Tuesday, April 20, 2010


MAIDEN, n. A young person of the unfair sex addicted to clewless conduct and views that madden to crime. The genus has a wide geographical distribution, being found wherever sought and deplored wherever found. The maiden is not altogether unpleasing to the eye, nor (without her piano and her views) insupportable to the ear, though in respect to comeliness distinctly inferior to the rainbow, and, with regard to the part of her that is audible, bleating out of the field by the canary — which, also, is more portable.
A lovelorn maiden she sat and sang —
This quaint, sweet song sang she;
"It's O for a youth with a football bang
And a muscle fair to see!
The Captain he
Of a team to be!
On the gridiron he shall shine,
A monarch by right divine,
And never to roast on it — me!"
—Opoline Jones
2010 Update: A young woman who has chosen innocence for her virtue, no doubt in preference for the beguiling title it bestows.


actonbell said...

*sigh* I stopped by yesterday and had nothing to say...but today, it seems that I must point out that
Robert Kiprono Cheruiyot just set a new record on his maiden voyage in Boston!

Good morning:)

TLP said...

@ Acton: are you trying to say that if a person has nothing to say, that they just go away???? Evil spawn.

Maiden: it's been sooooooooo long, I forget. Although I'm very sure that I was never unfair to a man.

the amoeba said...


1. One who has in May what people pine for in October, TLP.

2. One associated with, and not infrequently the occasion for, the call "Mayday!".

Robert Graves explained the Greek Myths (and just about everything else in the universe including the Christian religion) in terms of the three stages of Woman: prefertile (maiden), fertile (nymph), and postfertile (crone). Nymph, however, has fallen out of fashion, mostly because the term is also used for the prefertile stages of certain insects, which not only confuses the progression but also can cause eligible ladies to be associated with objects that bug people. Thus, today's "maiden" is all grown up. More or less.

pia said...

innocence? Oh but most young maidens hide their worldliness to let you think....Oh wrong decade. Now young maidens show everything generally on the cover of magazines

Logophile said...

I was not aware that innocence or virtue were things most women credited with being beguiling,
or men for that matter.

sauerkraut said...

Pia - I suspect neither Britney nor Paris recall being maidens, nor were they when they showed their girlie bits on those covers.

After being forced to watch Jane Austen, my vision of a maiden comes with the fair visage of Kiera Knightly.

Karen said...

Aye me matey. Captain Jack Sparrow said a maiden is The Curse of the Black Pearl !!

And sauerkraut, you are without a doubt the worst pirate I've ever seen !!

Anonymous said...

MAIDEN, n - Voyage! Land Ho Captain!

Karen said...

Cap'n Slappy Co-Founder International Talk Like A Pirate Day said ...

I just finished wrasslin' with the rare Purple Nurple Octopus o' The West Indies and I think I've dislocated me man-nipples!

Tempest Nightingale LeTrope said...

Dahling! No matter what the calendar may say, Tempest is a maiden eternally in the blush of spring in her heart.

cooper said...

I always ask "what would Moll Flanders do", so unschooled in maidens I am.

Karen said...

sauerkraut, you're on deck. We've got a double-play on the this one. Bring the Pittsburgh Pirates with you.

Karen said...

CORRECTION: double-play on this one.

Ariel the Thief said...

LOL! You guys try so hard to find a defintion for us, it makes me feel all mysterious. :-P

Karen said...

Oh Ariel. Stop boring us all to tears with your stupid LOL. You're about as mysterious as my left foot.

Ariel the Thief said...

Karen, my little love-apple, I know you have a crush on me, but you must understand that my heart is taken.

Karen said...

*yawn* I'm about to call it a night here my extra-super cherry dumpling. Why don't we discuss this next Tuesday when I will gladly repay you for a hamburger eaten today.

Doug said...

Actonbell, I had no idea. Actually, I still don't. Maiden voyage of what?

TLP, I'm sure she didn't mean you. You'd have something to say about your own birth certificate.

Well done, Amoeba.

Right, Pia. If there are still maidens, they're pretty unrecognizable. Best I can do is figure their the short females in tight pants and makeup.

Logo, you had no idea? That's curious.

Sauerkraut, you should google more.

Karen, you're kind of the in-house expert, being from Florida and all. I hear there's a pirate museum in Clearwater or somewhere.

Ha ha, Thom. That's probably exactly the thought in a sailor's mind.

And a biographer.

I don't doubt it, Tempest. Most of your generation are.

Cooper, that's always good advice for a young lady about town. I always ask about Robinson Crusoe.

Ariel, the maiden is the world's most mysterious creature.

weirsdo said...

Not being a maiden, I leave this mainly to trouble Karen.