Monday, April 30, 2007


MACARONI, n. An Italian food made in the form of a slender, hollow tube. It consists of two parts- the tubing and the hole, the latter being the part that digests.

2007 Update: An italian indelicacy which, had psychoanalysis been invented in Venice rather than Vienna, might have led to a world in thrall to elbow envy.


TLP said...

First, darnit all.

TLP said...

A horse in Camelot.

Anonymous said...

Great new definition Doug!

macaroni: a part of the most confusing verse of song ever created.

Yankee Doodle went to town,
A-Riding on a pony;
He stuck a feather in his hat,
And called it macaroni.

Miz BoheMia said...

FINALLY someone said what had to be said! Joel, I always did wander about that feather in the hat being called macaroni. I figured it must be something I missed seeing that I didn't grow up in the US but if you are confused too, then all is right with the world FO SHO! Phew!

Macaroni... I have nothing.. how do you expect me to be perverted with this particular kind of pasta????

*exasperated, hands flung in the air, the bohemian harumphs away*

Mutha said...

When my brothers and I were growing up my mother let us pick what we had for dinner on our birthdays. I always picked her macaroni and cheese. She made it for me for the first time in about 25 years the other day and I found the geature so sweet that it brought tears to my eyes.

Macaroni: A pasta product with far too much emotion attached to it. See "Comfort foods."

Mutha said...

Also, Doug: I think you need a permit for being so clever.

Anonymous said...

macaroni the least respected member of the pasta family, possibly because it is always acting so cheesy.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

macaroni - Close relative of Rice-a-Roni.

Sorry, I had to oput in the plug for San Francisco's favorite treat.

mireille said...

Elbow envy? Your mind is so unusual. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Macaroni: It isn't just for peasants any more.

The Old Mule said...

macaroni: all the leftover pasta that is shipped to the Americans.

boy do I enjoy a homemade mac and cheese.

Jamie Dawn said...

Elbow macaroni. I get it.

Does macaroni include all varieties of short pasta from spirals to penne to shells to bow ties to the ones shaped like hearts I bought in February?

Anonymous said...

It comes in a box with fake cheese

~Mo'a~ said...

.....and is comfort food for many...but not me :)I like mine in American chop suey(sp)
I think the pony was Macaroni, at least it was in the Camelot that TLP mentioned.

Anonymous said...

lovelovelove your update, Doug, altho' i'm thinking macaroni does have psychoanalytical ramifications (heh) -- i'm thinkin' the term "wet noodle" has all kinds of a masculine (or lack thereof) significance. ; )

Logophile said...

Its Monday morning and I have a standing pass about that, don't I?
You will notice that on Friday I did manage to have a reasonably decent thought. You just can't expect that on Monday, it's inhumane.
With all the elbowing that goes on around here for 1st though, macaroni elbow might be the way to go.

Anonymous said...

MizB you can't pervert tube shaped noodles? Not even when they're limp? Really?? Has the end of the world arrived already?

My mom made this baked macaroni dish at Easter with gouda. She will -not- share the recipe with me. Her favorite child. The good one. The one who can't cook and needs all the help she can get. I just can't mess up mac & cheese.

Doug said...

TLP, a Mony Python joke?

Joel, that song has been explained to me without ever making sense. Here, as a public service, is an explanation that won't help either.

OK, hermana. You can do "penne" instead.

Sweet story, Mutha. A dog license?

Quilly, then how do you explain the august lasagna?

Poobah, I'll be ticked at you for that earworm until someone shows up with "It's a small world."

Mireille, it's cerebral rotini.

Al, you can take the pasta out of the peasant.

Me too, Brer Mule. Me, too.

J.D., I have no idea but it's an excellent question.

Pia, that's real cheese food, thank you very much.

Mo'a, what is American Chop Suey? I'm more than curious and a little hungry.

Neva, I read that chapter in your sister's book and it ruined one of my favorite comfort foods. All I have left are meat loaf and prairie oysters.

Logo, you're welcome on Monday and welcome on Friday and in between. Give us what cha got.

Jenna, you can't have the word "penne." With apologies to your mother, here's how you do it: Boil up the macaroni, drain, put in a casserole dish and melt the cheese into it. Don't tell her where you heard it.

TLP said...

Mo'a~ is right: it was a pony. Caroline Kennedy's pony was named Macaroni. Hey! It was early damnit. And I'm old. Have a little respect. (Can't believe I played the old card again....don't mind me, I'm all tagliatelle today.)

Guglielmo Marconi invented marcaroni, but was too embarrassed to claim it. (Okay. That's a lie. But I like the sound of it.)

Mutha said...

No Doug -- dog license won't do it. There's a form you gott fill out. I think it's a download on

Tom & Icy said...

That was a really good story on the weekend and very nice reader.
But Macaroni? That stumps me. What is the answer? Cheese?
After all these years, I'm still not sure what we are supposed to do with a word. Use it in a sentence? Or give some daffynition? Like edible straw.

Anonymous said...

Sadly there was a bit more to it than that Doug hence her not sharing.

