Monday, October 23, 2006


DIAMOND, n. A worthless stone, too soft to be given to a beggar in place of bread and too small to knock him down with.

2006 Update: The epitome of romance- as sharp as a grudge, clear as suspicion, hard as expectation and as durable as disappointment.


Minka said...

cool and untamed
to die for

I fell in love with one this weekend!

Ariel the Thief said...

Doug, I figure the first "disappointment" was going to be "desire" in your definition. unless you start and finish a romance with disappointment.

Sar said...

Diamond: A girl's best friend as dogs were already claimed by men.

The Violent Vixen said...

I don't have my own definition for this one... your's is so too fitting Doug.
But anyway, I'm curious. Is there a reason that all of your words for a week or so have had at least something to do with relationships?

Anonymous said...

Diamond: Setting for the great American pasttime and gems of another kind.

Anonymous said...

Diamond: rock quarry.

Doug The Una said...

Minka, until I read your post I thought you must be engaged. What else could explain your being first and not mentioning it? Only an earthquake or equine love.

Oh, bother. Thanks, Ariel, I moved disappointment from first to last and forgot to finish the switch. I'll correct.

Sar, that exchange may have been our last victory.

Solace, this is a perfect example of the rorschach principle. To you, everything looks like a relationship right now. To me, a stone.

Joel, there's another kind?

Puppy, I thought that was Idol.

Indeterminacy said...

Diamond: The cheaper variant of coal.

Anonymous said...

Great update, champ. Unbeatable. Sar and Puppy offered gems, too.

Anonymous said...

Diamond: bait

"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond." ~Mae West

Charlene Amsden said...

Diamond Earth's version of kryptonite. Works primarily on woman, often causing them to abandon common sense.

Anonymous said...

Diamond: Last month's salary.

Anonymous said...

Diamond: Oooh quality bling!!!

I like Sar's definition. I do indeed.

So, um, where's mine?

Miz BoheMia said...

Diamond... oooh so pretty!

What? You expected my bohemian brain to function? Say hard as expectation to a part European perverted bohemian and voilá! Braindead mush!

Kinda what happens when you get an actual diamond...

nfsqrzvr... seriously now! Do y'all get such f****d one?!?!?!? AAHHH! No wit today... nada!

G said...

Love your update you hopeless romantic. Now shine on you crazy diamond.

Doug The Una said...

You know, Brian, in my family it's accepted by common consent that the sarcasm comes from our father but one of the most quoted lines of my childhood is my mother calling my father "a zircon in the rough."

Pocket-sized and unburnable, Indie. Useless.

Puppybrose, bait or surrender?

Quilly, I see you shopped for a new avatar.

Congratulations, Mule.

Jenna, I'm sure there are several about for you. One might smell a little like algae.

Hermana, siempre bastante.

G, I can't remember when I was young.

Anonymous said...

No, not really. ;)

The amoeba said...

DIAMOND, n. Burial mound. Also, the stone used to symbolize that structure, worn on fingers and other parts of the anatomy as a memorial - thus perpetuating, slightly modified, the Elizabethan custom of keeping human skulls on one's desk. HOPE DIAMOND: Oxymoron. Like the Dawg's view of romance ("as durable as disappointment").

"smell a little like algae", eh? What're you trying to do to the poor girl? Drive her irredeemably to the vanilla vodka? I suppose that odor's a little better ...

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match ...

Abracadabra! You're a match! On strike! Oh! Too bad! And you were so ... striking ...


Anonymous said...

Diamond: The now man, who was once on Saved by the Bell who let a icky sex tape leak to revive his "career".

Diamond: What Thea flushed down the toilet. :)

robkroese said...

A mineral used for hardening drillbits and softening hearts.

TLP said...

Diamond, n., An extremely hard rock, that when ground up is useful in abrasives.

Also see, oh, give me something to remember you by.

Anonymous said...

somehow Doug, i'm not the least bit surprised to know your mom paraphrases Dorothy Parker. ("Look at him, a rhinestone in the rough.")

The amoeba said...

