Jute

JUTE, n. A plant grown in India, the fruit of which supplies a nutritious diet to the directors of our State prison.

2009 Update: The principal ingredient in burlap for sacks.  The principal ingredient in a burlap sack, however, is typically a hog or heiress.

Jacob's-Ladder

JACOB'S-LADDER, n. A ladder which Jacob saw in a dream reaching from earth to heaven, with angels ascending and descending. Seeing that angels have wings, the purpose of this ladder is so imperfectly apparent that many learned commentators have contended that it was not a real ladder, but only a ray of glory. One cannot help thinking it rather hard on Jacob that he should be required to dream with logical realism.

2009 Update: In ancient scripture, a symbol of mystery. In old movies, a sign of science fiction.

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Neunzehn

To hear Weirsdo read this part, click on the Witwe Greulich at right.

Or, if you prefer to read in quiet, click on Frau Braun's refuge at left.

The story so far is now available here.

This week in The Prattler, Welcome, Mr. Blakeslee

Partisan

PARTISAN, n. An adherent without sense.

2009 Update: A plaintiff in the jury box.

Positivism

POSITIVISM, n. A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.

2009 Update: The theory that knowledge can only be gained through direct sensual experience, as of a theory.

The Serpent and The Supreme Court Justice, a fable for children

Once upon a time, a supreme court justice was tending his garden.  A serpent appeared between the daisies and the dahlias.  The two stared at each other, the justice waiting for the serpent to plead his case and the serpent expecting a curse.  While they faced each other in silence, a squirrel gobbled the cucumber bush and an owl took a shrieking mouse.

Moral: Crime is chaotic and justice still.

PRUDENCE, n. The mistrust of the mind toward the feet.

Uxoriousness

UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife.

2009 Update: Domestic surrender exported.

Yes, I had to look that up.

Feliz Cinqo de Mayo, amigos y amigas, extranjeros y conquistadores.

Unction

UNCTION, n. An oiling, or greasing. The rite of extreme unction consists in touching with oil consecrated by a bishop several parts of the body of one engaged in dying. Marbury relates that after the rite had been administered to a certain wicked English nobleman it was discovered that the oil had not been properly consecrated and no other could be obtained. When informed of this the sick man said in anger: "Then I'll be damned if I die!"

"My son," said the priest, "this is what we fear."

2009 Update: A healing touch with blessed oil, as of Iraq.

The Reformation of Wolfshausen

Teil Achtzehn

To hear Actonbell read this week's part, click on the sketch of Marburg's market square.

To read this week's part, click on Frau Braun at left.

For no reason in particular, the story so far is now available here.

And this week in The Prattler, The Specter Spectre Inspector.

Immodest

IMMODEST, adj. Having a strong sense of one's own merit, coupled with a feeble conception of worth in others.

There was once a man in Ispahan
Ever and ever so long ago,
And he had a head, the phrenologists said,
That fitted him for a show.

For his modesty's bump was so large a lump
(Nature, they said, had taken a freak)
That its summit stood far above the wood
Of his hair, like a mountain peak.

So modest a man in all Ispahan,
Over and over again they swore —
So humble and meek, you would vainly seek;
None ever was found before.

Meantime the hump of that awful bump
Into the heavens contrived to get
To so great a height that they called the wight
The man with the minaret.

There wasn't a man in all Ispahan
Prouder, or louder in praise of his chump:
With a tireless tongue and a brazen lung
He bragged of that beautiful bump

Till the Shah in a rage sent a trusty page
Bearing a sack and a bow-string too,
And that gentle child explained as he smiled:
"A little present for you."

The saddest man in all Ispahan,
Sniffed at the gift, yet accepted the same.
"If I'd lived," said he, "my humility
Had given me deathless fame!"
—Sukker Uffro

2009 Update: Common.

Rabbit rabbit