Monday, December 18, 2006


DISTRESS, n. A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

2006 Update: The erosion of hope by anticipation of a future discovery.


Anonymous said...

Ouch, Doug. Your update is too accurate after spending a weekend angry at the cruelties parents visit upon their children.

distress that which we heap upon another in order to relieve our own suffering

Anonymous said...

First -- an honor I never planned fighting for because it meant being out of bed before the sun.

Miz BoheMia said...

Ha, ha, ha, haaaa!

This goes back to the guest post about ME!!! Well, the supposedly "collective" me which we all know was truly about me... because, hermano, look at the pattern... "home"... "homesick"... "distress"...

Admit it, it's still all about me isn't it, ISN'T IT???


But shhhh... I won't tell anyone else so that they can be happy in their own delusions while I, well, crsytal clarity be my middle name! FO SHO!

But I will humor all and play again in the spirit and honor of "Shhhh"...

Distress... state of being arising out of an experience known only as "Spain"... 'nuff said!

Anonymous said...

distress: expensive design "element" [see also: $224 for a pair of JEANS??]

Sar said...

Distress: No time to comment now, it's bus stop time!

Anonymous said...

Distress: a haircut; a bad haircut

FelineFrisky said...

Distress - in rubber stamping, a technique where you create an aged/antiqued look using metalic colored inks and a flat tool used for creating worn edges to your paper.

D :)

The amoeba said...

DISTRESS, n. Man, it's a killer to be that tense. Almost like you're working with the children of deadbeat parents or something.

Anonymous said...

Distress: Closely follows the incessant beeping in your ear that signifies the start of another Monday morning.

Unknown said...

what we damsels are subject to

Anonymous said...

Distress: Too many drinks taken, leads to this condition that causes you to distress and dance around in your underwear.

Mutha said...

distress: When Christmas is a week a way and you haven't bought one present.

Hand me a candy cane...I'm off to the mall.

Anonymous said...

Bierce's, for this one, is superior, Doug. So's your update. Ignoring the distress caused by my certain failure to impress, here goes:

Distress: It isn't just for damsels any more.

Miz BoheMia said...

Oooh! Puppybrose! eBay = great equalizer and eliminator of shopper's distress or I ain't a proud owner of Joie, Seven, Earl, and Cult jeans fo nothin'! K_KISH and K-POW!

Anonymous said...

OC -- somebody special talked me through my distress.

Joel -- LOL! My joy in your answer has much to do with two weeks off.

Brian -- spelling lessons are in order, besides which -- those of us who think in pictures could have done without that.

Mutha -- me, too!

Doug -- sorry, you can have your blog back now.

Sar said...

Distress: Unless it's the right fit, waiting for the other stiletto to drop.

Anonymous said...


Since I don't drink, the distress I feel at your displeasure is acute. :(

How's this one.

Distress: The urgent need to return to the classroom and hide all the contraband food and drinks. :)

Anonymous said...

A condition used by women to test the chivalrous instincts of their men.

Usage: "Do I look fat in distress?"

Doug The Una said...

Quill, you can't argue with what works, I guess. And well done, Minkolyte.

Hermana, there are those times in life where every word is a name of yours. Could have been "spider."

Puppybrose, isn't that the way. When jeans with a torn crotch are fashionable, I'll go back to cowboying to make my fortune.

Sar, stay on the curb.

Joe, you can actually build up a tolerance.

See, Diane? I had no idea!

OC, nouns don't have tenses in English.

Joel, it sure seems like Monday, doesn't it?

Karma, same with us dragons.

Brian, just keep off the copy machine.

Relax, Mutha, you still have a week. And you can always lower the performance evaluation for the kids.

Al, you're right. Distress is spread smoothly across society these days like a balm.

Miz B, congrats on your clever purchasing process.

Quill, the comments section is common property.

Sar, way to work in the shoes.

Brian, are you using or not?

Diesel, that's hilarious.

TLP said...

Distress: Being at a big evening office function, wearing a dress that you like and paid too much for, and having two other women arrive wearing the exact same dress. Also see, distress makes me look like a fat-head.

TLP said...

Distressed: High priced furniture.

TLP said...

Distressed: Britney Spears
flashing herself.
So many ways to use this word. So few blogs asking for it.

Logophile said...

It is morning,
it is Monday,
gimme some tea.

Logophile said...

Why are we being informed where Doug did NOT grow up?

Anonymous said...

Distress: a great look in furniture

The amoeba said...

OC, nouns don't have tenses in English.

That's dangerous verbiage, Dawg.

DISTRESS, v.t. To shave one's head.

Charlene Amsden said...

Brian -- I hid the contraband food and beverages inside the children. Wasn't that clever?

Doug -- I'm laughing out loud again. Now I know you're home. Thanks for telling Brian to stay off the copy machine. I m sure that's where he was headed next.

Doug The Una said...

TLP, you can always bring your distress her. And no one will notice if your boss' new wife is wearing the same one.

Logo, I didn't grow up everywhere I've ever been.

Pia, I didn't know that was a look in furniture. You think this is a distressed blog?

O Ceallaigh, I live on the edge. I mean, not the shave your head edge. Anymore.

Quill, kids are excellent hiding places.

Anonymous said...

See Quill! I knew you were teacher of the year for a reason. Clever idea, very clever. Now where is that copy machine?

Distress:When the local market is out of Coke.

Anonymous said...

distress: city cousin of distraught.

Mutha said...

Back from the mall and feel much better.

Lesson: A well timed candy cane can go a long way.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

distress - The state a man finds himself in when caught with his mis-tress.

Not that I'd know about such things.

Doug The Una said...

Brian, that is a cruel fate. Not alcoholic, though.

Good one, G.

Mutha, that's a real important lesson.

Poobah, I guess Omnipotent can mean a few things, can't it?

Anonymous said...

Everyone beat me to the good jokes.

Anonymous said...

goldennib, don't be distressed. They beat me too.
Hi Doug :-)

Anonymous said...

I'm soooo definition ideas. Sigh.

Minka said...

distress: realizing you totally forgot to comment the day before on WA and not being able to come up with a valid excuse.

If this ever happens again, I can safely say that I will be sick and/or have internet related issues :)

Doug The Una said...

Goldennib, they beat me too and I got here first.

Howdy, Kyah!

Jenna, the hint is "Beta."

Not to worry, Minka. There's no pressure. If you have so many things to do with people you like that you can't find thirty seconds to spend here, I'll wait patiently and uncritically until the next time you're bored.

Anonymous said...

Distress: Reality check. Or balancing the checkbook.