Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.
A delegation may be sent in to either negotiate, or to secretly wreck negotiations while wearing the guise of diplomats.
Delegation: The way to visit someone if you are not important enough to see them alone.
Delegation: the process of parsing a task in order to share the load and/or blame.
I have to collect myself Doug.
delegation: The required action of senior management.
delegation, a flock of men and women expecting good food, dressed pretty for that reason. those that expect good food but aren't dressed pretty to have it we call homelesses.
Brian - after you collect yourself, will you prepare a delegation to comment or merely delegate to say, oh I don't know, DK perhaps? ;)
Delegation: Diffidence that faltered. (thanks, E. Pound)
It came one day, that a delegation went to the village elder. They petitioned her to intercede in the woes that had befallen the village. They were in fact so agitated that they forgot all decorum and started speaking in loud voices full of despair.
“The crops are failing because the tribe to the North has stolen our water!!”
“Our forest is gone because the tribe to the South built enormous huts!”
“No, No!! Our children are gone because the tribe to the East has sold them into slavery.”
“The tribe to the West is the problem, they have eaten all our livestock and have grown fat!”
On and on the villagers shouted until finally the elder stood up on her bale and shook her staff. The staff of power that was adorned with the male parts of all her late lamented husbands. “Cease the babble” she commanded in a powerful voice,”have you all forgotten the truth?”
The crowd muttered to themselves, “truth is a luxury!” one of them shouted, “we want our lives back the way they were!”
The elder spoke again, “Have you all forgotten that last year we sent a delagation to the North to negociate the sale of our water rights? And that we sold our timber to the South for gold? And that our children have gone East because there are no jobs here anymore, because the livestock has been sold for more and more goods? All of you, in this tribe, had sold your future for a material present. You have no one to blame but yourselves.”
delegation n. (1) : a group of persons working together (2) : a group of persons working to unlawful or antisocial ends; especially : a band of antisocial adolescents
see also: congress
DELEGATION, n. The process of identifying and removing bad laws. Whaddaya mean, no? Damn. We could sure use one.
Can we settle for one that removes bad lawmakers? Have you (in the US) registered to vote? And committed to the principle of E. R. M. G.? Please??
Ever notice? The loftiness of the titles in any delegation is directly proportional to the opulence of the surroundings, and inversely proportional to the expected work rate.
Delegation: The most famous move in the Corporate Calisthenics Class, also known as the "ole heave-ho".
yayyyyy, I'm having a 5-day weekend, so I'm delegating total irresponsibility to myself
hubrcxd: husband cursed the delegate
delegation: A group of people choosen to represent another group of people who are just too damn busy to go themselves. :)
"The perfect bureaucrat everywhere is the man who manages to make no decisions and escape all responsibility." - Brooks Atkinson
Delegation? Hm...I'm going to leave this up to someone else to define.
Karma, nobody gets a five day weekend in a legal way...
when Doug doesn't post on schedule, a delegation, usually led by a Penguin and a Puppy, comes to nip at his heels and force compliance.
Delegation: An army of the faithful,
See Also: The Crusades
Welcome, Oxy Moron. You're right, of course. A crew prevents progress better than one alone.
Sure, Indie, or to pretend you are.
Puppybrose, and to keep responsibility and accountability from blending. Like laundry.
Take your time, Brian.
It's a solemn responsibility, isn't it Joel? The mantle of leadership is a heavy yoke.
Ariel, the homeless are the world's delegation.
Sar! Or should I address you as Snarl? Incidentally, what's a DK?
Nice one, Mule. That Ezra.
Great fable, Brian. *applause*
Quill, hom: regress.
O Ceallaigh, that was a great definition over there. Perfect.
Puppybrose, zealous lemmings.
g, that's how I get so much time to spend in beautiful downtown Sacramento.
Karma, I've never before heard of such nonsense. However will you stay out of trouble?
Sure, CJ. A pride of lions, a delegation of gofers and a gentleman's club.
Wilkommen, gesellschaft. One more is company.
Clever, Jenna. We got ya.
Ariel, that's what I was just thinking. I think someone should check on her Thursday and Friday appointments to make sure they're ok.
