Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Rear
Rear, n. In American Military Matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
2005 Update: The part of the body on which a politician makes a stand.
Rear, n. A highly prized object in political circles, as congressmen fight to aquire that of others while protecting their own. It is clearly a fragile piece of matter, as it can never face the door, and the doorknob should never hit it on the way out.
O. k., since Alice touched on it, I'm going to leave this song I learned in college: I wanna kiss her but-- she won't let me. Wanna whisper sweet nothings in herrr ear! I wanna hold her behind closed doors and more. Wanna kiss her but-- she won't let me.
28 comments:
you could rest your coffee mug on mine and use it as a table
Especially in a Rump Parliament??
Congress + politicians = rear. Yep, sounds about right to me.
I'm also reminded of Bill Cosby's comedy bit about his kids: "Enis done pop me in the behiiind!".
I'm over the moon on your definition of this one.
Karma, I doubt that's the highest best function.
Weirsdo, yes of course, Pym and Charles I and whatnot. (Thank God for wikipedia) Great pun.
Sar, Cosby does wholesome humor better than anyone, the fraying last outpost.
Tan Lucy, I suspect puns will be the order of the day. Glad you liked it.
Rear, n. A highly prized object in political circles, as congressmen fight to aquire that of others while protecting their own. It is clearly a fragile piece of matter, as it can never face the door, and the doorknob should never hit it on the way out.
)+(
Oooh, I just thought of another one. Am I allowed to come back for seconds?
Rear: bullhorn for politicians.
Gabriel, I think it's highly prized in many circles. True, politics is where they get the most value out of it.
Sar, that's a riot. Come back for thirds.
Actonbell, I think that's the Pennsylvania Rear of the Year award. (notAP) cracks me up.
Hey Actonbell, Doug said "cracks" me up. *snicker*
(Doug does that qualify as thirds?)
Sar, As I said earlier, puns were going to be hard to avoid today. If I pretend it was on purpose will you believe me?
As anyone who's seen me will tell you, at Doug's place, the buffet stays open all day and all night long.
24/7 food for fodder. ;)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You betcha, all fertilizer all the time!
(Anyone confused about why Sar's last comment is hilarious should refer to yesterday's comments)
Did I hear you say Jimmy Buffet? I'll take a cheeseburger, of course. Then I'll butt out.
Rear, n. The part of Alice coveted by many but touched by few.
Dddragon, will that be for here or in Paradise?
Nonsense, Pia. You've just been feeling to regal for butt jokes.
How few, Alice?
OK, Zack. Did Sar send you?
Oh, in Paradise! (Will Soapy be there?) Hold the pickle, please.
One cheeseburger in Paradise, hold the pickle.
Nope, not through me, Doug.
O. k., since Alice touched on it, I'm going to leave this song I learned in college:
I wanna kiss her but--
she won't let me.
Wanna whisper sweet nothings in herrr
ear!
I wanna hold her behind
closed doors and more.
Wanna kiss her but--
she won't let me.
Weirsdo, my brother sang that song when we were kids.
Really, how do you do it? I WISH I was just as clever and witty and able to be so on a daily basis.
I love reading your ideas!
Tara, believe me, you have the superior gift. I have to say, I'm kind of surprised you didn't take a pop at this one.
It was the best of hinds, it was the worst of hinds.
CA, I thought those were deer.
Ah, so THAT's why it's called a "Rear Admiral"....
Lady, aren't you supposed to be at the beach?
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