LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers- particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives. Lead is also of great service as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is deposited in great quantities- some say by precipitation, but that is to confuse cause and effect, for the precipitation with which one set of patriots withdraws from the contact is caused by the other set's superior deposit of lead.
Hail holy Lead! of human feuds the greatAnd universal arbiter; endowedWith penetration to pierce any cloudFogging the field of controversial hate,And with a swift, inevitable, straight,Searching precision find the avowedBut vital point. Thy judgement, when allowedBy the chirurgeon, settles the debate.O useful metal- were it not for theeWe'd have each other by the ears alway:We, like old Muhlenberg, "care not to stay."And when the quick have run away like pulletsJack Satan smelts the dead to make new bullets.
2010 Update: A medically active element, except that when added to pipes causes debauchery and when added to fuel causes folly. When applied directly to the fool or rogue, however, lead smartens and tidies things up nicely. A cheaper, more portable replacement for the stone tablet in normalizing social relations and carrying the harmony to the frontier.
A couple other notes: I found this site pretty awfully clever, and it sort of reminds me of Amoeba's Dude and Dude.
Also, a good Good Friday to all you worshippers.