Saturday, October 21, 2006

Ancient of Days

Story #67, the contemporary lesson of a history student.

To hear the story, receive the grace of the Ancient of Days.

To read the story, surrender to the daughters of Albion.

This week in The Prattler, "I Know! I Know!" in which Doug speaks for both parties on national security.


Miz BoheMia said...

Adolescence... an art mastered by fabulous storytelling brothers who, with the magic of their words, transform the most tired 31-year-old (why god WHY?) bohemians into happy, giddy, bubbly, giggling fools...

Thank you for a fab way to start the day and if by the time I post this things are as they were then...


Mutha said...

Holy crap that was good! Having just traveled a couple of weeks ago to a college alumni event, I was reminded of my own frogs and flies. IN my forties I can honestly get what I saw in each web-footed or many-eyed creature. Am I moving beyond the awkwardness? That, or I am finally exhausted by the embarassment.

Lila said...

Another masterful story... and I love your definition. You are so right!

Anonymous said...

Sweet and very entertaining, Doug, and with a nice twist. Investing a fraction of a Saturday at your place really pays off.

Could there be a part, in an expanded version, for a leaping and stabbing stingray as a generally docile, yet somewhat unpredictable, Resident Assistant? Wesley Snipes can play him in the movie.

Some fun, Doug -- thanks.

Anonymous said...

What a brilliant twist! Excellent, Doug.

And your definition explains so many things--no wonder I still feel so awkward.

G said...

Love that Mutha - "exhausted by the embarrasment". I think that fits nicely.

Yes indeed, your stories are real pearls and a perfect one for Ms. Solace. I think Doug managed to incorporate some motherly advice at the same time which is always good. That's my take on it anyway :)

Nicely done. Maybe you should put these Saturday Stories together in a volume as your own "Grim" Fairy Tales.

Sar said...

Wooohoooo I loved this story! I love when you apply your Stephen King twist endings and warped humor, Doug.

"He was handsome and athletic, though small and bow-legged."...

“Ribbet,” he said, squatting at her feet.

I laughed much louder and longer than one should on an early Saturday morning, especially pre-coffee.

Yay for Solace Cai (I think I spelled that right)! :)

Doug The Una said...

Ha, Miz B! Start your day with a smile and maybe film it so we'll know what you look like without the eurocool. Or, maybe I'll have to make a pilgrimage to the city by the bay.

Mutha, "exhausted by the awkwardness" is a great line and the name of my salvation.

Thanks, Aral! That's been my experience although I still have extreme old age ahead of me. I'll let you know.

A, that's a great suggestion but the old stingray barb through the chest thing may be getting just a little too clichéed. Seems like every time you open a newspaper nowadays.

Thanks, Actonbell. This might be my first therapeutic definition.

g, wasn't that a great line? I won't admit to advice.

Thanks, Sar. I'm going to make my coffee now so cheers! (You spelled that right, by the way.)

G said...

Of course not, Doug.

Charlene Amsden said...

I absolutely loved the ending of this story. I am sitting here chuckling quietly to myself.

adolescence that period of life in which consequence are seldom forseen, and often take the shape of things least expected.

Anonymous said...

Ha! Good point. Doug!

On the other hand, though, you could be riding a trend with that character. I hear they're planning to introduce a loveable stingray on "Sesame Street" in January (they're working on the muppet now; hard striking the right balance between fuzzy and razorlike). The cross-promo opps are endless. Think about it.

Ahh, suit yourself, Bierce Boy -- and enjoy your well-earned coffee. :-)

TLP said...

Great story! I don't know how you can keep coming up with such good stuff.

Ah, adolescence! I adored it! I think I'll skip "second childhood" and just do another adolescence.

Doug The Una said...

But tell Tali I suggested to brush up and down not side to side, ok, G?

Thanks, Quill. Your definition matches mine perfectly.

A, I always have wanted to see a deadly muppet on Sesame Street. A stingray would be great, or strangle me Elmo.

TLP, you must have been a hottie and the smartest girl in class then too.

Anonymous said...

i ADORED this story... the set-up, the ending, it was all *perfect*. as was your definition. having been there/done that, and now watching our sons go through the some of the same, all i can say is: Bullseye!

Adolescence: a period in life when one can't see the forest for the bees. [see also: rose colored blinders]

Jamie Dawn said...

Ahhhhhh. What a joy to be swept away by this story of young, budding love!
The only thing cuter than a little frog is a little turtle. I'll make sure I keep RoP here, so that Solace isn't temped to stray.

The amoeba said...

What?!? All that kissing and no prince?? What is this fractured fairy tale coming to? At least you could have turned her into a frog. Oh. Wait. She's already a freshman ... never mind. Just tell her to beware of tadpoles.

The end reminds me of a sticker popular in the great state of Maine. One of a smirking lobster about to be plopped into the pot. Caption: "Eat me."

Of course it's on the web.

So much for the "G" rating for this blog.


Logophile said...

Aaaaaah, nicely done.
I love it!

G said...