Hm...I wonder if I even have a casserole dish.

Doug said...

TLP, funny is better than true.

Thanks, Mutha. I guess now the 12-part documentary is the soul of wit.

Icy, when I know the rules here, I'll let you know. For now, just show up and if you're funny all the better.

Smoke and mirrors, Jenna.

G said...

So you're a member of the Macaronis then?

Your update is intriguing.

Macaroni - one of the five food groups that's eaten at least that many time a week by the Little People in my house. Oh excuse me, often it's pasta.

TLP said...

Macaroni Penguin: Eudyptes chrysolophus. Where is teh penguin anyway? She must know that there's a macaroni penguin. Did everyone know but me? Huh? Am I the only dumb one again?

The Old Mule said...

Jenna - throw and egg in it too. Not that I cook either. Eggs and Penne? What the...

Sar said...

Macaroni, eh? Hey, how'd you know what I'm making for dinner tonight?! Linguini with shrimp in a garlic butter sauce - mmmmmmmm! Would it be wrong to have dinner before the family gets home and just leave them with the leftovers?

Minka said...

macaroni,n: an Italian way of saying: "Girth isn´t everything"!

Oh, unclench! You started it!

Anonymous said...

-snickers- eggs & penne. It wasn't me, Doug. 'Twasn't me!! There were breadcrumbs too I think. Can't remember I was too busy shoveling it into my mouth. I'll share it with you, Mule, but not Doug, after I beat it out of her. -sticks out tongue-

So...what's a casserole dish and how do I know if I have one?

Anonymous said...

eh -- i'm a fan of lasagna, myself. i mean, what good are noodles without copious amounts of cheese and/or sauce? so i guess that means, basically, that i like my "macaroni" shaped like your head... large and flat.

did i just say that? d'oh! i'm sick -- i can't be held responsible for anything that comes out of my mouth and/or through my fingers today. ; p

Doug said...

G, I'm pretty sure being a macaroni requires more than one swipe with a comb, so, no.

TLP, I had no idea. I'm no ornithologist, but I'm pretty sure ours is an imperial penguin. Mr. Popper's was probably a macaroni.

Mule, it may be well that you don't cook.

Not as far as I'm concerned, Sar. Do the kids and husband come pre-caged or do you have to cage them yourself?

Minka, that's pretty funny but I'm going to claim not to know what you're talking about anyway. Unclench?

Don't worry about me, Jenna. I've been making macaroni and cheese since before you were born. -sticks tongue out right back-

Puppybrose, I'm laughing too hard to respond, so you win this time. THIS TIME!

Anonymous said...

heh.... a kinder person might have said something like: "the best macaroni is a lot like your head -- large 'n flat, and filled with a lot of good stuff."

too bad you and/or i don't know anyone like that. ; P

Jamie Dawn said...

What do you MEAN you don't know??!!
I guess this means I found a chink in your armour of superior intelligence.
Let us mark this day.

Doug said...

Neva, no one ever won a nobel peace prize for a noodle analogy at all. Maybe try bacon.

Well, first of all, J.D. there are more chinks in my intellectual armor than there are grains of orzo in all the bowls in all of Italy. Second, since you insist, the definition of macaroni varies regionally and by culture. Some italian-americans, principally from the northeast use macaroni to refer to all boiled pastas in which case the answer to your question would be yes. However, the majority of americans refer only to the elbow-shaped tubular variety of pasta as macaroni, in which case the answer to your question is no. So the answer changes with context, which is why I couldn't answer definitively.

I just didn't want to say all that. Thanks so much for checking back. For future reference, "I don't know" is the titer of wisdom.

Doug said...

And amen.

Lila said...

Love the 2007 update, Doug. But, you're not well.

AsianSmiles said...

macaroni.. european version of asian noodles. a proof that lots of things are bigger in europe; and lots of things are longer in asia.

tsduff said...

What a funny word of the day. I have tried and failed to like macaroni - I just can't. I prefer pasta with olive oil, fresh herbs from the garden (like we had on the cod tonight) and some fresh grated parmesan cheese. (Sorry - I've got Italy on the brain)

Your update is best - don't much care for Bierce's. More true than not. :-D

TLP said...

Rabbit Rabbit. Get up and post.

Anonymous said...

Rabbit Rabbit. and ditto ditto TLP.

Anonymous said...

Yo! Lazy dawg. You been eating too much macaroni? Too many carbs slow a body down!

Doug said...

Actonbell, that's why we have squaredances.

Aral, save me a wardroom. Big brother's coming home.

Asiansmiles, you're like a whole new angel these days, in different service.

Rabbit rabbit, Actonbell, TLP and Neva.

The Boy from S.A.C.A.D.A. said...

ha! all you grone ups got it rong. Macaroni inventid the radio i lerned that in sience class.

AsianSmiles said...

" a whole new angel these days, in different service."

ahmm... (*think, think*) not sure if i got that one.. all i know is i'm talking about noodles & macaroni :P :P

Doug said...

Right, SACADA. I thought that was Nikola Trestle.

That's what I meant, AS. A kitchen angel.