Friday, January 13, 2006

Alcohol

Alcohol, n. ( Arabic Al Kohl, a paint for the eyes. ) The essential principle of all such liquids as give a man a black eye.

2006 Update: An astringent applied to the soul's face.

43 comments:

Miz BoheMia said...

Brilliant definition dear Doug! *bohemian applauds with oh-so-much zeal*

Alcohol~ Fiery substance that awakens the dormant chimpanzee in shocked looking bohemians...

OY! *bohemian bangs head against wall in remembrance*

Am I, could I... be first?

Yeah Baby Yeah! This Boho Mama is a rockin' today!

*bohemian does a chicken dance...*

Caution: The chicken dance is to be used with care and done only on joyful occasions... this one warrants it!

Sar said...

Alcohol: Perhaps the only instance it's acceptable to be discriminating and express a preference for whites.

Tom & Icy said...

An accelerant for becoming even more stupid

Minka said...

alcohol...a liberating substance that allows the user to shed moral and socially imposed masks.
After sufficient lubrications those socially imposed inhibitions are lowered to the extend of superior movements, a bigger ego and overall happiness. This -of course- is all in the eye of the beerholder :)

ME Strauss said...

As one from a long and wide bloodline of saloonkeepers, the true shamans of Western Civilization I relate from our traditions that specific spirits, much like herbs and plants, are known as cures for such maladies as teething, whooping cough, diarrhea, allergies, and the lack of such spirits does wonders for curing severe bouts with gout or the every-dreaded DTs.

Doug said...

Miz B, I love "awakens the dormant chimpanzee," take another round of chicken dance.

Sar, you mean other than laundry and hiring?

Good girl, Icy!

Haha, Monika, and what happened to the part about singing? 5 points for Beerholder.

Liz, I take it for whooping cough. It's not far from saloonkeeping to blogging, is it?

Ariella said...

"And now,
let the weak say I am strong,
let the poor say I am rich..."

Apply liberally to alter one's perception of reality

Jenna Howard said...

Alcohol - nectar of the gods that makes that jerk reeeeeeally attractive.

karma said...

Ambrose has outdone himself with this one. Pascover is too clever by half.

But according to Karma, Al Kohl is an eye lubricant that enables one to see double.

oh, and i can see Monika is still under the influence

ducukti: Arabian sunglasses

Doug said...

Ariella, it does kinda make the crooked straight and the rough places plain, doesn't it?

Jenna, it can't give a man floppy ears, though, by golly!

Karma, well done! Try on some of those ducukti.

Jenna Howard said...

Yeah but with booze - I'm not going to notice the floppy ears. Or a floppy anything.

mireille said...

I have always lusted after drinks that made me sick: Tequila Sunrises, White Russians ... anything sweet and syrupy that makes you gulp in haste and regret at leisure. But my favorite: Dorothy Parker on martinis, I think: "Two and I'm under the table. Three and I'm under the host." At least martinis are comparatively clean drinks ... you're not so likely to be sick all over the host. Memories. *Good Times* xoxo

ariel said...

alcohol, n, exchanges the man you have children from for another one you'd have never married.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Sad news Ariel.

Alcohol, n., Liquid which makes you think you are so smart, so charming, so witty. Also see, looks like a fool to me.

dddragon said...

BoHoMa: I saw about 50 people do the Chicken Dance at the Pennsylvania Farm Show a couple of days ago. It was almost scary, but I've seen it done at many wedding receptions, and train excursions, so I'm immune.

Great definitions, everyone!

Alcohol, n., the liquid that is behind many mysteries: Where am I? What happened to me? And who ARE you?

Has been known to make whole rooms whirl around.

Doug said...

Jenna, what brand?

Mireille, you can take a walk down memory lane here anytime. That Dot!

Ariel, and don't forget the children's medium for explaining it.

TLP, you are charming and witty. I can tell by the beer in your hand.

Dddragon, Almost scary? That's some immunity. I'm laughing at your definition.

Jenna Howard said...

Shhhh. A girl needs her secrets. (*cough* anything)

LeesahEm. said...

alcohol-the liquid that often replaces at least 4% of my body's water, often in competition with the 17% that coffee replaces (I'm drinking one of the two as I type this...but I'm not telling you which one...)

Tan Lucy Pez said...

HA! That's a mouse in my hand Pascover! I'm not so think as you drunk I am.

