Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Advice to my nephew Jake on his 6th birthday

The first Earthling in space was named Ham,
A pioneer chimp raised on spam,
Though by man catapaulted-
Through heaven's vault vaulted-
His own weight won his way back to land.

You must study if you'd fly a plane,
And work hard if you'd drive a train
But an astral adventure,
Needs no indenture
Just a boy's bravery and monkey's brain.

This story, I tell you, is true
With a lesson that's in it for you:
If a chimpanzee can
Reach the stars from dry land,
Then you're suited to do the same, too.

CHIMPANZEE, n. A brute of the species Homo jacobensis.
Happy birthday, monkey boy.
Editor's note: this word has a previous entry on this site, which is a little ironic.


C.J.Duffy said...

As a fellow primate may I wish Monkey Boy all the best.

As a young chimp I used to read Dc and Marvel comics from sunrise to sunset. Do modern simians do the same I wonder?

oooh oooh oooh.

Doug said...

C.J., I think modern simians run around in Iron Man masks playing Uncanny X-Men on their game boys.

Steve said...

GranPa Steve says Happy Birthday Jacob. Don't listen to Duffy and Uncle Doug. Stick to Ranger Rick

Doug said...

Great advice, Dad. That's how I started.

NicoleB, Egypt said...

I am sure he will do great with those sound advices.
Great to have such an encouraging uncle ;)

TLP said...

Oh, is he cute!!! Too bad he doesn't have any toys though.

Happy Birthday to Jacob.

Got nothin' for the word.

the amoeba said...

Happy Birthday, nephew Jacob, and remember, it could be worse. Somebody could have hung the name Mickey, Michael, Peter, or Davy on you.

Ariel the Thief said...

The previous entry is more than little ironic. I now understand why you need nephews, Doug.

Happy Birthday, Jake! I was told Uncle Doug is going to buy the Disney's California Adventure Park for you, is that true?

Logophile said...

Ok, look at that pose.
I LOVE that child!
Here's hoping he had the best birthday EVAH.

The previous entry was cracking me up.

tsduff said...

Happy birthday Jake - you are startlingly similar to your Uncle Doug. I have a nephew Jake too. I think your brain is nothing like a monkey's though.

Chimpanzee - Favorite fodder for National Geographic documentaries.

Anonymous said...

Hau`oli La Hanau to Jake. I hope he has a great day :) Monkey see monkey don't do LOL :)

quilly said...

Now we have proof. Doug IS a monkey's uncle.

Happy Birthday, Monkey Boy! May you have many, many more.

Jenna said...

Happy Birthday, Jacob. We are all so looking forward to seeing you soon to celebrate another Monkey's big day.

Love you!
Aunt Jenna

Cooper said...

happy birthday Jake.
Two words for you

Shel Silverstein

Jim said...

Happy Birthday Jake!
Happy Birthday Jake!
Happy Birthday Jake!
Happy Birthday Jake!
Happy Birthday Jake!
Happy Birthday Jake!
Happy Birthday Jake!
Happy Birthday Jake!
Happy Birthday Jake!
Happy Birthday Jake!
Happy Birthday Jake!

That's all the better I can sing. I hope you like it, Jake, Happy Birthday!

Most modern astronauts have intelligence far superior to those monkeys who first flew.
All the paid ones have college degrees, most have advanced degrees.
The unpaid astronauts have loads of money. Not all of them have college degrees.
Former NASA Astronaut Owen K. Garriott's (Ph.D.) son, Richard Garriott who paid to ride on the Russian space craft up to the space station, does not have a degree. But he is super rich.
So Jake, stay in school! Or get super rich!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Jacob

chimpanzee...made ronald reagan
electable to office of president
...ironic lol

Anonymous said...

quite a collection
of posts
for prior entry

number to beat 51

SO POST ON FOLKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Karen said...

SO POST ON FOLKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

About what?

Blithering idiots and Psychopathic morons?

Anonymous said...

LOL !! I was just supposed to comment as anonymous bystander. Let me try again ...

Hey, Hey we're The Monkees?

actonbell said...

Happy birthday to the cutest primate! Definitely a future action hero--hope it was a blast.

Doug said...

Nicole, I only want what's best for the lad. Rigorous discipline and a rocket ship.

TLP, I agree. I think I just want him in space to make up for all he's been denied, like a third of everything.

Amoeba, I'm pretty sure he'd have to be at least 40 to get your reference to The Monkees and younger than six to appreciate it.

Ariel, it was supposed to be a surprise.

Thanks, Logo. Jake's one of those rare children as cute as he thinks.

Terry, I acknowledge the resemblance.

Thanks, Thom. Even better advice.

Proudly so, Quilly.

Thanks, 'Na. Southern California is looking forward to June.

Cooper, you'll be pleased, I think, to know that Uncle Doug gave him Where The Sidewalk Ends for his fifth birthday. This year I gave him The Phantom Tollbooth and for his seventh birthday, I already have purchased him an illustrated collection of Edgar Allan Poe.

Excellent advice, Jim. I think the odds favor super rich in comparison.

Bear, go man, go! In ought-six there were a lot of us here.

Karen, we work with what's to hand. More organic that way.

Bear, seems innocent enough.

Actonbell, I'm told there was kickball. On Sunday we went to Universal Studios theme park where we were all thrilled with The Simpsons ride.

Hobbes said...

A very belated happy birthday to Jacob.
When he is older he should hear the sad story of Laika, the real first Earthling in space.