Slang

SLANG, n. The grunt of the human hog (Pignoramus intolerabilis) with an audible memory. The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.

2006 Update: Language disapproved of in archaic speech and clucks.

Today on Doug Drones On, a story in verse contributed by a new friend, the Old Mule.

Still Life with Apples

#60, in which a slow fella chases a fast girl.

To hear the story, tap the amphora









To read the story, catch the bird.

This week in The Prattler, a "Green Piece."

Nonsense

NONSENSE, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.

2006 Update: The first draft of a speech or the second of prophesy.

Rabbit, Rabbit!

And a special Rabbit, Rabbit to the birthday Bobo

Epidemic

EPIDEMIC, n. A disease having a sociable turn and few prejudices.

2006 Update: The glory of the virus, bacterium and epidemiologist.

Special Guest Pirate

Aaaaaaargh! Piratical ejaculation of indeterminate spelling denoting everything from frustration to grim satisfaction. One-Eyed Sam supplies examples for our edification:

1. (Frustration): Aaaargh! Another voyage with Brown Beard!

2. (Reflection): Aaaargh . . . what I'd do to that lubberly son of a sea cook if I was cap'n!

3. (Fright): Aaaaargh! 'Tis the ghostly crew of The Venus what I sank last Tuesday, beckoning to me across the water!

4. (Excitement): This map says there be treasure under the dead oak on Skeleton Point. Aaaargh!

5. (Grim satisfaction): Brown Beard's fallen over a cliff you say? Aaargh, it was a long time coming.

About our guest lexicographer: One-Eyed Sam is a denizen of Stuffed Animal Planet, where he was born to a poor wood cutter and his wife in the wilds of Ork. At the age of five, Sam ran away to sea, where he demonstrated an early aptitude for looting and pillaging that helped him rise rapidly through the pirate ranks. During the ascendancy of the Captists (a cat-worshipping religious sect), One-Eyed Sam's crew fought against the UnCaptist insurgency, but were vanquished at Dogoba, Ork's capital city, by the Dead Pirates, the Red-Caped Crusader, and the ineptitude of Brown Beard. Since then they have gone into business for themselves and cruise the seas between Bathtubbia and Ork, occasionally going up river to attack large cities. Recently, they have been campaigning for planetary peace because they believe it will give them better opportunities for robbery and murder. They are also starring as themselves in Toyplayer's drama, "The Pirate Election," over on "The Pansi Files."
Sam's bitterness against Brown Beard stems from the loss of his eye and his leg, both casualties of Brown Beard's clumsiness, and from resentment on behalf of his mates, who have almost all suffered similar maiming at Brown Beard's hands.

Mrs. Weirsdo, Sam's editor and amanuensis, is to be commended for her bravery, as One-Eyed Sam is extremely touchy about how he is represented to the public, and Mrs. Weirsdo could have gotten her head sliced off for even approaching him. She wishes to express her gratitude to Sam for his forbearance during his lexicographical debut.

A note from the previous editor: Weirsdo went fourth wall writing the "About" section too and I appreciate the humor, especially in a hectic week, so I'll let it stand but for this story:

In the dark days of Waking Ambrose, there were two frequent readers, Weirsdo through her character, Pansi, and Pia. In those days it came to pass that on Weirsdo's blog, The Pansi Files a sidestory developed in which I was desperately and, for a long time, unsuccessfully trying to woo Pansi. Another blogger frequently commenting on Weirsdo's site and unaware that Pansi was, in fact, the painted and bangled barbie doll in her avatar decided to vie with me for Pansi's affections and the competition grew quite fierce. Soon, my rival, a genuine intellectual, asked Weirsdo, a certified one, to write a guest post on philosophy on his blog and for my own amusement I left a comment beneath his asking Pansi to write a guest post on mine. It was a lot of fun and the Wednesday guest post became a regular feature.

Since then, Weirsdo appeared in this story here and, much more impressively, published a novella which I enjoyed reading, in serial form, as much as any book I read last year and have enjoyed even more reading straight through. I recommend it highly.

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

I will be contacting previous guests who regularly comment here to repeat in no particular order. Previous guests who haven't been much heard from since their guest post should recontact if they would like to repeat.

Admirability

ADMIRABILITY, n. My kind of nobility, as distinguished from your kind of ability.

2006 Update: Restraint in a traffic jam, quickness in a rush or madness in a riot.

The happiest of birthdays to the magnificent, magniloquent, artistic, pluralistic, heuristic, gracious, gifted, good-humored, hectic, lovely, lucky, lavish and plucky, comical, cat-loving, fearsome never fulsome Michael Jackson!

Deny

DENY, v.t. See HURL BACK THE ALLEGATION.

2006 Update: To confirm.

The Village Idiot

#59, duh.

To hear the poem, jingle the bells.











To read the rhyme, click the sign.

This week in The Prattler, "Plan F"

Hammer

HAMMER, n. An instrument for smashing the human thumb- a malleus as the Latin hath it. One of the old Frankish kings was called Charles Martel, or Charles the Hammer, because he was a beat.

2006 Update: A blunt instrument unless compared to a statistic.

I have no further message this morning but have developed a bad habit

Nominee

NOMINEE, n. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

2006 Update: A biography seeking flesh, a photo gaining breath and a promise in pursuit of oblivion.

While Shayna is saving whales, seeking a cure for breast cancer, giving voice to the disabled, preventing terrorism, remembering our soldiers, accompanying the lonesome and feeding the hungry, Goa'uld is trying to change the world. Go help Goa'uld save a tv show.