Thursday, July 14, 2005

Weather

Weather, n. The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversations among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.

The rest of Bierce's entry (a poem) is hilarious and can be found on Manjusha's site.

2005 Update: The variable on which a farmer focuses attention and activity.

20 comments:

AP3 said...

I'm going to try to go a whole week without talking about the weather.

I'll never make it.

Storm Trooper said...

America's armed services are not being adequately supported. We need the draft in America! We need to get more people overseas and bring democracy to the underpriviledged nations of the world. I hope the bill passes through congress. Then we can ship some of those damn hippies to Iraq (and hopefully North Korea and Iran!).

Sar said...

Wow Doug, I didn't know Superman became a troll.

Weather - Prefix for a man who will always retain an audience and paycheck for stating his opinion regardless of its resulting accuracy.

(Aral Peppermint Patty Pez - you've come to life!)

Doug said...

Aral, great job! Don't even mind that you're sicking your tongue out at me.

Superman, the Kiwi carpetbagger.

Sar, I'd only add see Economist.

GABRIEL C. ZOLMAN said...

Weather, v. A verb affecting change, and the relative erosion of our changing faces.

)+(

Tom Harper said...

If you're having a stiff, awkward phone conversation with a distant relative, talking about the weather can lengthen the conversation from 30 seconds to a more polite ten minutes. Comes in handy.

actonbell said...

I don't know whether the weather is always an inviting topic, but whither there's weather, it's an important topic.(Lazy Iguana's got his weather mapped).
-and yes, doug, I did notice that cat link!

Doug said...

Gabriel, is it the heat or the brimstone that causes hair to grow on your mug?

The Tom Harper? I'm honored.

Actonbell, you must be murder at scrabble(tm.)

*ahem*
Whither the weather and whether it snows, the wind wends over water wherever it blows.

a4g said...

Weather is the most slippery of all news, for although it is promised right after every commercial break, it always seems to slide its way to the last two minutes of the broadcast.

dddragon said...

Doug, you know that Actonbell and her hubby are the scourge of our parent's weekly Scrabble(tm) games.

Weather, n. The thing that we all love to complain about, no matter what it is supposed to be or actually ends up being. Also, the thing we are most likely to panic about (i.e. in Pennsylvania, if snow is in the forecast, then everyone buys milk and bread).

Doug said...

a4g, I think weather is actually the dependable part. After sports but ahead of politics.

Dddragon, I remember that post. Bacnk when she was Lucinda. What is it about snow? In Georgia the same thing happened. I've seen blizzards, earthquakes and hurricanes but I've never seen the stores closed for more than a day.

weirsdo said...

Weather: In the era of global warming, Mother Nature's handwriting on the wall.

karma said...

it fills in the blanks of pregnant pauses

Sar said...

oooh - good one, Weirsdo!

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Weather: something a fellow who lives in Altadena CA knows little about.

And you're right. The grocery stores never close, not even for a day. It's just tradition to go shopping when it snows.

Doug said...

Weirsdo, so it's a mene rain a-gonna fall?

Karma, a storm will break a silence. Kind of amazing that a blue sky does too.

I agree, Sar.

I beg your pardon, Tan Lucy. When my sister lived in L.A. she once famously said "It's not true that we have no seasons. There's really smoggy and pretty smoggy."

dddragon said...

I remember not being able to go out for recess because of the "Smog Index" being too high.

Out here they call it "hazy". Yeah, right.

Doug said...

Dddragon, I've lived in LA twice. 1980-1985 and 2000-present. It's hard to believe but the smog is much, much improved. I agree that the euphemisms are ridiculous. When you can see the air, that's bad.

Minka said...

Weather? Don´t get me started! Living in Iceland, the weather topic is of vital importance. Not really though. We have a lot of weather, the problem is: it all happens in one day. As a tourist you are basically screwed; whatever outfit you decide upon in the morning it is of no use three hours later. Same with the seasons here. There is a long dark winter, followed by a very short summer-which I think I have missed this year, ´cause last Tuesday I was still asleep between 9-10 o´clock.
The seasons of spring and fall are in between, but you might blink and they are gone.
But what do I know about weather, just making conversation ;)

Doug said...

Haha, Monika. Set your alarm next year. I think you're saying visitors to Iceland should wear layers. For example, long underwear beneath an orange jumpsuit, under chains below handcuffs, with barrels of rifles covering both ears. (Kidding, Iceland sounds beautiful and I'd love to see it.)