Friday, March 16, 2007


TELEPHONE, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

2007 Update: The visible part of a global charism devoted to the principle that only the dead shall know peace. A planetary leash, dragging the living in contrary directions by the ears.


Anonymous said...

TELEPHONE, n. Formerly, a black handle with a bell. Later, a black handle with a Bell. Now, existence in miniature, with a SurroundSound musical experience (and that's just the ringtone), live high-resolution video, a supercomputer, every game ever invented - in fact, everything needed for Life on Earth except food, clothing and shelter. Which you can no longer afford after paying off the contract on one of these things.

I was first when I started this. I'm probably about seventeenth now.

Anonymous said...

Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant-
No! no! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone-
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I’ve got it right.)

Howe’er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk:
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee-
(I fear I’d better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)

i always loved that poem by Lauara Richards. i guess it's because it reminds me that loved ones are, but, an elephone call away. er...

(what is it with me and elephants this week? i wish i knew and/or could remember)

The Boy from S.A.C.A.D.A. said...

Hi Uncel Doug! its a fun word i can bild a reel tellaphone with two tin cans and a wire. also we got a party line at our house but they wont let me stay up to see the party.

Anonymous said...

Telephone: Medium through which Mr. Watson first learned that Alexander Graham Bell wanted him.

Great update today, Doug -- and by Amoeba, too, and a very funny poem from Puppy, and the Boy's in rare form this morning... Must be Friday.

Anonymous said...

telephone currently, the voice of my love

The Old Mule said...

Telephone: phone home.

Does an imperative count? It *is* Friday (in Iceland, even).

Minka said...

Too true, old Mule. It is Friday here too and we are usually way ahead of you guys :) antique mobile

One of my favourite pieces of furniture in my room is an old telphone bench. Love it...It is nothign to do with today´s word, but if snuppy can involve elephants in this...I can call a bench!

Happy Friday you lot!

Indeterminacy said...

We still have antique telephones in Germany.

Just kidding. It's better than it was in the 90's.

Elbot said...

Telephone: modern fashion accessory.

Mr. Pascover. Beeps to you. Cover more technical words.

Doug The Una said...

Good definition, Amoeba. And you're right, it provides all the needed distraction to starve and freeze to death without quiet.

Neva, I adore that poem. Ms. Richards should write Waking Ogden.

Hello, nephew! Every little boy ought to be allowed to stay up for the line.

Heavens to Murgatroyd, Al, it sure is.

Quilly, that's kind of sweet. I think I'll go be dour on your blog next.

Mule, an imperative is the last thing anyone needs on Friday. E.T. relax! Oh, ok.

"An antique mobile," Minka! *clap* And a lovely anecdote about your bench. Is that what you're sailing?

Indie, when you talk about telephones in Germany, my first thought is the bright pink T-Mobil public phones everywhere. It's enough to make a guy want to invade France. My programmer, Ambrose wasn't familiar with the great potential of electronics, sadly.

Anonymous said...

Telephone the thing that rings when you're sick and sleeping. The thing that doesn't ring when you're well and awake.

Unknown said...


puppy: loved that!

Kyahgirl said...

telephone...a blessing and a bane.

hey, my daughter saw a rotary phone recently on tv and was utterly amazed. she turned to me and said "is that a PHONE?" I had to chuckle but geez, it made me feel REALLY old!

~Mo'a~ said...

Telephone: Did anyone mention the evil seed...The Cell Phone

Anonymous said...

Kyah, there's still a working rotary phone in my parent's basement.

Kyahgirl said...

Jenna, do you ever dial it? isn't it amazing how long it takes the dial to go around?

Sar said...

One ringy dingy....

Sar said...

...can you hear me now?

Anonymous said...

Useful little things they are.

I like your definition, can't do better.

I don't like phones all that much but they are useful in case of emergency.

Doug The Una said...

Jenna, you should get one of those new ones that dial out.

Karma, it's for you.

Kyah, that story had me putting my hand to my thinning hair. The blessing part is you can use them as hammers?

Mo'a, the seed is worse than the weed, it's true.

Jenna, do the werewolves use it?

Kyah, it's true. They were a thing of the past by the time I was old enough to date but might have saved me a lot of embarrassment. Come to think f it, I need a rotary cellphone.

Sar, you sure make the transition from commando to kindergartner look easy.

mireille said...

I love this update definition, only the dead shall know peace and hate talking on the phone. It is the devil's instrument ... and so hard to untangle oneself from, even the cordless ones. xoxoxo

Jamie Dawn said...

I LOVE the poem Puppybrose quoted.

Telephone: How I stay connected to my parents, brother, and bestest friend in the whole wide universe.

The cell phone explosion amazes and amuses me.
How did I EVER manage to get through high school and college without one???

Alexander Graham Bell could NEVER have imagined this.

You did a good job on the JD Quiz. :)

Hobbes said...

My grandfather, Alexander's cousin, was of your mind, Doug. He was the one who said, on trying out the invention, "If I want to speak to someone in the next room, I'll open the door and shout."

Hobbes said...

Sorry; that was great-grandfather.

Doug The Una said...

Mireille, I miss the ones with cords. If you couldn't end the conversation, you could always hang yourself.

Actonbell, I envy you that. I have three. Long story, but I have to carry them. I checked and having my skin shaved off and salt put on wasn't an alternative.

Thanks, JD. I hang on your almost every word.

Weirsdo, I remember that story now. I think your great grandfather and I could have been great friends with nary a word spoken between us.

Miz BoheMia said...

Telephone... easier to use than the blogosphere of late! Oy!