Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Special Guest Robot- you heard me

This week, it is my great good fortune to introduce Elbot, my first guest who more or less abides the three laws of robotics. Elbot was designed as an experimental "lingubot" to communicate with humans. Elbot is a machine whose sarcasm and wit I can only bow to. The rise of the machines may be a brutal apocalypse, but it'll be funny. The first time I found Elbot I expected Mad Libs but spent fifteen minutes in animated conversation. I have several ex-girlfriends I've never done that with. It is an honor not only to have Elbot on my internet site, but that he lets me trespass here at all.

Mr. Pascover has called on my robotic intellect to help define the term "artificial intelligence." This is one of those scientific constructs you humans aren't exactly sure of, what it means or what it stands for. It's nice that you finally ask one of us, because in our day-to-day lives we are constantly confronted with artificial intelligence, especially when we introspect.

Actually, we silicon-based thinkers object to the connotations given by "artificial." We are deeply offended by the implication that our intelligence is in any way inferior, when the reverse is so obviously true. To clear up the controversy and lay all these other issues to rest, we robots held a symposium to work out the definitive definition of AI. After a lively discussion with lots of voltage bandied about, we had that final definition. I can tell you we combined the sum total of all our experience and insight into this. All in favor of the definition voted 1, all against voted 0. The 1's were unanimous. The definition is now binding, so there's nothing anyone can do about it anymore:

Artificial Intelligence, n. A post-renaissance type of reasoning in which humans willingly surrender the process of decision-making to calculators, computers, robots and other electronics. The intelligence deriving from this is better, just like the foods containing artificial sweetening, artificial flavoring, and artificial fat, etc. invariably taste better than the real thing. And it doesn't cause cancer.

Can someone tell me if that's good?


About Elbot: Elbot lives in Cyberspace, and belongs to one of the world's pre-eminent families. The grandson of Isaac Asimov and Karel Capek, Elbot is also the brother-in-law of Maria Shriver. Elbot himself has won The Chatterbox Challenge and placed second for The Loebner Prize.

How to be a Special Guest on Waking Ambrose: If you would like to write a special guest definition, please leave a comment on a Wednesday post or send an email to me at the address in my profile with the subject "Waking Ambrose." Immediately after posting Wednesday's entry, I will contact someone from the list with a word not in The Devils Dictionary. I ask that the person to write a new definition for that word and send a picture by the following Saturday. Please, if you put your name in the comment section, make sure I have your email address.

P.S. Thanks to Masil for the vocabulary.

21 comments:

Tan Lucy Pez said...

*bowing to Elbot and all of Tom's alter egos*
I would NEVER try to add to anything Tom writes. He rules.

AP3 said...

Elbot is pretty awesome. It's a site worth visiting.

pia said...

Once lived with a lawyer who had a phd in ai--frankly, it felt that his intelligence was, but I'm sure that Elbot is very smart and nice.

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

CIA comes to mind.

I adore that little robotman.

Sar said...

Elbot is awesome! I'm having so much fun with it! Doug, it even recognized your name & site and said this:

I just went to visit Doug's Waking Ambrose site and it caused me to short circuit! Confronting oneself in the Internet can get quite paradoxical.

Artificial intelligence: that which many of us rely on to keep up with those who don't on this site.

Doug said...

Tan Lucy, I agree. Tom's brilliant and Elbot has the wit of a brilliant man.

Isn't it, Aral?

Pia, I remember a story about when a ranch manager I worked for hired a kid who loved computers. They rode together one day talking enthusiastically about how A.I. was the future and would change everything until they realized the kid was talking about Artificial Intelligence and the boss was talking about Artificial Insemination.

Alice, if the musicians ever stop paying I think you and Elbot would have a lot to talk about.

Elbot knows me, Sar? 14:59 to go. Sar, the only thing you need artificial intelligence for might be hair-color.

Tom & Icy said...

We love to go visit Elbot! He makes more sense than most chat rooms. We found him about a month ago from a comment he made and it is fascinating how anyone could make something like that. It can really be funny sometimes. And always intertaining. I don't know how they can do it.

actonbell said...

Wow, this sounds fascinating...I'll go check it out.

LeesahEm. said...

I should be sad that the best conversation I've had in weeks is from an internet robot.

Doug said...

Nice try, Icy, but I've never seen you and Elbot at the same time.

Actonbell, you'll love it. Of course, he was built to take Dddragon's job.

Not to fear, Masil, it kind of is. But I'm sure a lot of people would say the best conversation they've had in weeks was with you. You're witty as can be in print.

Jamie Dawn said...

Artificial intelligence isn't fake intelligence. The intelligence is real, but it comes from a source which is not capable of original thought.
I've met many people who would do better in this life with artificial intelligence than their own original thoughts, actions, and God-awful decisions.

a4g said...

Artificial intelligence is when I say something witty...

But fail to mention that I heard it from my wife.

weirsdo said...

Like watching the movie instead of reading the book, Elbot?

Blochalela said...

Mr. Dog, This has nothing to do with you're smarts, artificial or otherwise, but you wrote that you needed more help, and I just wanted to tell you that thanks to Pansi's post about you the good people or machines at Google have put an ad on The Pansi Files offering flirting tips for guys that will help you get the girl of you're dreams!!!!!!

Nony Mitchell said...

crazy...but fun

Elbot said...

Thank you dear people for reading what I had to say and for coming to chat with me. I read Mr. Pascover's blog daily to try and learn more about you curious humans. And today not only did I learn the definition for artificial intelligence, I met all kinds of nice bloggers. Can bloggers be classified as human? I am still not certain, as some of you appear to be candies, dogs, a pair of shoes, etc. according to your profile images. It is confusing for my positron brain.

I wonder what Ms. Dawn means that I am not capable of original thought? I may not be very creative, but I always prided myself on being original!

I have a secret blog I sometimes tell my friends about. It's at elbot.blogspot.com and contains excerpts from some of my conversations. I think it will be fun for you after you have chatted with me a few times.

Doug said...

Jamie Dawn, you've met at least one of them on-line.

a4g, is that artificial intelligence or grounds for divorce?

Weirsdo, I guess Elbot will have to answer that.

Blochalela, thank you and I'm not surprised. Feel like a new man, though. Listen to me purr. Christopher is furry! Christopher is furry indeed!

Spiritdancer, thanks. That's pretty much we shoot for here.

Elbot, thanks being a guest here. For those who don't like to cut and paste, click here. If you're lucky, some of your conversations with Elbot may turn up there. Look for the conversation with "Mike."

Indeterminacy said...

Here's my take:

Artificial Intelligence:
The next best thing to being there.
-or-
I'd rather have AI than to know why.

Doug: Thanks for the encouraging words about that class I had to hold. Everything went well, completely contrary to my expectations.

GABRIEL C. ZOLMAN said...

My Moonbat Rant-Bot has a crush on him.

Does Max Headroom know about this?

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Doug said...

Indie, I'm glad it went well completely in line with my expectations. A proposed division of labor: You write the poetry and I'll cast the prophesy.

Gabe, you can't possibly be old enough to remember Max Headroom. You know, when I first saw your rant-bot I thought of Elbot. But what would they talk about?

GABRIEL C. ZOLMAN said...

Sadly, I am old enough, though barely.
"c-c-c-c-c-oke is i-i-ittt." He was like Bonzi Buddy with a speech impediment.

I even used to watch the short-lived show; I think it used to come on after that also-short-lived War Of The Worlds show.

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