Monday, December 19, 2005

Fraud

Fraud, n. The life of commerce, the soul of religion, the bait of courtship and the basis of political power.

2005 Update: The substitution of perfume on the neck for a head.

35 comments:

Minka said...

Fraud: something a bastard, charlatan, cheat, con man, impostor, phony and pretender deems the key to survival. And that leaves?...a few people that consider this a lack of integrity, but are incapable to counter act, ´cause the aforesaid brute is far more powerful.

Sar said...

Not taking anything away from your definition, Doug, but I think Bierce nailed this one.

Fraud: Someone who purports to be something they're not. In my case, a brunette with blonde highlights when in reality, I'm having a spa treatment to cover the gray today.

Tom & Icy said...

NOT Zockso!

Doug said...

Let's see, Monika. It seems like strangers are the only honest people.

Sar, my first reaction when I opened the book and read the definition was "I'm not even trying to top that." No offense taken. I don't see covering the gray as fraud as much as a treatment for motherhood. It's why prevention is so important.

Gee, Icy. Getting an indoor potty opens up all kinds of possibilities, doesn't it?

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

awww The Great Pretender.

My brain is being used for other things right now so let me go apply a dab of Aqua Di Gio just below the ears.........

karma said...

you cheat us into thinking we're something special, Doug Pascover, aka Dr. Sigmund Fraud? :P

Logophile said...

Wow, Ambrose nailed that one, didn't he?
So little left to be said.
So, um, good morning and have a nice day.

Manchego said...

His definition is poetic, really. I certainly can't top it.

mireille said...

Thank you, Tom. I'm not speaking to you, Doug. xoxo

mireille said...

Oh. Forgot. I'm not speaking to you starting Thursday. xoxo

Doug said...

Aqua di Gio? Is that a perfume.

Und Vy, Kahma, Vould you rely on your doktor for zat?

Yes, he did. Maybe good morning and have a nice day should have been my update. Good morning and have a nice day.

Hay, Manchego! A hello is always welcome.

Mireille, it's hard to be too frightened with your signature xoxo.

pia said...

Boy I have one field all to myself today, and you have to know where I'm taking this
fraud:a man who had the Supreme Court hand him his first election, and might have had Diebold hand him his second

Jamie Dawn said...

Fraud: How bloggers pull the wool over people's eyes. I've read some bloggers whose claims I find VERY suspect.

lula said...

Oh, Jamie! Would a blogger really do that? Woof!

Jamie Dawn said...

Doug: Your comment on my blog about poor kids misbehaving in order to get coal is the very reason I awarded you the Better Than Ambrose Bierce Gold Medal for Christmas.

Miz BoheMia said...

I am wowed by Monika's def! Makes me want to kick someone's a**! (I am being good Doug!)

Sar! I am covering my grays tomorrow! Darn those grays! (Still behavin' Doug!)

Pia... good too!

And Doug, you rock!

Man, I got nothing today! I am a total fraud here! *bohemian runs away, crying hysterically*

dddragon said...

Fraud: What I am when I don't correct people who think that I'm a saint just because I gave birth to twins.

Doug for saying he's an early-onset curmudgeon.

And yes, Monika nailed it.

Doug said...

Pia, everyone must have known you'd be coming through and what you'd be carrying.

Jamie Dawn, I did so invent the polio vaccine!

Lula, I gotta hand it to you. You showed for church.

Naw, J.D., that was unalloyed generosity as well as misplaced guilt for having liked one of Bierce's definition better, as I usually do. I bless you for both fine qualities.

Come back, Miz Bohemia. You're anything but a fraud. I can tell how real you are by the make-up.

GABRIEL C. ZOLMAN said...

Fraud, n. Misrepresentation and skullduggery beyond the allotted legal limit.

Ex. "No, Jenkins, you can't tell them that;homeowners are out of season until after April."

)+(

Goa'uld said...

Fraud, n. The antonym of a Goa’uld (‘cause everybody knows they’re true gods).

Doug said...

Gabriel, I like the caveat.

Hurray, Charlie's back! *bowing humbly*

Minka said...

Miz Bohemia and dddragon: Thank you! *she bows deeply and smiles*

A Little Bar of Soap said...

Doug, you are a fraud of a Christian if you don't blog about our Lord and Savior soon!

karma said...

dammit! i am such a haff-vit!

swulss: i am not lyying, my eyez, they swulss with tearz

AP3 said...

I'm having another brain-dead late night. Can't think of anything that hasn't already been done. I'm so lame.

Doug said...

One more bow, please, Monika.

Soapy, I've been quoting scripture all over the blogosphere and calling the filthy to the Lord.

Smile, Karma. Only the wise woman knows she knows nothing.

Boy, AP3, you and Manchego on the same day. Goat cheese OD?

GABRIEL C. ZOLMAN said...

Hey Doug--

My frightening promise (threat?) of holiday poetry has been fulfilled...

Oh, and does Miz Bohemia know they make helmets to protect you from the Grays now?

)+(

Anonymous said...

Something that never occurs, or if it does, no one knows anything about it afterward.
weirsdo

Belinda said...

Soapy--being highly influenced by the wise and good Doug, I did that for him tonight!

LeesahEm. said...

fraud-usually the result of the white collar getting too tight.
Ehhh, that's the best I could do...

actonbell said...

...the bait of courtship...heh. Wow, that's good. Lots of good definitions, here! Lots of people feel like frauds, but they're usually frauds at being frauds. The real frauds don't even know they're frauds.

Doug said...

Gabriel, I look forward to seeing a more warped perspective than mine. Cheers!

Weirsdo, it doesn't happen around here, I assure you.

Thanks, Belinda. Wise and good. I like the ring of that. I look forward to reading a post about Jesus that doesn't mention the ACLU.

That's pretty darn good, Masil!

I beg your pardon, Actonbell. What would you say if I told you "Doug Pascover" was an invention of Lula's.

actonbell said...

I don't get it. I'm not fraudulently thick!

Doug said...

No Actonbell, you're just noticing my fraud. If I rewrote it as perfume on a headless neck would that clarify? Yes, I'm naked.

Comfort Addict said...

(sung to the tune of the Maude TV show theme)

Abraham Lincoln saw a country sinkin',
He freed the slaves and the whole world looked,
Good old TR saw the trusts were stinkin',
Busted them up, yeah he really cooked,
FDR believed in just compassion,
Ain't you glad he showed up,
And when the races were coming to blows,
LBJ got 'em all sewed up,
And then there's Fraud,
And then there's Fraud,
And then there's Fraud,
And then there's - phony, twangy thief who trades on war and false belief, there's no relief from blight from Fraud.