just keeps getting better" see, for example, the dynasty of PEZ.
About my old man: Dad was born in Missouri and reared there until my grandparents moved to Akron, Ohio where he became by all accounts unrearable. At least that's what Uncle Jimmy says. All I can say is I learned to growl at his paw and higher language from my mom.

Dad didn't talk much until he entered his fifties and hasn't kept quiet much since then. Like his father did, my dad has a deep rough voice he loves to tell stories in. I'm pretty sure this trait ends with him although I'm a little worried about my brother. Dad contributed a lot to my upbringing and what discipline there was by a lot of methods, but it was the lectures that had the most impact. These were usually long enough to break a rebellious spirit in a way that spankings never quite could.

Dad's knowledge inspired his children's curiousity and I certainly thank him, alongside Mama, for the fact that I have something to blog about. The main thing to know about my old man is that every Saturday and Sunday, he drives 60 miles to go hiking with me and the dogs and on Sunday makes an additional trip of greater length in a different direction to play with his grandchildren who dote on him back. Oh, and in the 70s he wore a huge Afro, pick and all.

At right, the old timer at Christmas, Elf portrayed by my step-sister, Laura (Enrique's daughter)

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Truthful

Truthful, adj. Dumb and illiterate.

2006 Update: Disloyal.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Jurisprudence

Jurisprudence, n. The kind of prudence that keeps one inside the law.

2006 Update: The system through which wrongdoers become convicts or judges.

Two Announcements: Indeterminacy has contributed a very good story to Doug Drones On.

The Editorial Board of Waking Ambrose has voted 2-1 to endorse Pia from Courting Destiny for the Koufax Award for best writing in a lefty blog. The dissenting voter thought our endorsement should be reserved to a writer who has contributed significantly to the literature of bones.
Thanks to Miz Bohemia for the head's up.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Autumn Leaves

Story #32, in which a little girl sees family.

To hear the story follow the trail.

















To read the story, come to the cottage.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Yesterday

Yesterday, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

2006 Update: The dormitory to which we confine our sins until needed.