Bologna-Sausage

BOLOGNA-SAUSAGE, n. A dead dog that is better than a living lion, but not to eat.

2010 Update: A mixed meat crafted according to regulation rather than recipe.

Bastinado

BASTINADO, n. The act of walking on wood without exertion.

2010 Update: A form of discipline involving the caning or whacking of the sole for the protection and preservation of the caner or whacker's soul. The method is currently in retreat in favor of isolation and Game Boy (TM).

Advice to my nephew Jake on his 6th birthday

The first Earthling in space was named Ham,

A pioneer chimp raised on spam,

Though by man catapaulted-

Through heaven's vault vaulted-

His own weight won his way back to land.

You must study if you'd fly a plane,

And work hard if you'd drive a train

But an astral adventure,

Needs no indenture

Just a boy's bravery and monkey's brain.

This story, I tell you, is true

With a lesson that's in it for you:

If a chimpanzee can

Reach the stars from dry land,

Then you're suited to do the same, too.

CHIMPANZEE, n. A brute of the species Homo jacobensis.

Happy birthday, monkey boy.

Editor's note: this word has a previous entry on this site, which is a little ironic.

Berenice's Hair

BERENICE'S HAIR, n. A constellation (Coma Berenices) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband.

Her locks an ancient lady gave
Her loving husband's life to save;
And men — they honored so the dame —
Upon some stars bestowed her name.

But to our modern married fair,
Who'd give their lords to save their hair,
No stellar recognition's given.
There are not stars enough in heaven.
—G.J.

2010 Update: A purloined wig for the goddess of beauty.

Barrack

BARRACK, n. A house in which soldiers enjoy a portion of that of which it is their business to deprive others.

2010 Update: An armory building set aside for the maintenance of targets.

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Achtundsechzig

To hear this week's episode, listen to the doctor.

Or, you can read this week's episode by clicking on the thingamabob at left.

The story so far is here.

Happy birthday today to Quilly

és boldog születésnapot to Ariel (tomorrow.)

Male

MALE, n. A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex. The male of the human race is commonly known (to the female) as Mere Man. The genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

2010 Update: An adjunct animal generated to simplify procreation and all creation. The spore before the television.

Monsignor

MONSIGNOR, n. A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.

2010 Update: A lesser Lord, more often heard from.

To popcorn

Gold in innocence, plump mature,

Salty and greasy, even when pure,

Thy puff'd grain insubstantial-

Thy bursting, a glory financial,

Industry follows thee into the dirt

And back up and out of the field

For it's thy explosive inertia,

That grants all our endeavors a yield.

HEDGEFUND, n. An investment in privacy offering impressive if unredeemable returns.

Maiden

MAIDEN, n. A young person of the unfair sex addicted to clewless conduct and views that madden to crime. The genus has a wide geographical distribution, being found wherever sought and deplored wherever found. The maiden is not altogether unpleasing to the eye, nor (without her piano and her views) insupportable to the ear, though in respect to comeliness distinctly inferior to the rainbow, and, with regard to the part of her that is audible, bleating out of the field by the canary — which, also, is more portable.

A lovelorn maiden she sat and sang —

This quaint, sweet song sang she;
"It's O for a youth with a football bang
And a muscle fair to see!
The Captain he
Of a team to be!
On the gridiron he shall shine,
A monarch by right divine,
And never to roast on it — me!"
—Opoline Jones

2010 Update: A young woman who has chosen innocence for her virtue, no doubt in preference for the beguiling title it bestows.

Misfortune

MISFORTUNE, n. The kind of fortune that never misses.

2010 Update: Serendipity over the fence.

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Siebenundsechzig

To hear this week's episode, click on the wolfpack.

Or, you can read this week's episode by clicking in the forest.

The story so far is here.

Incumbent

INCUMBENT, n. A person of the liveliest interest to the outcumbents.

2010 Update: The ablest, best-qualified person in office.

Injury

INJURY, n. An offense next in degree of enormity to a slight.

2010 Update: The irritant around which forms the pearl of polity. The birth of a nation.

Trivia

Three rivers crossed in ancient Rome

(And cross now here today,)

One was fraught with rock and foam,

rapids, whorls and fray.

Carrying naught but twigs and planks

Men died of thirst along its banks.

The second stream ran slow and wide,

And a turtle's toe in depth.

Though commerce came in at high tide

The merchants never left.

Fishing from the delta flourished,

Though only worms were ever nourished.

The third course, though, was navigated,

Cargo carried from peak to plain.

The captains who sailed her proudly stated

"The stars we follow blind remain."

The river ran deep underground

And fed the others without sound.

The streams that ferry mighty forces

And feed the cascades of invention

Wash borders back out from their sources

And carry forth intention.

But once the water's flow reverses,

New rivers carry different curses.

