Tuesday, January 24, 2006


Apothecary, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider.
When Jove sent blessings to all men that are,
And Mercury conveyed them in a jar,
That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth
Disease for the apothecary's health,
Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim:
"My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!"
2006 Update: That person to whom we now entrust our spirit, vitality and virility, the Priest being otherwise occupied.


Solace Cai said...

Apothecary: an otherwise scary synonym for those that I work with, as I infact, work in a pharmacy.

Sponge Girl said...

I got nuthin'. But I have come to say hi.

Tom & Icy said...

There seems to be a lot of illegal ones walking around, like: That guy is an apothecary sub rosa. How's that, Zockso?

DareDevil said...

nice post

Sar said...

I like your definition Doug. My paternal grandfather was an Apothecary. Unfortunately he had a tendancy to take his work home with him.

mireille said...

oh Tom and Icy, I love it when you use latin verbiage! (does that have anything to do with perfume?)
Apothecary: from the manic to the depressive, he's got something for you ... go ask Alice:
Tell them a hookah-Smoking caterpillar/
has given you the call/
Call Alice when she was just small/
When the men on the chess board/ get up and tell you where to go

AP3 said...

Doug, you've given me a Beatles' earworm: "Dr. Robert"

If you're down
he'll pick you up
Dr. Robert

Take a drink from his special cup Dr. Robert

....Well, well, well
you're feeling fine
Well, well, well,
he'll make you
Dr. Robert

Dr. Doo-Doo said...

Like these other people are implying, the legal side of my business.

Doug said...

I didn't know that, Solace. You're one enterprising teen.

A. Spo, hi is more than nothing but less than howdy. Howdy.

Icy, good girl!

Dare Devil, I see you dropped the smiley from your standard comment. I admire your economy.

Interesting, Sar. My maternal grandfather was, too. I think all he brought home was flowers for grammy. At least, that's how the story gets told.

Airplane, Mireille! You can tell us: Did you use to dance in public to that wearing tie dye? I promise not to make fun.

Aral, you like Beatle's earworms, right?

Doc, I thought that was baseball cards.

Minka said...

A very efficient 18th century being. Medical advisor, medicine dispenser, psychiatrist, midwife,surgeon and tabocco salesman all in one. It was a simpler time!

Anonymous said...

An apothecary, whether lawful or not, has the means to make you feel better.

Kay Richardson said...

I live to eat drugs. EAT.

logo said...

"O true apothecary!
Thy drugs are quick.
Thus with a kiss I die."

(wrist to forehead, artful slump)

dddragon said...

"Dead flies cause the ointment of the apothecary to send forth a stinking savour."

I got nuthin' else

Tan Lucy Pez said...

If I'd known that my husband's gettin' old would make them rich, I might have become one.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. Lily Tomlin

pia said...

I seem to spend way too much time in the apothecary, and can't walk out without spending way too much money on a scented candle or something I absolutely must have

Jamie Dawn said...

Apothecary: A good friend to have.
Go to the home of any pharmacist and you will find a bunch of unprescribed prescription drugs in his medicine cabinet.

Miz BoheMia said...

Apothecary~ My homeopathic pill pusher. I am the apothecary's kali brichomicum 30cc alternative medicine crack whore when under the painful grips of my many migraines. I need the stuff and I need it NOW! GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!

Following Kay's lead, my drugs dissolve under my tongue, DISSOLVE!

Hey, Kay & Jenna, you came over together? Are you partying already? No one told me! K-kish!

mireille said...

oh you would too make fun. Will make fun. Topless, actually. With a suede fringed miniskirt. Put that in your mind's eye. xoxo

LeesahEm. said...

apothecary-corporate vampires store-fronts that push overpriced pills on you to keep you alive longer...only so the vampires can keep pushing more and more overpriced pills on you.
That wasn't too cynical was it?

Doug said...

Simpler time? Monika, I don't multi-task like that and I have three cell phones. Plus, you left off barber.

So, you like pharmacists, huh, Jenna?

Kay, to your health.

Good Juliette, Logo! When you take on Olivia Hussey, you take on every dream I've had since a boy.

Geez, Dddragon. You people read!

TLP, I don't which is more quotable.

Pia, your life depends on it. And I bet Mireille and Miz Bohemia approve.

Jamie Dawn, what's his address?

Miz Bohemia, one of these days you have to meet my mother. The two of you can drink metal together.

Mireille, what makes you think it wasn't there already? I would not make fun. None of us would. Right TLP? Tom? Tom?

No, Masil, that was milder than I expected.

tlm said...

Apothecary, n. A health professional trained in the art of taking nearly forty-five minutes to transfer thirty pills from a large bottle to a smaller one.

Minka said...

Doug, I meant an easier time for the sick person :) Regardless of the problem, there was one guy in town you went to see and while you waited for his answer you had a quick shave and a smoke :)
Now you have to find a specialist for each bone :)

Anonymous said...

I just choked on my gum, Monika.For a second I saw "one gal" instead of one guy then the "specialist for each bone" caused me to choke before I slowly reread and saw - guy. *phew*

I must have a raunchier mind than I thought. Naaaah. I'm a good girl I is.

Anonymous said...

Doug, Your definition was brilliant and I loved it too much to even try to be half as clever as you!


Doug said...

TLM, it's hard to do while frowning.

Funny, Monika. You're right, too. I found that falling into decrepitude much more convenient and user friendly.

Jenna, it's amazing how differently that reads. You bear the same name as my sister and therefore I am certain of your innocence.

Anonymous, your adulation's excessive but thanks.

Fred said...

Can I use my free homework pass for this one? I'm stuck.

actonbell said...

Apothecary-you mean that guy with all the leeches? Ew. I don't need my spirit bleed to restore my vitality, thankyouverymuch.
(that's a great verse, btw!)

I'm so glad that today we have pharmacists, who give out pills instead. No blood involved. That's much better.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Just came back in case Mireille said sumthin' I could use to make fun of her. And she did.

A suede fringed miniskirt is SO not c'est chic. It has to be leather. Please. Just sayin'.

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

I have no idea. I think of Dickens novels.

Anonymous said...

Um, yes, Doug. That's why I'm innocent. All of us Jennas are innocent. Um...yes.

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Doug said...

Fred, I grade on a curve.

It has to be that way, Actonbell or we'd poison the leeches.

TLP, I'm glad Mireille has you to learn from.

More, Alice, the girl wants more?!?

I thought so, Jenna. Weird about the baby, huh?

Indeterminacy said...

I'm not apothacary that. It's too heavy.

(when in doubt, change the subject)

Doug said...

Indie, there's almost nothing a lisp and a bad back can't get you out of.

Anonymous said...

*blink blink* Baby?