Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Special Guest Wednesday

This Wednesday, my guest is illustrious chocolatier and noted brooder, Semisweet1.

His assignment was to define for us Afar, n. He answers in verse, and the object could be almost anyone.
Once struck by Cupid’s dart,
My heart
Was freed of doubt and dread.
Was Red
The antidote to Blue?
For you
At stoplights my love grew.
But, always, Doom impends –
Red love turned Green soon ends.
My heart was Red for you.
About Semisweet1: Semisweet1 is a good friend going back to college (#4/4) where he was my roommate and cribbage antagonist for one semester. He's also the scion of a marshmallow empire, a native of Long Island, New York, and a dependable wooer of women living or travelling within 10,000 miles of the Great Neck post office. A boy has to have standards.

My favorite way to introduce Semisweet1 is with my own introduction. It was new students' registration day at Emory. The registrants were divided into three groups: Freshmen, transferring students, and those for whom papers were missing, incomplete or inelegant. It didn't take long in the second group to find that I belonged to the third. After an hour in line, it was clear that there was an administrative problem which could not be handled easily because all the paperwork seemed so right. Everything they asked for, I presented but they were certain something was missing or else why would I be at that table? Was I sure it was Emory I was attending?

In the din of the room, voices rose to screaming and fell to silence. There were many dead. At some point, behind me, there was one voice which seemed calm, authoritative and sarcastic. Naturally my ears followed and I heard the following syncopated explanation. "I applied to Emory University, I'm certain that was the name on the form and the logo matched the one on your shirt. I received from Emory notice of acceptance, a request for money and some forms to fill out. These I completed and returned, with a check, to the address indicated on the envelope. It appears these were received because they sent me the instructions that brought me to this table where it is now my intention to matriculate at-(to?) Emory. Is it matriculate at or to? I don't want to make a mistake." The sarcasm was stunningly adequate to the situation and while I spent most of that week trying not to introduce myself to people, I couldn't resist making Semisweet1's acquaintance. By coincidence, my next introduction, wholly involuntary, turned out to be Semisweet1's roommate for that year, Brian, and the three of us spent many an hour together in friendship and mockery.


Sar said...

Semi - Nicely done. In fact, that was the best "roses are red, violets are blue" prose I've ever heard. Oh wait, I didn't hear it. Had you recorded it, then it would've been the best I've ever heard.

Doug - What a great write up. Nice to learn a little more about Semi and your friendship. I can only image how much trouble, er fun, the two of you must have had and been on campus.

Sar said...

Oooh, I was first - do I win some of Semi's chocolate for the occassion?!

Kay Richardson said...


weirsdo said...

Wit AND great chocolate and he has to go 10000 miles to meet women? I feel I'm missing something here.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Wonderful pick for a guest!

He writes poetry, he's sarcastic, and he is a chocolatier? A man after my own heart! If only I were 30 years younger. And single. And lived in New York.

Oh, wait. I draw the line at living in New York. I can Tel you that's too Afar.

logo said...

chocolate covered marshmellows,
AND poetry?
I am in love...

weirsdo said...

Please!!!!! Mr. DOG!!!!!!!!! Dont get caried away!!!!! You mite get hurt!!!!! Cave Troll dint mean to drop the club on my foot hes just not a good danser!!!!!!
But if you or you're freind Semi-Truck wanna do something about DAISY--well my hand's are tyed!!!!
Kiss kiss!!!!!

AP3 said...

Another great one! Hey, Doug, I didn't know semisweet was someone you knew from "real life". That's cool.

Doug said...

Sadly, Sar, we were a lot less trouble than you might think.

Yes, yes, Kay. You're first too.

You're not the only one, Weirsdo.

TLP, I think that's the first Iraq oun ever on this site. *Thunderous Applause*

Logo, Seattle's close enough by 7000 miles.

Kiss kiss, Pansi *plotting*

Yeah, Aral, he's even in the birthday story I posted when it wasn't my birthday.

mireille said...

Ahhhh, the marshmallow scion Casanova ... the perfect friend. Chocolate or women, whatever you're in the mood for.

And Doug, as has been noted on my blog, you ARE cuter.


Semisweet1 said...

Doug, I don't mean any disrespect to your illustrious guest. The poem is fantastic. But maybe one of your Family and Friends can explain what in God's name it has to do with the word "afar." I'm baffled.

Doug said...

Thanks, Mireille. Semi can be the cute one today. I've held the title up 'til now and I'll have it again tomorrow.

Hold on, S, I'm looking for the Cliff's Notes. Same mournful timbre, maybe?

Doug said...

And by mournful timbre, I mean whininess.

Jamie Dawn said...

SS: Great poem. It's no surprise that you are a wooer of women. With chocolate in hand, you have one foot way in the door already. Seeing those chocolate covered marshmallows came dangerously close to making me abandon my New Year's Resolution.

Doug: There's almost nothing better than mocking with friends. SS sounds like a fun guy.

Afar: A ten thousand mile wooing radius.

mireille said...

French chocolates. *dreamily* I want French chocolates. And dear Doug, I meant cuter than Benjamin Franklin. I don't know how cute Semi is. xoxo

logo said...

He is sarcastic, play cribbage, and has access to chocolate,
how cute does he NEED to be??
Semi, I am yours

karma said...

half-sugar, your poem is the furthest away from the definition of 'afar'. i reckon absence makes the heart grow fonder

Semisweet1 said...

Cruel friend and disdainer of sugar-coating, that timbre is the romantic hum of the pudgy chocolatier.

Anonymous said...

Chocolate?! (perks up at desk) I will travel afar for chocolate.