Oh, Doug, I almost forgot.



FelineFrisky said...

Always a girl's best friend! It never questions, never tells and always stays. I prefer husbands, though! They shine brilliantly! D :}

Ariel the Thief said...

wow a4g!

Kyahgirl said...

Its just carbon Doug. :-)
But, then, so are we, pretty much.

I would seriously consider giving a4g a WA golden sliderule if you have any left. Maybe I should send him mine...that was brilliant.

The amoeba said...

actually, a4g, it's the so-called "artisanal" diggers, the economic opposite of the indentured laborers (a feature more of apartheid South Africa?), who appear to be getting the dirtiest end of this stick.

Those who love sausage or diamonds, and respect the law ...

Anonymous said...

Several?!?!?! Well...line 'em up, Doug. Sparkle sparkle.

Oh they must match my princess tiara.

Anonymous said...

a4g: that was beautiful. the situation you reference is the backdrop for THIS FILM--which, by the way, is controversial as well, and has more 'n a few folks in the diamond industry concerned, what with its December release, and all. (check out the links at the bottom of the page and you'll understand why)

Like some dogs, diamonds are a girl's best friend, as long as they come with the right pedigree.

Mutha said...

Diamond: The engagement tradition started as a desperate plea for fidelity (which the gem is thought to inspire) and often the first bit of sparkle thrown at its giver when the institution loses its glitter.

Charlene Amsden said...

Diamond -- a mini-history

1477 - the first diamond ring in recorded history to be given as a token of betrothal was presented to Mary of Burgandy by Archduke Maximillian -- thus making the giving of a diamond ring the "thing to do" in monied society.

1947 - Diamonds were no longer considered fashionable, and ladies were choosing semi-precious stones for their wedding sets. DeBeers, who currently control 65% of the world diamond trade, were saved from financial ruin by launching their famous [and still successful today] advertizing campaign, "A Diamond is Forever."

Doug The Una said...

OK, Mule, not really.

O Ceallaigh, shouldn't you be driving her to the vanilla vodka? How else will she get home?

CJ, you really have the advantage on me today. Which who did what?

Diesel, well done.

TLP, abrasive whole too.

Puppybrose! Are you saying my mother's acerbic triumph was plagiarized? I guess you can lead...wait a minute, my mother?

Great, OC. Now you're correcting my spelling of an onomotopoeia. Just hand over the dunce cap, Mr. Golden Beanie. Sorry. Dr. Golden Beanie.

Diane, bless you for your positivity. Back to our regularly schedule grousing...

a4g, that was smart, but you pinkos are always clever aren't you?

I know, Ariel. Me too.

Kyah, a4g has many awards here. You earned yours. Both have the same street value. You just reminded me, though, I've got five bucks on Actonbell to quote a song written by Billy Joe Shaver making that very point if Shayna or someone doesn't get there first. Shake?

O.C...should vote for me.

Jenna, I don't know if they come in purple.

Puppybrose, I'll put another 5 on Cooper to bring up the blood diamonds.

Mutha, they are a lot cheaper than fidelity.

Quilldancer, I had no idea. So it was a woman's idea?

Anonymous said...

*gasp!* NO purple diamonds? Harrumph. And why not? They have blue ones, pink ones, yellow ones. I want a purple diamond! NOW!

fblaz: the rare purple diamond

Omnipotent Poobah said...

Ponder inconvenient would it be if we used diamonds to put a fire rather than water?

Why did I just say that?

The amoeba said...

Yes they do come in purple, Doug. A little bit of iron and cobalt inclusion in the carbon goes a long long way.

here ya go, Jenna. Don't say I never gave you nothin'.

What? You want a real one? Um ... let me connect you to our glorious hosts, Messrs. Brin and Page ...

Doug The Una said...

Yes, Veruca. Of course, Veruca! I insist upon your getting purple diamonds. OC?

Poobah, you were probably thinking of the Water-Diamond Paradox from economics, also known as the Paradox of Value. Thank you for the sophomore year reminder. I wonder where that girl is now.

