Owe

OWE, v. To have (and to hold) a debt. The word formerly signified not indebtedness, but possession; it meant "own," and in the minds of debtors there is still a good deal of confusion between assets and liabilities.

2008 Update: To delay negotiation.  To pre-pay a vacation.

A Fable (for children)

Once upon a time in Alaska, a troll met three gruff billy goats, crossing a bridge. The first two billy goats tricked him into waiting on the third who was large and feisty. Just when the troll was about to set on this last billy goat, the last billy goat set on him and poked out his eyes and crushed his spine and burst his ear drums and ate his heart. Finally, the billy goat tossed the troll over the side into the deep, dark chasm below. As the troll fell he yelled "I need a new bridge..." and the billy goat, who was on his way to Washington to make himself fat, called after him "Then run for the Senate, Mr. Stevens!"

Moral:  It is a lonesome bridge that crosses no line.

INFRASTRUCTURE, n.  The network of public goods serving private interests at the behest of secret associations.  A structure the edifice of which fills the horizon and the purpose for which fits in a desk drawer.

Orphan

ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude — a privation appealing with a particular eloquence to all that is sympathetic in human nature. When young the orphan is commonly sent to an asylum, where by careful cultivation of its rudimentary sense of locality it is taught to know its place. It is then instructed in the arts of dependence and servitude and eventually turned loose to prey upon the world as a bootblack or scullery maid.

2008 Update: The elect child in office.

Oath

OATH, n.  In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.

2008  Update:  A promise of future betrayal.

The Unionville Chronicles

Eighteenth Canto

This week's reading is by my sister, Jenna, who's visiting this weekend.  Thanks, 'Na.  To hear the story click on the dying gaul.

To read the story click on the medicine bundle.

Limb

LIMB, n. The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman.

'Twas a pair of boots that the lady bought,
And the salesman laced them tight
To a very remarkable height —
Higher, indeed, than I think he ought —
Higher than can be right.
For the Bible declares — but never mind:
It is hardly fit
To censure freely and fault to find
With others for sins that I'm not inclined
Myself to commit.
Each has his weakness, and though my own
Is freedom from every sin,
It still were unfair to pitch in,
Discharging the first censorious stone.
Besides, the truth compels me to say,
The boots in question were made that way.
As he drew the lace she made a grimace,
And blushingly said to him:
"This boot, I'm sure, is too high to endure,
It hurts my — hurts my — limb."
The salesman smiled in a manner mild,
Like an artless, undesigning child;
Then, checking himself, to his face he gave
A look as sorrowful as the grave,
Though he didn't care two figs
For her paints and throes,
As he stroked her toes,
Remarking with speech and manner just
Befitting his calling: "Madam, I trust
That it doesn't hurt your twigs."

—B. Percival Dike

2008 Update: A branch correctly attached to the torso of a beast or the neck of a reformer.

Zigzag

ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden. (From zed, z, and jag, an Icelandic word of unknown meaning.)

He zedjagged so uncomen wyde

Thet non coude pas on eyder syde;

So, to com saufly thruh, I been

Constreynet for to doodge betwene.

—Munwele

2008 Update: To make real progress, rhetorically.

Two Roads

Two parties diverged in a forest,

And I wondered which would fare the poorest

Both seemed to be lost, enrutted and wounded,

Largely unready and probably spoon-fed,

Dressed for another clime with different weather,

In green felt, top hats, white gloves and leather.

As the two parties departed the other's company

And I wondered which would first reach their destination, if any

Tired, perhaps, indifferent, most likely,

Meandering confused, outspoken and hikely,

Certain of evil, puzzled by good,

Unsure of the trees and lost to the wood.

But as the parties grew further apart,

And I wondered what beacon shone on each group's heart,

It seemed the further they treaded

The nearer they headed

To the same dark part of the groveland,

Never separated, but for their hooves which were cloven.

PARTY, n. A silo for the fermentation of folly and fratricide.

Happy birthday to Mo'a, I think.

Zenith

ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A man in bed or a cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith, though from this view of the matter there was once a considerable dissent among the learned, some holding that the posture of the body was immaterial. These were called Horizontalists, their opponents, Verticalists. The Horizontalist heresy was finally extinguished by Xanobus, the philosopher-king of Abara, a zealous Verticalist. Entering an assembly of philosophers who were debating the matter, he cast a severed human head at the feet of his opponents and asked them to determine its zenith, explaining that its body was hanging by the heels outside. Observing that it was the head of their leader, the Horizontalists hastened to profess themselves converted to whatever opinion the Crown might be pleased to hold, and Horizontalism took its place among fides defuncti.

2008 Update: The point of relative maximal ascendance, for example, the vice-presidency.

Zanzibari

ZANZIBARI, n. An inhabitant of the Sultanate of Zanzibar, off the eastern coast of Africa. The Zanzibaris, a warlike people, are best known in this country through a threatening diplomatic incident that occurred a few years ago. The American consul at the capital occupied a dwelling that faced the sea, with a sandy beach between. Greatly to the scandal of this official's family, and against repeated remonstrances of the official himself, the people of the city persisted in using the beach for bathing. One day a woman came down to the edge of the water and was stooping to remove her attire (a pair of sandals) when the consul, incensed beyond restraint, fired a charge of bird-shot into the most conspicuous part of her person. Unfortunately for the existing entente cordiale between two great nations, she was the Sultana.

2008 Update:  The purest variant of Swahili as determined by the English linguists who first studied the language on the island of Zanzibar.