Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Andy prepares for Manhood
Story #5, in which my father teaches my brother about manly behavior.
To hear the wise man pet his camel:
To read the story, educate Andy:
This story will be cross-posted at Doug Drones On where I just bet this week someone will add a story of their own.
Oh, my son. I am so pleased that you mentioned that little, typically male "get in their pants" morsel your father passed on to his 13 year old, second born son coupled with feeding him brewskies came AFTER THE DIVORCE .....I am thankful that that you were't there at the pontification but more important, you, at least, are following your mother's programming, treating women with respect and NEVER but NEVER with those sneeky, fatherly motives, NO KIDDING!
Alice, I think they'll die miserable and alone by their own devices. By the way, that's a new domain name isn't it? I endorse Alice's and Anonymous Spammer's spam.
Hey, Marwa! Hope you had a good trip. All the stories are true unless I say they're not. They may be lightly edited to make me seem funnier or other people seem dorkier, but they all happened. And yes, he's famous for that. The next time I saw Andy we had a big laugh over it and the story still gets told.
Line, n. The most insidious torture device created by modern humankind. Found at most businesses when consumers wish to make a purchase. Also found via telephone when consumers wish to either place an order, seek help or to lodge a complaint. Frequently the length of the line causes great anxiety and frustration to the one in it. Example: When dddragon got in line at the grocery store, it instantly became the slowest one.
It's funny, Weirsdo, you put me in mind of a friend of mine in Iowa, a woman with two brothers. She once told me that at the dinner table when she was a girl her father said "Boys, sew your wild oats while you're young it'll be good for you. Cindy, don't you dare."
Thank you, Dddragon, for elevating the discussion! At last we have a torment men and women alike can relate to. And don't get me started on telecommerce, geez ;-)
Actonbell, you mean someone actually used that line on you? At the least you deserve something with some botany or astronomy in it. You know, rose petals beneath a meteor shower sort of thing.
Yeah, Aral, Dad would rather be funny than right and it was a great way to be raised. For the record, the son he ruined has been married ten years with two great kids.
Jamie Dawn, in my family lines are an alternative to weight loss.
Line,n. something that combines a methaphor, insult and apology all in one. typical line: "It is me, not you!" It definately does not mean what it obviously states, infact it is the opposite :"It is you!", but since it has been put that nicely one can excuse the offense!
26 comments:
Line,n. a brief piece of bull crap successful only when used on one whose cerebrum is backward or in the case of compatible pheromones.
You are on the line to HELL, and I'm not "kidding"!
We try to walk the line, but sometimes we cross the line, we deliver a line and that is often the end of the line.
Oh, my son. I am so pleased that you mentioned that little, typically male "get in their pants" morsel your father passed on to his 13 year old, second born son coupled with feeding him brewskies came AFTER THE DIVORCE .....I am thankful that that you were't there at the pontification but more important, you, at least, are following your mother's programming, treating women with respect and NEVER but NEVER with those sneeky, fatherly motives, NO KIDDING!
LOL. Sorry, Doug's Mama, but I had to laugh. I am SO glad that you aren't with this "father" any longer!
Line,n. A lie, strengthened by a touch of truth with it.
Funny, Alice. The backward cereberum is the breeding ground of the North American dork.
Soapy, I meant what I said that time.
Icy, in my case always.
Mama, glad you're writing comments but maybe start Monday.
TLP, DON'T ENCOURAGE HER.
Your blog gets right to the point... just what I like. Keep up the good work! Will check back frequently to see what's going on.
When you get a chance can you also check out my laptop memory web site/blog. It's great if you're interested in laptop memory related items.
Hey, great blog! Come on over to our site, we really got a LINE for you!
Anonymous I, thank you so much for your kind and incisive comment. Laptop memory fascinates me. How do you come down on the zipper v snaps debate?
Anonymous II, that means a lot.
Icy, you're a riot.
I am adding my spam as I only think it fair.
Come to Wonderland or Not( http://www.wonderlandornot.com ) if you like to Wonder or Not.
What is with these spammers lately?
If I believed in guns and I believed happiness was truly a warm one I would shoot them, and I shoot in a straight LINE I'm sure of it.
Hey Doug, I'm back :) I love your mama's comments here btw. I suppose the story you posted here is true? Your father really said that?!
Alice, I think they'll die miserable and alone by their own devices. By the way, that's a new domain name isn't it? I endorse Alice's and Anonymous Spammer's spam.
Hey, Marwa! Hope you had a good trip. All the stories are true unless I say they're not. They may be lightly edited to make me seem funnier or other people seem dorkier, but they all happened. And yes, he's famous for that. The next time I saw Andy we had a big laugh over it and the story still gets told.
My father was the same after my parents divorced, even though I was a daughter! Too much information, Dad.
We ordered the QTpro so I could participate in your droning, but it hasn't come for some reason. We're inquiring.
Line, n. The most insidious torture device created by modern humankind. Found at most businesses when consumers wish to make a purchase. Also found via telephone when consumers wish to either place an order, seek help or to lodge a complaint. Frequently the length of the line causes great anxiety and frustration to the one in it. Example: When dddragon got in line at the grocery store, it instantly became the slowest one.
No where near enough spam here. GIVE US MORE SPAM.
Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!
It's funny, Weirsdo, you put me in mind of a friend of mine in Iowa, a woman with two brothers. She once told me that at the dinner table when she was a girl her father said "Boys, sew your wild oats while you're young it'll be good for you. Cindy, don't you dare."
Thank you, Dddragon, for elevating the discussion! At last we have a torment men and women alike can relate to. And don't get me started on telecommerce, geez ;-)
Vikings, Monty Python, I love it.
Actonbell, glad you liked the story. That's a funny line and dangerous. What if she says "fertilized?"
Actonbell, glad you liked the story. That's a funny line and dangerous. What if she says "fertilized?"
Actonbell, you mean someone actually used that line on you? At the least you deserve something with some botany or astronomy in it. You know, rose petals beneath a meteor shower sort of thing.
That's hilarious! Good ol' pop!
That spammer offered "fast weight loss secrets."
I guess following those tips would help one's line to be more successful.
What a dad!
Yeah, Aral, Dad would rather be funny than right and it was a great way to be raised. For the record, the son he ruined has been married ten years with two great kids.
Jamie Dawn, in my family lines are an alternative to weight loss.
Line,n. something that combines a methaphor, insult and apology all in one.
typical line:
"It is me, not you!"
It definately does not mean what it obviously states, infact it is the opposite :"It is you!", but since it has been put that nicely one can excuse the offense!
Monika, Doug tried a line only to get a stiletto heel in his eye?
That indeed is an unfourtunate outcome. Yet it also is a beautiful Telic Clause. I am so proud of you!
I had a good teacher, M.
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