There ya go, OC.

Anonymous said...

diamond: a many-faceted symbol.

But then, there's diamond music~"Palladio" suite~ simply gorgeous, and no one has to feel pain, remorse, or guilt about enjoying it.

I enjoyed your update, and a4g's was brilliant:)

Doug The Una said...

Actonbell, you so just bummed me out. See my comment to Kyah above. You owe me $5.

Anonymous said...

uh... what about Diamonds on the Souls of Their Shoes? (sorry, but Paul Simon's Graceland is one of my *all* time favorite albums)

Kyahgirl said...

how can Actonbell owe you $5? I think you owe her $5 or maybe you owe me$5? But then I didn't get a chance to shake on it before Actonbell showed up so maybe you're off the hook.

Nah, I'm sure you owe me $5. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Kyahgirl said...

but there's always hope for Shayna....

Doug The Una said...

Puppybrose, no need to apologize for that unless you're planning to sing.

Nope, Kyah. I owe you $5. Canadian, of course.

Jamie Dawn said...

Diamonds in the rough aren't that impressive, but they surely do look PERDY all shined up & stuff.

Cleverly crafted definition, Doug.

Kyahgirl said...

you can pay me in dog bones :-)


Anonymous said...

But on the other hand, she's all they have
She's a diamond in their dull gray lives
And that's the hardest kind of stone
It usually survives
And when you think about it, can you recall
The last time they loved anyone at all?

She's not a bauble you can brush aside
She's been out doing what we just talked about, example
Gave us back our businesses, got the English out
And when you think about it, well why not do
One or two of the things we promised to?

But on the other hand, she's slowing down
She's lost a little of that magic drive
But I would not advise those critics present to derive
Any satisfaction from her fading star
She's the one who's kept us where we are

mireille said...

It's late ... so I can take as much space as I want, right?

Well I'll be damned
Here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you happened to call
And here I sit
Hand on the telephone
Hearing a voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall

As I remember your eyes
Were bluer than robin's eggs
My poetry was lousy you said
Where are you calling from?
A booth in the midwest
Ten years ago
I bought you some cufflinks
You brought me something
We both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust

Well you burst on the scene
Already a legend
The unwashed phenomenon
The original vagabond
You strayed into my arms
And there you stayed
Temporarily lost at sea
The Madonna was yours for free
Yes the girl on the half-shell
Would keep you unharmed

Now I see you standing
With brown leaves falling around
And snow in your hair
Now you're smiling out the window
Of that crummy hotel
Over Washington Square
Our breath comes out white clouds
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there

Now you're telling me
You're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
Because I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes I loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
I've already paid


Charlene Amsden said...

Shayna, Eva Peron -- that was one hard little stone.

"Sometimes it's very difficult to keep momentum when it's you that you are following." ~Eva Peron

Doug The Una said...

Thanks, Jamie Dawn, speaking of gems.

Kyah, you got it. Arf!

Nice songs, Shayna and Mireille.

That's a great quote, Quilldancer. My step-sister went to Eva Peron University, an impressive bust.

OK, everyone, my hops dashed I sing to you all now from memory:

Hey, I'm just an old chunk of coal
But I'm gonna be a diamond some day
I'm gonna glow and grow til I'm so blue pure perfect
I'm gonna put a smile on everybody's face.

Hey, I'm gonna be the world's best friend.
I'm gonna go around shaking everybody's hand.
I'm gonna be the cotton pickin' rage of the age.
I'm gonna be a diamond some day.

Well I'm gonna learn the best way to walk.
I'm gonna search and find a better way to talk.
I'm gonna spit and polish my old roughage self,
Til I get rid of every single flaw.

Well, I'm just an old chunk of coal, now, Lord.
But I'm gonna be a diamond some day.

Billy Joe Shaver

Thank you, thank you. You're all too kind.

Charlene Amsden said...

One last offering:

diamonds unexpectedly brilliant quips posted in the comments section of most blogs -- although here such gems are the norm ....

Doug The Una said...

