Guardian

GUARDIAN, n. One who undertakes to protect from others what he is not ready to get for himself.

2006 Update: A traitor in training.

Grasshopper

GRASSHOPPER, n. An insect with legs like a couple of step-ladders. The Gryllus campestris of Linnaeus; the Yumyum chawfully of Sarah Winnemucca.

2006 Update: An apprentice stereotype.

Happy Birthday to my twin. May your next year be filled with the backsides of bunnies.

The Red Mask of Death

Story #68, in which a cocktail party goes amiss.

To hear the story, call the specter.












To read the story, comfort Edgar Allen Poe who's rolling in his grave about now but probably used to it.

This week in The Prattler, "Trick or Treat" which should be up by 11AM TLP Daylight Savings Time.

Deserve

DESERVE, n. The quality of beinig entitled to what someone else obtains.

2006 Update: v.t. To inherit by hard work and imagination.

Dullard

DULLARD, n. A member of the reigning dynasty in letters and life. The Dullards came in with Adam, and being both numerous and sturdy have overrun the habitable world. The secret of their power is their insensibility to blows; tickle them with a bludgeon and they laugh with a platitude. The Dullards came originally from Boeotia, whence they were driven by stress of starvation, their dullness having blighted the crops. For some centuries they infested Philistia, and many of them are called Philistines to this day. In the turbulent times of the Crusades they withdrew thence and gradually overspread all Europe, occupying most of the high places in politics, art, literature, science and theology. Since a detachment of Dullards came over with the Pilgrims in the Mayflower and made a favorable report of the country, their increase by birth, immigration, and conversion has been rapid and steady. According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians. The intellectual centre of the race is somewhere about Peoria, Illinois, but the New England Dullard is the most shockingly moral.

2006 Update: A well whetted wit, positioned and parodied.
2. A lexicographer by choice.

Special Guest Wednesday

This week, I'm pround to introduce Cheesemeister as my Wednesday guest. Cheesemeister was asked to define Batty.

BATTY, adj. The description of an individual who turns a blind eye to proper appearances and instead follows their inner guidance to those things from which they find true fulfillment.


About Cheesemeister: Cheesemeister may be the most prolific blogger of us all and needs your help, probably. As best I can tell, her principle blog, The Cheesemeister's Maelstrom of Distorted Bedlam reflects the dark and light of her sense of humor. A fan of death metal music and defender of Iron Maiden, but with diverse musical taste, Maelstrom is cleverly written in the form of a tabloid covering metal bands which I can only pray are fictitious. I'm pretty sure Death Cheese is mostly fictional. And then pray some more. I kind of hope The Lutefiskies are real and that I never hear them.

Another blog of hers, The Freakulosity of Dreams recounts the dreams and nightmares that inform her writing or distract it. This blog purports to be evil and to be prepared to take over the entire blogosphere. That's not a dream, it's real. Lock up your daughters. A third blog, The Nutty Gnostic describes Cheesemeister's take on belief, blended with adult language and amber alerts. A whole community of faith with a single author. That sounds familiar. A fourth blog, The Raven's Realm is a collection of Cheesemeister's poetry. At this point, I have to tip my hat. In all the prolific writing, Cheesemeister doesn't stick to heroic verse but writes sonnets and formal poetry as well.

Now mind you, we're still with the blogs she updates regulatly. Full Moon Rising is a fun site, in which Cheesemeister does comedy. There's a great meme (a sentence I never expected to write here. It was on this blog where Cheesemeister mourned the departure of our own dear friend Lammy. The Asteroid of Amoeboid Fungus is a site dedicated to Cheesemeister's creative writing, although there's plenty of that on her other sites.

Beyond these, there are 12 others. The nether regions of the netherworld world of Cheesemeister can be explored through her profile. I'd like to thank Cheesemeister for being a great guest here.

How to be a guest on this site: To be anointed, I will need your email address and permission. So, were you to send an email to dpascover at mac dot com and say in the subject line something like "OK, ok I'll do it," that would definitely work unless I thought it was spam and deleted it. On an upcoming Wednesday, after posting that week's guest I would then send you an email with a word not in The Devil's Dictionary which you could then spend the next three days writing a definition for and return to me with a graphic or two of your choosing. The only rules are no profanity, no novels and anything else I make up. If you've done this before, I may ask you again if you're around a lot. If you've done this before and not been heard from since, just let me know that you want to be a guest and then disappear again.

Delegation

DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

2006 Update: Babble by the bale.

Diamond

DIAMOND, n. A worthless stone, too soft to be given to a beggar in place of bread and too small to knock him down with.

2006 Update: The epitome of romance- as sharp as a grudge, clear as suspicion, hard as expectation and as durable as disappointment.

Ancient of Days

Story #67, the contemporary lesson of a history student.

To hear the story, receive the grace of the Ancient of Days.












To read the story, surrender to the daughters of Albion.

This week in The Prattler, "I Know! I Know!" in which Doug speaks for both parties on national security.

Friendship

FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

The sea was calm and the sky was blue;
Merrily, merrily sailed we two.
(High barometer maketh glad)
On the tipsy ship, with a dreadful shout,
The tempest descended and we fell out.
(Oh, the walking is nasty bad!)
- Arnit Huff Bettle

2006 Update: An alliance joined in enmity towards a former friend.

I fled in haste my lover's ire
With fingers broken and my cat on fire,
Into a bar where they might douse
The flames devouring my former house.
I met there a brother who understood
Innocence suffers at the hands of good.
He told me amity will last just fine,
As tinder for his girl and a spark for mine.
- The Right Reverend Charles Bartholomeo Limperbotham