DISCURSIVE, adj. Following a circular flow.

Impale

IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound. This, however, is inaccurate; to impale is, properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position. This was a common mode of punishment among many of the nations of antiquity, and is still in high favor in China and other parts of Asia. Down to the beginning of the fifteenth century it was widely employed in "churching" heretics and schismatics. Wolecraft calls it the "stoole of repentynge," and among the common people it was jocularly known as "riding the one legged horse." Ludwig Salzmann informs us that in Thibet impalement is considered the most appropriate punishment for crimes against religion; and although in China it is sometimes awarded for secular offences, it is most frequently adjudged in cases of sacrilege. To the person in actual experience of impalement it must be a matter of minor importance by what kind of civil or religious dissent he was made acquainted with its discomforts; but doubtless he would feel a certain satisfaction if able to contemplate himself in the character of a weather-cock on the spire of the True Church.

2010 Update: To liaise subcutaneously.

Note: I'm not sure how this week got to be hallowe'en but there you are.

Immolation

IMMOLATION, n. Killing, as a sacrificial act.

The butcher knocks his victim on the head-
That's slaughter, for 'tis man who's to be fed;
The priest downs his, before the gods to set it,
That's immolation- pray do not forget it.
If I have made the difference distinct
My fingers to some purpose I have inked;
But then i stop- you'll have to ask the priest
Why gods who love the meat can't kill the beast.
Perhaps he'll give your question recognition,
Perhaps condemn your spirit to perdition.

2010 Update: The assurance of a martyr's rememberance by destruction of the souvenirs.

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Sechsundsechzig

To hear this week's episode, click on the view of Marburg's Lutheran Church.

Or, you can read this week's episode by clicking on the night view.

The story so far is here.

Abba

ABBA, n. A father who has made a vow not to be a husband.

2010 Update: An affectionate term of reverence for a hermit.

Abacot

ABACOT, n. A cap of state wrought into the shape of two crowns, formerly worn by kings. Very pretty monarchs had it made in the shape of three crowns.

2010 Update*: A breed of duck well fitted for a dictionary-maker's hat.

*of course, I had to look it up. See here and here.

Hope in the marshes

Every sail that once drew force

And every till directed,

Pulled a traveler from his course

And led somewhere unexpected.

And every chart, once drawn, was cursed

And every cargo weeviled,

And every merchant, last to first,

Has seen his commerce eviled.

Tossed at sea in tear and terror,

What I've come to realize is:

It's tragedy and not mere error

When Charon's boat capsizes.

-Lord Nelson

PROGRAM, n. A partial plan for future disappointments.

Army

ARMY, n. A class of non-producers who defend the nation by devouring everything likely to tempt an enemy to invade.

2010 Update: A collective of armed representatives commissioned to repel foreign powers at home and decimate them abroad. A "host".

Abroad

ABROAD, adj. At war with savages and idiots. To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad is to make others miserable.

2010 Update: Obtuse with an excuse.

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Fünfundsechzig

To hear my sister narrate the events of May 1524-1527, jump into the ring of fire with the priest or farmer or whoever.

Or, you can read this week's episode on a hill over the battle of Frankenhausen.

The story so far is here.

For more images from the cyclorama commemorating the battle, see here.

Happy Easter!

Lead

LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers- particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives. Lead is also of great service as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is deposited in great quantities- some say by precipitation, but that is to confuse cause and effect, for the precipitation with which one set of patriots withdraws from the contact is caused by the other set's superior deposit of lead.

Hail holy Lead! of human feuds the great

And universal arbiter; endowed

With penetration to pierce any cloud

Fogging the field of controversial hate,

And with a swift, inevitable, straight,

Searching precision find the avowed

But vital point. Thy judgement, when allowed

By the chirurgeon, settles the debate.

O useful metal- were it not for thee

We'd have each other by the ears alway:

We, like old Muhlenberg, "care not to stay."

And when the quick have run away like pullets

Jack Satan smelts the dead to make new bullets.

2010 Update: A medically active element, except that when added to pipes causes debauchery and when added to fuel causes folly. When applied directly to the fool or rogue, however, lead smartens and tidies things up nicely. A cheaper, more portable replacement for the stone tablet in normalizing social relations and carrying the harmony to the frontier.

A couple other notes: I found this site pretty awfully clever, and it sort of reminds me of Amoeba's Dude and Dude.

Also, a good Good Friday to all you worshippers.

Latitudinarian

LATITUDINARIAN, n. In theology, a miscreant who does his thinking at home instead of putting it out. He is regarded by the priesthood and the clergy with the same aversion that barber feels for the man who shaves himself.

2010 Update: A follower of the doctrine that such matters as church membership, leadership and doctrine are less consequential than to be an Episcopalian of prominent standing.