Semisweet1 said...

Karma, I am a duality of sarcasm and sentimentality. I thought we'd devote today, as most days on Waking Ambrose, to the celebration of the wisenheimer. But you accidentally struck a chord that already has the lyrics written for it:

(Sorry, Doug)

On us great wisdom have the ages shined,
And one should never seek to dim the light
Which prudent Time resolved to cast in mind
To guide us when our path is not in sight.
But what if, once enlightened by the sage
Advice of old, one nonetheless does find
Inadequate that venerable gauge
For measuring the present state of mind?
For in your absence what inhabits me
But shadows and relentless weary night,
While wisdom promulgates the fallacy
That you are out of mind when out of sight?
Oh, that old saw quite differently I see -
As far from true as you, my love, from me.

Doug said...

Good definition, Jamie Dawn and you're right, SS is a grand mocker.

Mireille, that's just because you've never had Long Island chocolate. It's like French only more elegant and gallic.

Logo, I'm pretty sure he isn't spoken for. You, on the other hand...

Wow, Karma. You make me want to say something nice.

S, I thought it sounded familiar.

Semisweet1 said...

It should. It's not much different than the bray of the pudgy social service provider.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

I FIGURED IT OUT. You were n that lne because you didn't know if you were matriculating to or at Emory. That's gotta be it!

By the way, my Grandmother was a chocolatier at (to?) See's candies.

LeesahEm. said...

Ahhh, the joys of sarcasm...such a beautiful thing. Seattlites don't do the sarcasm.

logo said...

masil, you are hanging with the wrong seattlites.

dddragon said...

I've had those chocolate-covered marshmallows. I'd swoon for them and the verses and bow before the man who created them.

Anonymous said...

This post really makes me wish that I went to Emory, but sadly, I went to college a long ways away from there

Auntie Emory

Doug said...

S, the pudgy social service provider doesn't rhyme at any time.

Poobah! another piece of the mask falls aside.

Masil, if that's the case what on Earth are you doing there?

Logo, phew!

Dddragon, I suspect that won't be necessary, but thank you.

Afar East?

mireille said...

um, I'm a Seattleite and I do the sarcasm. *mwah!* xoxo

actonbell said...

I heart the poem and the write-up. Oh, and the chocolate-covered marshmellows. *bowing to Semisweet1 from afar*

Minka said...

With wit, sarcasm and peotry we can now agree on calling you Fullysweet.
And all I can think of is: "Am still within that 10.000 mile radius?"
Who would have thought that Waking Ambrose, besides word definitions, special guests and Saturday story-telling, would also become an online dating service. There are several damsels in distress for you to pick up here, Semisweet!

Doug said...

Maybe, Mireille, but very very subtly. xoxo

Thanks, Actonbell.

Monika, Leningrad was his boundary last I checked. I'll direct FS to your picture which makes Reykjevik seem right local.

a4g said...

Afar, n. The distance at which to experience unrequited love, pure and chaste.

It is best appreciated with the assistance of a high-powered lens and video camera.

AP3 said...

afar, n. Along along away ato arun?

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

Well I didn't learn what afar means but I admire you from it anyway Dog.

I did learn something................semisweet isn't a girl.

Nice poem. Sounds like my kind of guy.........older, sweet poetic and a tad irreverent.

The Alien Guy said...

The closest friends are too often the most afar.

ariel said...

and now that it turned out Semisweet isn't a girl, he seems to be in danger. Semisweet, I cannot save you but I happily guard your chocolates while you're not fighting for your life.

Doug said...

a4g, funny. Pure and chaste and voyeuristic. You think like a single man.

Haha, Aral. A note to follow a4g.

Well, then you learned something valuable if undocumented, Alice.

Very true, Alien Guy, and headless.

Hahaha, Ariel. I'm sure my young friend appreciates your sacrifice.

Minka said...

IS his name from semisweet dark chocolate? I just had a better look at those sweets I never had, and most of the thingies ar ecovered in semisweet dark chocolate :)

Doug said...

Monika, I always guessed it was a pun on that and his sentimental/sarcastic nature. Hopefully he'll jump back on here and let us know.

Semisweet1 said...

The sentimentalist went to sleep, and the sarcastic woke up. Reading the latest comments on the subject of Semisweet1, I can't help but smile bittersweetly that my sex was a surprise to the opposite sex. Answers a hell of a lot of questions, and exposes more fertile ground for fruitless self-investigation.

However, to those of you who enjoyed my contribution to Waking Ambrose, thank you kindly.

Doug said...

Well, S, one might speculate that using an icon of a semi truck and maybe using the name semi-fierce could have prevented some of the confusion.

Of course, the you still would have had to explain your inclination toward verse and the Japanese silk print collection, Dorothy.

Semisweet1 said...

Hidden behind the mask of words and pictures, I can't lie. I'm as much the woman in the print which I use as an icon, as I am the man in my verse. I'll never be a Mack truck, and there's no point in pretending I am.

Miz BoheMia said...

I arrived late! In-laws and taxes... forgive me...

Loved the poem Semisweet1! And Doug, beautiful write-up, but then again, ain't it always?

Boho smooches to both...

ariel said...

surprise in sex, Semisweet, you should be so proud of yourself.

Kyahgirl said...

Semisweet1, I thought you were a female too, but when you think of it...pretty much all women love chocolate so semisweet is a pretty good handle for a guy!!

Doug said...

S, this would all have good to know 14 years ago.

Miz B, I hated the thought of Semisweet missing out on the good bohemian loving. Thanks for coming back.

Wow, Ariel. That's really good spin.

Kyah, all I know is, he's furry.