Tuesday, September 11, 2007


DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.

Hearst kept a diary wherein were writ
All that he had of wisdom and of wit.
So the Recording Angel, when Hearst died,
Erased all entries of his own and cried:
"I'll judge you by your diary." Said Hearst:
"Thank you; 'twill show you I am Saint the First" —
Straightway producing, jubilant and proud,
That record from a pocket in his shroud.
The Angel slowly turned the pages o'er,
Each stupid line of which he knew before,
Glooming and gleaming as by turns he hit
On Shallow sentiment and stolen wit;
Then gravely closed the book and gave it back.
"My friend, you've wandered from your proper track:
You'd never be content this side the tomb —
For big ideas Heaven has little room,
And Hell's no latitude for making mirth,"
He said, and kicked the fellow back to earth.
—"The Mad Philosopher"

2007 Update:   A book in which the stories are true and the author invented.


Minka said...

Nice update, Pascover!

diary,n. a document of self improtance keeping a record of wrong ways traveled

TLP said...

Nice update.

Diary: a very dangerous object. Think twice. Write once.

TLP said...

But wait! Is Ambrose telling me that if I had just kept a diary, I could live forever?

Anonymous said...

diary: unfortunately done online leaving traces on search engines and mistakes are there to haunt you foreve

Anonymous said...

Diary: confession and/or evidence. [see also: hindsight armed with teeth]

have to say Bierce's poem was pretty damn awesome. also have to say your update was, too. ; )

Mutha said...

Does anyone remember when Marcia lost her diary on the Brady Bunch? Ten pointsd to anyone who knows which celebrity Marcia wanted to be married to as was revealed in the diary after it was (WHAT!!??) sent to the rummage sale by mistake.

Unknown said...

the only book in which the author has no idea of the end

inqudd: inky squid

Sar said...

"Diary: a very dangerous object. Think twice. Write once."


Sar said...

Diary: Doug Drones On, before the Diogenes era.

Kyahgirl said...

Love your update!

Diary=blog for some.....those seem to be the ones that always end up blown away after awhile.

Anonymous said...

If a diary is an account of someone's life, then is a livery an account of someone's ...

... caffeine. must have caffeine ...


Jamie Dawn said...

Thanks to you and Quilly for reminding me of the movie: Lethal Weapon 2.

Diary: Temporary secret keeper.

The problem is that those secrets will most likely be read by someone, usually a brother.
Diaries are like those "private" naked pics people take. They aren't gonna stay private forever.
Anna Nicole Smith kept a diary. I've see excerpts of it on TV, which proves my point.

Ariel the Thief said...

diary, recording of things in the way they should have happened.

Ariel the Thief said...

diary, mirror for the mind.

Anonymous said...

diary n. first person revisionist history

Anonymous said...

Diary, an excellent blackmail tool

Ariel the Thief said...

Almond and laser results in the best nuts in California. I can harldy wait for Christmas.

Doug The Una said...

Minka, your definition makes me think of Captain Kirk for some reason.

TLP, it's not too late to start.

Pia, keeping a diary online is like walking naked into church. The best you can hope for is no one noticed. The worst, too.

Neva, I miss my teeth.

Mutha, Davey Jones from The Monkees?

Karma, the only book where the reader knows the end.

Sar, kinda, yeah.

Kyah, not everyone learns to write but everyone finally learns shame.

Diet, Amoeba?

Jamie Dawn, I forgot to get Jason's number. Is he in the book?

Ariel, put those definitions together and you have a rose-colored mirror. I think that's about right.

Quilly, it has to start somewhere.

Cindra, can I look forward to Quilly's post on that? I expect she'll be the victim and Brooke the perpetrator but you ain't free yet.

Ariel, whaaaaa?

Lila said...

Very nice post, yes. I actually had a diary in the 4th grade, and I ACTUALLY used to start with "Dear Diary,". Geez.

Nessa said...

Dairy: The place where cows live.

Huh? What's that? Oh. Sorry. The dyslexia reared its ugly head. I was wondering what everyone else was talking about.

TLP said...

LOL Goldennib. I don't know if I'm laughing with you, or if you're laughing at me, but I really can mix up words like dairy and diary.

Mutha said...

Doug: It was actually Desi Arnez Jr.!!

Doug The Una said...

Aral, you were so very nearly a perfect little princess, weren't you? Tragic.

Nessa, I very nearly made the same mistake copying it over. Good thing I read the definition.

TLP, no wonder you're so discrete. Youwrote your most secret thoughts on an udder! I bet the farmer laughed at you, didn't he? You poor thing.

Mutha, you know I actually feel a little better that I got that wrong.

Anonymous said...

so what you're saying is: Nessa's comment was udderly hilarious? (it was... it really was. TLP's, too!) ; )

Diary: the original MySpace.

(yeah yeah, i know... just be glad i didn't opt for a really bad Anne Frank joke here.)

TLP said...

No, no, no Doug! I make chocolate shakes out of journals! *sigh* Communication is such a fragile thing.

Anonymous said...

Cecily: You see, it is simply a very young girl's record of her own thoughts and impressions, and consequently meant for publication. . . .

Cooper said...

No really it's not the original My Space it's the original Live Journal and most of those too, were kept locked. The peeks inside were truly frightening though and sadly not made up.

I never kept a locked diary just a journal so I guess Doug's definition was right...who knows the truth? Certainly not the diarist.

Unknown said...

Diary: Wherein one uses the truth to lie to themselves

Doug The Una said...

Neva, I so am.

TLP, thankfully, I speak goof fluently.

Oscar, that's why it's so important to be Earnest.

Anyone but the diarist, Cooper. And the blogger.

Nice, Wombat! That's probably why we fool ourselves better than anyone can fool us.