Quill, that's because the people who comment here are fire and ice, flawless and nice while I'm a heck of a miner.

Anonymous said...

are you drinking? if so, what? if not, why?

kidding... i kid! that was right purdy singing, there, Dawg... and i loved Quilldancer's offering and your clever quip. (oh, but speaking of singing, you're saying i'll need to apologize if i *do*? hmmm. good to know.)

Miz BoheMia said...

No "smooth as a diamond" moves with me... no more eurocool... euroklutz is more like it... thought of you with this one! When I meet you and Minka 8cause it's GOTTA happen!) watch out! Wear helmets!

Miz BoheMia said...

Ooooh! Snuppy de mi corazón is still up! On my way to greet the coming day with yoga! Beddy bye and besos to all of you!

Anonymous said...

this is a night for treats, indeed! first YOU wow us your *best* imitation of Billy Joe Shaver (a man who once said "If you don't love Jesus, go to hell")... and, now, for anyone so inclined to click, there's a chance to see a certain beauteous BOHEMIAN in all her klutzy glory. talk about yer diamond's in the rough. (or is that old chunk of coal?)

uh... yeah... i'm going to bed. right. now.

Anonymous said...

make that: ...*chunks* of coal.

what? i'm tired. very very tired.

Anonymous said...

a4g took mine I therefore love a4g now.

Ariel the Thief said...

Doug is singing YAY! Puppy, you meant the audience should be drunk, right? nah, I loved it. especially the part where Doug is growing and getting blue and purple. nah, I really loved it!

Charlene Amsden said...

Some Days Are Diamonds
John Denver

When You asked how I've been here without you
I'd like to say I've been fine and I do.
But we both know the truth is hard to come by
And if I told the truth that's not quite true

Some days are diamonds some days are stones
Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone
Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds some days are stones.

Now the face that I see in my mirror
More and more is a stranger to me
More and more I can see there's a danger
In becoming what I never thought I'd be

Some days are diamonds some days are stones
Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone
Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds some days are stones.

Some days are diamonds some days are stones
Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone
Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds some days are stones.

Charlene Amsden said...

I know I said the "quip" post would be my last comment for the night, but then you sang and reminded me of JD's song ... and, well, restraint has never been one of my strong suits.

Doug The Una said...

Puppybrose, I'm as sober as a congressman. Still goofy, though.

Hermana, beauty takes many forms and makes many pratfalls.

Puppy, thanks for the sign. I have techtonic tumbling to look forward to and what better way to start a day in Southern California. Especially one that was already going to end in Central CA.

Cooper, you live the life of a liberal but love like a libertarian.

Ariel, I imagine everyone who noticed is drunk by now. "Oh, Lord, make it stop!"

Quill, darling, I'm not singing that, "Oh I got me a fine wife I got my old fiddle..." Restraint is only a virtue in the small-minded and you and I have big heads.

Cie Cheesemeister said...

Sounds like Diamonds are a girl's worst enemy. I'll stick to sapphires. Although I can't afford those either. So I'll adorn myself with cheap Wal-Mart earrings.

Kyahgirl said...

*clap, clap*

Doug The Una said...

Cheesemeister, at least no-one will ever torture you by singing about them.

Thanks, Kyah. *bows, narrowly ducking hook*

Anonymous said...

i'm thinking: *ducks hook, falls through trap door*

kidding! i thought it was great. you make a fine outlaw cowboy. and don't you let anyone tell you otherwise.

Minka said...

You precious chunk of coal, that was amazing. No need to polish you, you already sparkle!

G said...

Ah Minka, that is sweet - and true!

Tali even tapped her toes. How'd I miss this until now?!

Doug The Una said...

Puppybrose, thank's ma'am *tips hat*. For the trap door, I mean. Those lights are hot.

Minka that was awfully sweet. I won't make fun. Thanks.

G, was that Tali's first country music? If so, get her some Merle Haggard quick.

G said...

Sure you'll have her smoking and drinking by 12!

Of course not! We did well, do have a cd "Music of the Applalacian Trail" or something like that. We just call it "Hootenanny" in our house.