I'm just naturally charming. Also witty. I notice you left out smart. Guess you're the one with a beer in your hand. Hrmpf. *wait a minute....what's going on here...*

AP3 said...

I'll see mireille's Dorothy Parker, and I'll raise you an Ogden Nash:

"Candy is dandy
But liquor is quicker."

Doug said...

Hahaha, Jenna. I actually keep that. Doesn't seem to help.

Bottoms up in either case, Masil!

Nope, TLP. Mouse.

Flag on the play, AP3, I think you used that one on candy. Come back here!

Doug said...

My apology, AP3, that was Karma. Can't tell you Hindus apart half the time.

Em said...

Alcohol: that faint alluring smell that tells you to scoop out the centerpiece fruit bowl.

Jamie Dawn said...

Rubbing alcohol kills the bad stuff. Drinking alcohol makes the bad stuff more tolerable.

Monika's "beerholder" comment is gooood!

Manchego said...

Wow. I can't think of anything clever to say today. I need a drink.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

alcohol - A colorless liquid that half the population finds indespensible and the other half finds totally repugnant.

Me? I think it's indespensible. Tea, as in tea-totaler, tastes like a gremlin's ass...not that I speak from experience mind you.

Cairo The Boxer said...

Doug could you please do a K9 favor. Please vote for me today at http://dailypuppy.com woof woof

Tan Lucy Pez said...

You know, the guys are get prettier at closin' time.

Is it last call yet?

Tan Lucy Pez said...

ALL get prettier....all not are...

am I cut off now?


wtfcacwnk: these verifiers are getting way too long for a drinking crowd. And too obvious...WTF, etc.

karma said...

AP3 and Doug, let me repeat:

"Candy is dandy
but sex won't rot your teeth"

methinks there is too much blood in my alcohol stream. wait, am i talking kamasutra here?

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

Alcohol: Bottled bravado.

Cheers.

Doug said...

Rainbow, that's a very good conclusion to reach.

Wasn't it, Jamie Dawn? I think you categorized the the stuff well, too.

Wine, I'm sure, Manchego.

Come on, Poobah, we want the story.

Cairo, I sure did. 11 biscuits, my friend. 11.

One more, TLP, then we'll see. If the verifier makes sense then yes.

Karma, that does sound familiar.

Bottom's up, Alice.

AP3 said...

Hindus <♥> Ogden Nash?

AP3 said...

Hindus ♥ candy and liquor?

weirsdo said...

As Doug discovered, alcohol is an inflammatory chemical that can get out of hand quickly.

arecz: wha that durn car got (hic!) into on way home!

pia said...

alcohol: liquor might be quicker but candy lasts longer--on the hips

alcohol: gives me a headache as I drink it; kinds of takes any pleasure out of something supposed to be pleasurable--but I wasn't always like this

ariel said...

Pia, you're gonna think it's funny, in Hungarian we call alcoholic drinks "pia" too. for example "Give me some pia or I'll die here." we also have a verb of it, "piál". "Where's Jim?" "I don't know, he piál with his stinky friends somewhere, the devil take them all." we also have an adjective of it, "piás" that means a person drinks often and a lot. "His mother is a big piás, you didn't know?"

Doug said...

Haha, Aral, I think you're thinking of Red Sox Nation, your other tribe.

Clever, Pia!

Oh, Ariel, I hope that's true. I'm laughing in either case. By any chance does "Doug" mean "triple cheeseburger" in Hungarian?

Doug said...

Oh, Weirsdo, apologies. I think the Sumerians discovered it. My experiment was conclusive, though.

actonbell said...

Oh, darnit, I missed the alcohol. And I DID the chicken dance at a few beerfests down in Adamstown, too. My cute MIL was half a motion behind, the whole time. Beer gets to her really fast, but I can't laugh too hard--I'm getting to that point, myself.
As Mireille, says, it was fun.

Wonderful definition, Doug, as usual:)

Fred said...

How could I miss this one? I even have a beer right here in front of me.

Acton, we must be more prompt checking Doug's blog. We're missing out on all the spirt(s).

Doug said...

Thanks, Actonbell. I hope this wasn't the only Friday night alcohol.

Did you bring enough for everyone, Fred?

Indeterminacy said...

Alcohol: Can be used to clean surfaces, also to wipe minds clean.