Monday, June 02, 2008


BASSOON, n. A brazen instrument into which a fool blows out his brains.

2008 Update: The least discrete cuspidor.


Tom & Icy said...

Being first is like playing a bassoon.

javajazz said...

my son really digs
playing string bass,
and if he gets some gigs,
he will need to purchase
a bassoon...

ps, i'm gonna challenge you
on your update, with all
due reverence and respect,
and say, no,
i think a trumpet
is the least discrete cuspidor...
(think spit valve here...)

quilly said...

Have you any idea how the bassoon got its name? It used to just be called a bas, but beginners sound so bad playing it, all the people within hearing distance would shout, "Are you going to stop playing that bas soon?!"

pia said...

I like your definition but if I thought hard enough could make a case for other things

TLP said...

Good one Quilly.

A baboon playing a bassoon will get on your nerves soon.

Jim said...

Bassoon: I'd just assoon play the whip.
But you don't want to be spitting in that thing, it splattes all over everything and everybody.

Jim said...

splattes almost is splatters.

Mutha said...

I'm back. I had to go look up "cuspidor." Sounds like it would have something to do with a tooth -- but NO!
What has always struck me about the bassoon is how much pain the bassoon-player appears to be in. Squeezing that much air into a tiny double reed -- it makes me dizzy just thinking about it.

Jamie Dawn said...

I had to look up the definition of cuspidor, and when I did... Eeeeeewww!!!

Good bassoonists and oboists are assured of hefty scholarships. My brother (the pianist for his university choir when we was a student) said that students who played the more obscure instruments got the best scholarships. Pianists, flutists, and kazooists are a dime a dozen.

Doug said...

Kind of draws attention, doesn't it, Icy?

JJ, you have much more education here. Can I accept your wisdom without changing my definition?

Quilly, is that also where bas relief comes from?

Pia, I found this morning that the number of bassoon jokes seemed limited but I'm sure you're right.

TLP, so does playing a bassoon after sucking on a balloon and trying to croon.

Jim, the whip sounds like fun. You saw Indiana Jones this weekend, didn't you?

Mutha, I have no idea, but I'm glad you're back.

J.D. I'll have to tell my sister that. My mother gave my nephew a kazoo which he has apparently been training diligently on.

sauerkraut said...

dang... all the good stuff has already been taken. Anyone for the french horn?

javajazz said...

but maybe if your nephew
learned jazz kazoo, he could earn
more than a dime towards
his scholarship...
ps, i'm a phony...
i didnt even know
what a cuspidor was...
i thought it was
a container that the
tooth fairy
kept his spare change in...

javajazz said...

and pps..its the oboe players
who end up going insane....
(that's gotta be worth
more than 10 cents.)

The Old Mule said...

bassoon: a linguist's sneeze.

Mutha said...

Jamie Dawn -- kazooists might be a dime a dozen but a GOOD one?? As rare as rare can be!

Thanks Doug, and my back thanks you too.

Doug said...

Sauerkraut, is that a pastry?

Excellent idea, JJ. Next time I'm in Portland I'll suggest jazz kazoo and run. Pity the poor oboist. He owes you a dime.

Mule, what word isn't a linguist's sneeze, Mule?

Mutha, please send your back my regards.

javajazz said...

best the oboist should save his money
for the walk-in clinic after he blows
his compressed brains
through that teeny tiny opening
in the oboe reed...

(funny about the french horn
being a pastry...i just showed
Poopy person...!
he just landed at 6 am!)

mireille said...

Have bassoonists everywhere lodged their protests? xoxo

tsduff said...

Sorry about my comment. It needed to go away.

Wallace Stevens said...

One feels the purifying change. One rejects
The trash.

That’s the moment when the moon creeps up
To the bubbling of bassoons.

Doug said...

JJ, my regards to Poopy. His CD is in my car player.

Mireille, I'm sure they've vented.

You censored, t?

Weirsdo, the moon, of all things, should be allowed to rise in peace and quiet.

weirsdo said...

Go ahead--blame the messenger.

Doug said...

Weirsdo, I was lucky in my blame.