Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Other Great Contest Entries

The following are the other definitions of "Man" submitted by contestants. Many are gems and there's a lot more good writing at the sites listed. I may look for an offshore agency to judge the next contest.

Consolation Prize (A date with Pedant Ken):
“Uhm…a thingy?”

Other entries in order of receipt:
Man, n. A creature whose greatest achievement is his own bewilderment. Through modern self-contained, self-operating gadgets which he can no longer understand, and which no longer need his understanding, he has surrendered his general competence and maneuvered himself into his own denouement. His last act will be to blame the French, whom he considers a foreign species responsible only for red wine and strange words in the English language.

Mrs. Weisdo:
“Man: A being who pursues his own passions in the name of a higher good.
Possessed of awesome technological powers, he will one day either
destroy the universe or master all but himself and, of course, woman.”

“Someone rich enough to support me in the style I deserve. That’s a real man.”

Mace: Link on Right
“Man (n.): A surface infection of the planet Earth. Probably terminal.”

“Man n. A semi erectile creatue that has differing states of erectileness.
1) Just having fed ,or full..semi
2)watching tv with a beer ..quasi
3)Talking about cars,golf ,any sport .. half way
4) a night out with the lads .. fully (but useless)
5) forgetting wifes/girlfriends birthday .. doubled over in pain from a kick to the brain
Man adj. Yahoo term for missing an easy pot in pool
Man anc. Disfunct terminology for workers.. Binman, Postman, coalman .. have all been replaced by person.
Man vulgar slang. United or Manchunian”

Whym Rhymer:
Man, n. (see "Fool")
Man, n. The creator of God and enforcer of His Commandments.

Guardian Angel3:
“That's simple.
Man = Da Guy with a peni[censored by editor] at least for the present
Go on...ask something more difficult”

Planet Moron:
“Man, n. A creature who holds himself in such high regard that he is convinced that nothing less than an omnipotent all-powerful creator could possibly have fashioned a being so magnificent as he. Endowed with a universal certainty that only he knows the one true way, is constrained by each and every other member of the species holding equal certainty of the opposite and thus destined to squabble for eternity over matters of religion, politics and baseball.”

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Thanks to Karma ( for assisting Rudyard with his entry.


Doug The Una said...

Jin, thanks for reading through and commenting. I agree that this was an excellent entry and the choice was hard to make. Dissenting opinions are always welcome, although agreeable ones are misplaced.

Kev said...

I'm liking the first one... A thingy... Lol

Doug The Una said...

Mike, like I said there were several gems. I think when literary historians are writing histories of this blog, they may judge my judgement badly. Go to pansifiles.blogspot.come and enjoy.

Jack said...

All very good stuff! Kudos to everybody!!!

Wow! I Got a link with a parental advisory! COOL!!!!! LOL!

Doug The Una said...

Mace, and Kudos to you. Your entry was excellent! For other readers, I highly recommend Mace's site. The parental advisory is just for the URL. It's about the best-written, most complete and honest diary I've found on the net.

Jack said...

Wow.... Doug, I don't know what to say other than, Thank you.