1. excl. Comic book word indicating impact, eg. “Kablooey! Pow! Ta-BLOID!”.
2. p.n. Capital of Tabloidistan, nestled in the tender sloping hills between Hollywood and Monte Carlo. Chief exports include meat, mugshots and Brand Beckham. Tabloid is the trendy hub of printing rubbish, a popular national passtime. Tourist attractions include Baywatch stars in car crashes, Paris Hilton’s pets and Russel Crowe.
Visitors flock to the city by the thousands, particularly during Federline season, when the streets are nicely fugged* up and the townsfolk join together for an all-stompin’, all-cussin’ hoedown.
Tourists are, however, asked to note that there is a government travel warning on Tabloidistan. Visitors are strongly urged against wearing ugg boots and eating burritos in public – and anyone who converts to Kabbala is just asking for it. In case of acute Courtney Loveification it is advised to stay calm, send out the Sponge Beacon and distract the assailant with shiny things until help arrives.
About The Amazing Sponge Girl: Sponge Girl, or A. Spo as she's known in lexicographical circles, provides invasive, speculative and remorseless gossip about her own fictionalized life. With great wit and negligible esteem for her subject, her dish is tantalizing suggestive and yet almost entirely unsupported with documentation or named sources. Her most recent headline "Sponge Girl Not Naked" and the base insinuations that follow give a sense of what awaits once you know where to look for the latest.
While rejecting and often mocking the contemporary prevalence of celebrity obsession, this reporter admits he's hooked. The insight presented into the romance and career of the A.Spo tantalize with the certainty that there must be more and wouldn't we like to know. A source for this bio, speaking only Spanish-inflected Farsi with a little Danish to protect her anonymity, described A. Spo as "Completely fabulous. I'm almost sure of it." If you read the personality columns or are beset by those who do, The Amazing Sponge Girl is for you.
*A. Spo's press people have produced a substantial body of evidence that this word is not profane ("Paris Hilton uses it,") although I don't believe it is sacred either. Having met with her legal team, I have agreed to allow this single use of the verb "To Fug" and then banish it forever from these pages. What could I do? They were going to take Willie.
How to be a special guest: All it takes to be a special guest on Waking Ambrose is to inform me of your willingness to submit to my editorial tyranny, especially the no profanity/no novel-writing clause which was once so rigidly enforced and will be again once all of Miz Bohemia's friends have gone. By the way, as of this writing there are no more volunteers for next Wednesday so I plan to delete this site on that day.
Mooche, n. One who enjoys access to the orchestra pit but won't lower herself to the stage.