Special Guest Wednesday

Friends, this week I'm honored to present Em, Lucy M, and Rainbow Lotus, sisters under a single skin. She offers the definition of Retrograde.

First, as a public service, Em provided the dictionary definition:

1. Moving or tending backward.
2. Opposite to the usual order; inverted or
reversed.
3. Reverting to an earlier or inferior condition.
Astronomy.
1. Of or relating to the orbital revolution
or axial rotation of a planetary or other celestial
body that moves clockwise from east to west, in the
direction opposite to most celestial bodies.
2. Of or relating to the brief, regularly
occurring, apparently backward movement of a planetary
body in its orbit as viewed against the fixed stars,
caused by the differing orbital velocities of Earth
and the body observed.
Archaic. Opposed; contrary.

And now hers:
Retrograde, n. the letter grade I allot to
past items, persons, trends, etc that have been
brought back to serve present times. (One must wait at
least 7 years before something can be referred to as
Retro).

Example from the 2005 Retro Report Card:
Grunge Jeans: C+ (Now that stores are selling the jeans torn, it's just not as personalized and cool anymore)
70's Funk: A
70's Mega Afro: A+
60's Ponchos: A++
Yoga Popularized: A++ (the 60's megayogacraze returns)
Platform Shoes: B- (Minus since they are just ugly, but they are still more comfortable than stilhettos)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: A+ (even creepier Umpa-Loompas)
Vegetarianism Popularized: A++ (Hippies and Animals rejoice!)
VW Beetle: B (It WAS Hitler's brainchild... so I can'tgive it an A, but it is cute)
Unitard Cheese Rock: B (The Darkness needs to put out more videos of wearing unitards)
Dr. Who: A+ (That New series deserves the +)
A "George Bush" as president: F (Boourns... now I fear
public transportation and leaving my home 500% more..)

About Em And Friends: Em was born on my 13th birthday and has caught up nicely as an old soul and a youthful spirit. Em suffers from a complex of disabilities/illnesses which would limit most of us but which catalyze in her a cheerful outreach, meticulous study, a fascination with things and people and places and the generosity to share her teeming personality. Her collection of collections is as comprehensive as most folks' collections. I should mention that today she has a critical hearing to determine whether her disabilities meet the Canadian standards that allow government assistance and I hope all of you will join in me in prayer and/or positive thinking that the outcome is good for her.

Em writes three weblogs, The Adventures of Em, a broad diary which rockets from fibromyalgia to Furby, Dead Conversations about her experiences as a medium and a professional site about her work as an astrologer, medium and tarot reader. As an example of her proficiency, she did a reading for today's birthday girl.

To read an abridged version of the birthday girl's starchart, click her picture: >

Thanks to Em for a great guest post and Happy birthday, TLP, adored and revered Blog Queen, matriarch of pezes, poets, wits and wags. I hope it's a great one. Wishing Em success and TLP silliness on this auspicious day.

Ethnology

Ethnology, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.

2005 Update: A canon serving atheists in place of religion, to assure of moral superiority and the perdition awaiting the unfaithful.

Announcement: Asiansmiles is co-moderating an online debate: "Does God Exist," described as a Critical Thinking Event. A dedicated atheist and a devout evangelical Christian will debate between now and Christmas. The format includes message boards on which the debaters will post their arguments and rebuttals, a space for the judges and moderators, and a "peanut gallery" where all are welcome to contribute. It'll be nice to have this settled before Lent.

Asiansmiles was kind enough to invite me to judge so we can be pretty sure there will be points for flippancy even though there aren't supposed to be.

You may join the conversation either here (theist site) or here (atheist site).

Look for the welcome message from the Moderators. Actonbell, you know you want to.

Intoxication

Intoxication. n. A spiritual condition that goeth before the next morning.

2005 Update: A temporary allocation of moral, rhetorical and political superiority. Distinguishable from election by the duration of elevation and consistency of cause.

Big News!!! Sar now has her own website, Belle of The Brawl. Kinda hafta love that name.

Command Performance

Story #20, in which Doug humbly offers a little story upon the request of the Pez sisters and Pia.

To hear Doug's humble offering, click on Pavarotti.
To read Doug's literary submission, stop the queen from killing her poor and noble servant.

The story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On where Weirsdo has a new audiobiography up as well.

Glutton

Glutton, n. A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.

2005 Update: A farm subsidy program with teeth.

Gratitude

Gratitude, n. A sentiment lying midway between a benefit received and a benefit expected.

2005 Update: The foam shed by a wave at the tidal edge of an ocean of gravy.

Happy Thanksgiving, glorious friends.

Special Guest Wednesday

This week it's my pleasure to introduce Julie Goes To Hollywood. Julie has given us the following definition:


Studio, n. 1. A large, gated parking lot where there’s no parking and where movies aren’t made, since they’re outsourced to Romania so there’s enough money to pay Tom Cruise on the back end. Generally run by twenty-four-year-old executives who think Casablanca is a great pizzeria in the Valley, and owned by a soulless Japanese conglomerate whose number-crunching principals only tolerate the ever diminishing profits in hopes of meeting Julia Roberts over sushi at Koi. 2. Exclusive manufacturers of overblown, computer generated summertime blockbusters for the kiddies; gross-out comedies targeting males fourteen to twenty-five; and popcorn thrillers about women in peril starring Ashley Judd. 3. A small, windowless apartment where aspiring screenwriters are affordably warehoused until such time as they either begin writing suitable material for Vin Diesel or give up and go home to Umatilla and stage another tired community theater revival of My Fair Lady.
ant. Sundance Filmmakers Lab, the suburban backyard of Ed Burns, every film school in America or anyplace where two geeks with a camera phone can make meaningful, memorable films for the price of an I-Book.

About Julie Goes to Hollywood: Julie belongs to that great cast of Hollywood aspirants without whom all low-wage labor in Los Angeles would be done by immigrants. Unlike many of her fellows, however, she knows what she's sacrificed to place herself in that line. A former travel journalist with an international portfolio, Julie came to Hollywood in order to publish her own voice in her preferred medium. She attended a leading film school and now shares the period between preparation and discovery in her weblog, Things They Won't Tell You in Film School.

Julie tells us stories not just about her aspirations and the long road to their fulfillment but also the rented bungalow, her neighbors, her dogs, her past, her friends, her losses, snark and entertainments. She writes about the whole Los Angeles the way they did when they were writing for Bogart. I recommend her site as a special advance preview of coming attractions.

How to be a Wednesday Guest: Just send me an e-mail at dpascover at mac dot com and let me know you're willing. On a future Wednesday I'll email you with a word to define and a request for a graphic. You'll have until the following Saturday to return your entry. The only rule is no profanity please.

Meander

Meander, n. [SIC] To proceed sinuously and aimlessly. The word is the ancient name of a river about one hundred and fifty miles south of Troy, which turned and twisted in the effort to get out of hearing when the Greeks and Trojans boasted of their prowess.

2005 Update: v.i. To follow the path of a pioneer or public engineer.

To all my friends travelling this week, a safe trip. Remember, red lights are for the little people.

Accountability

Accountability, n. The mother of caution.

"My accountability, bear in mind,"
Said the Grand Vizier: "Yes, yes,"
Said the Shah: "I do--'tis the only kind
Of ability you possess."
- Joram Tate.

2005 Update: The concern of a candidate for the mischief of an incumbent.

Note: Weirsdo has a new audiobiography on Doug Drones On.

Razor

Story #19, in which a country girl expresses herself.

To hear a farmhand's story you usually only have to ask (below)

To read, hop up on the John Deere 5220, as used in the actual story.



Today's story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On.