Kyahgirl, you'd be surprised how sharp their teeth are. I've learned to live well.
V.I. see also: Help desk.
The result of giving up micromanagement.
A Trojan horse filled with horsesh*t.
Dellagashun: The road that leeds in to Dellaware.
P.S. My mommas always delagashuning things to me that i gotta do.
*wanders in, reads all the definitions* Carry on.
delegation: An impossible thing for me to do.
Delegation: the choir one often finds oneself singing to.
delegation gathering of busy-bodies and/or self-appointed know-it-alls
delegation ... Puppytoes, can you take this one for me?
I haven't read the rest but I'm sure you were thinking about all of us when you made this one up.
ariel/dawg: What can i say except you can send a delegation to me to investigate this. Diwali goes on for a few days, started Saturday. Monday was the only legal working day - but then Tuesday was a Diwali day and Wednesday is Id, both public holidays! So, of course I took Monday off and turned it into a 5-day weekend! If that's illegal, arrest me! :P
delegation~ The means by which all familial social obligations fall to my lot, along with the responsibility for the domesticating, educating, humanizing and sanitizing of offspring.
Quite the deal that Mr. Logo is working
They use that word in the Olympics when the delegates of each country strut their stuff in the opening ceremonies.
That's all I've got. Nutin' left. We gems are tired.
Delegation... I always thought you needed somewhere to send them and well, um, where would that be? so no, does not work with OCDish people unless they come with a solid game plan and good instructions...
I FINALLY heard the singin'! Impressive hermano! It had our kitten Tigerlily quite impressed and trying her darndest to find you by circling my laptop! Had it been me, windows would have cracked and y'all would be deaf! DEAF I TELL YOU!
No definition, but a delegation joke. Stalin himself wrote it, about a visit from a Georgian delegation to Moscow:
They come, they talk to Stalin, and then they go, heading off down the Kremlin's corridors. Stalin looks for his pipe, but he can't find it. He calls in Beria, the head of his Soviet secret police. "Go after the delegation, and find out which one of them took my pipe," he says. Beria scuttles off down the corridor. Five minutes later Stalin finds his pipe under a pile of papers. He calls Beria, and says "Look, I've found my pipe!" "It's too late," Beria says, "half the delegation admitted they took your pipe, and the other half died during questioning."
Of course, everyone laughed and laughed whenever he told it.
A, I laughed, too!
we are going to send a delegation to India to borrow some of their Gods and Godesses and make them holidays. yay!
TLP, it's almost a relief, isn't it?
Ha, Diesel. Right on.
SACADA, moms will do that.
Thanks, Jenna. What's with the clipboard?
Terry, my experience is ravens delegate quite a bit of their work.
Quilldancer, so, it's like an elementary school?
Well done, Minka. And I bet you she does.
Cooper, you guys aren't a delegation, you're a junta.
OK, K. The knock on your door will be our goons.
Logo, marriage is a form. Don't blame me.
Jamie Dawn, you and diamonds are forever. No need to be quick.
Miz B, towncats are my key demographic. I'm still wondering why you put the 'ish' with OCD.
A, I laughed myself. Does that make me a Stalinist?
Ariel, that's great thinking. We still get to arrest Karma, though, right?
Oh, Doug, that's very good -- and yes, elementary teachers were exactly who I was thinking of. Of course, if you ever repeat this, I'll have to deny it.
Ha! If you laugh at Stalin's jokes, you're a pragmatist, Doug. Of course, to get into the room to hear it in the first place, you need to be a Stalinist.
Just one more Soviet political bureaucracy joke (my favorite brand of humor), to push Delegation past 40 comments...
A delegation of American businessmen visited the Soviet Union to tour a factory. It shattered all their preconceptions of Soviet industry. The factory was modern, clean and bustling. Every machine ran perfectly and at full capacity. Every worker was at his task, being crisp, efficient and busy.
"I must admit, this is very impressive," said one of the American businessment.
"We are very proud of this factory," said their guide. "Output is incredibly high. It is the most productive factory in entire Soviet Union!"
"But what does it make, exactly?" inquired the American.
"It makes signs that say 'This Elevator Out of Order.' "
38... 39... 40.
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