I know OC, I try to shed a wholesome light - to hell in a hand basket I tell ya :) ~ G

Puppybrose - that was punny!

Miz BoheMia said...

Eurocool??? Ha, ha, haaaa! More like frozen in front of the camera wandering what on earth is gonna come outta my mouth and so yeah, a frog croak made its way out and instead of shooting myself right there I had to end it until I caught my breath and...

But now it makes me wanna keep this "eurocool" if it means a pilgrimage to the city by the bay! What to do? I need to meet mi hermano I tell you!

Doug The Una said...

Thanks, Puppybrose, and yes, too much honey those days.

Thank you, Jamie Dawn. I understand Dan'l is kind of sensitive.

You're so right, O Ceallaigh. I should have had Dan'l turn into a marine biologist.

Thank you, Logo.

G, if I can't beat'em I'll join 'em. Poop!

Miz B, I think that was you and eurocool. Me falta venir conoscer mi hermana hermosa y eurofria.

Mutha said...

I second the suggestion for a collection of Saturday Stories. Looking for an illustrator?
(she asked coyly)Give Mutha a call.

The amoeba said...

Now you're talkin', Doug!

(That's SC running off into the sunset, screaming.)


Ariel the Thief said...

I feel for Aliandra's pain. she's not the first one that loses her lover because of her best friend, and not the last one, either...

was nice of you to post those picture, white man. Blake and Bierce wouldn't be friends, though, Blake spoke, wrote and drew against every type of slavery.

Kyahgirl said...

Great story Doug. the only disappointment in reading through the comments is that our heroine hasn't seen it yet (perhaps).

Even though it was long, long time ago, you could never induce me to go back to adolescence! It was unforgettable in a really bad way :-)

The Boy from S.A.C.A.D.A. said...

I like fairy tails about frogs why dident he turn into a Prince after the kiss? I will worrie about adolessents when i get there.

Doug The Una said...

Thanks, Mutha. I think this is a collection of Saturday Stories but if you'd like me to post some of your illustrations, I'd be glad to.

O Ceallaigh, let's hear you say "ribet."

Ariel, Bierce shed blood against slavery although I can't tell that he was very kind to the former slaves.

Thanks, Kyah. I have the idea Solace has a lot on her plate.

S.A.C.A.D.A. you're thinking of toads. Toads turn into princes when you kiss them.

The Boy from S.A.C.A.D.A. said...

Mister Pascova: OK, i allways thoughgt toads got you warts and that whitches made soop out of them.

Ariel the Thief said...

Kyah, that's exactly how I feel about adolescence, too. wouldn't want to go back, ever.

Ariel the Thief said...

after all those years I was taught history to me it's hard to believe that any war can be started for slaves. which doesn't mean that certain individuals couldn't join a war with that thought in their heads, though. and you are right, dignified ideas are one thing, meetng their subjects in real life is another.

Mutha said...

By all means, this is its own collection...I was thinking of it having a life beyond its cyber for the illustrations, I'll have to get myself through national Novel Writing Month first.

The amoeba said...

Ariel, the Confederate Revolutionary War - yes the American Civil War, dammit - was less about the slaves than it was about the "slave power". That is, the ability of the politicians from slaveholding states, voting as a solid block, to impede or derail actions that the rest of the nation thought good and proper.

The South was almost a European landed aristocracy, dependent on slaves, while the North was transforming into the Capitalist Paradise, which depended on the ethos of "upward mobility" for all workers - an ethos denied to the slave.

The Killer Angels, a novel by Michael Shaara, has an episode in which ardent anti-slavery Colonel Joshua Chamberlain (the war hero from - yay! - Maine) meets a field hand for the first time. And has him realize that even he, ready as he was to emancipate the slaves, wasn't really prepared to actually interact with a real freed slave himself.

Ariel the Thief said...

about land and money, as always, eh? yes, that novel sounds very realistic. I cannot tell how realistic Margaret Mitchell's Gone With The Wind is, but there's one scene saying the same, Scarlett complains of some woman from the Norths, that's looking for nurse for her children but refuses to apply a black one because she doesn't trust those dark folks. at that point Scarlett makes faces, I guess. :)

Minka said... know I love fairy tales. With a twist in the end, even better. Thsi was a good one...easy, familiar and yet very you!

adolosence: the age when parents become difficult

ps. sorry I am late, I know you set curfew at 22 with me, but the other kids...ok, I´ll go to my room!

Doug The Una said...

Good golly, bad bloghost, Doug.

Boy, that's unless a princess kisses them first. Then they turn into princes and dragons eat 'em.

Ariel, I think that's right, but I like to think some people go to war to help people too, like we'd be doing in Darfur right now if we weren't not.

O Ceallaigh, the movie based on that book is one of the best civil war movies ever, in my opinion. And, yeah, future president of Bowdoin, no?

Ariel, I'm sure all U.S. wars have been fought for good and noble purposes. Thieving natives, anyhow.

Thanks, Minka. You're never late. I'll put on some more coffee.