Tuesday, January 30, 2007


Once a warrior gentle of birth,
Then a person of civic worth,
Now a fellow to move our mirth.
Warrior, person, and fellow — no more:
We must knight our dogs to get any lower.
Brave Knights Kennelers then shall be,
Noble Knights of the Golden Flea,
Knights of the Order of St. Steboy,
Knights of St. Gorge and Sir Knights Jawy.
God speed the day when this knighting fad
Shall go to the dogs and the dogs go mad.
2007 Update: A bygone hero who defended the honor of maidens, the safety of the homeland and the ambitions of his faith while wearing a mask and robbed, murdered and debauched in every day clothes.


quilldancer said...

Say what?

quilldancer said...

Knight the Queen's consolation while the King chases the maids.

Joel said...

Once had a short but amazing conversation with the "Knight of Bobby" (aka the mouth that roared)pictured with today's post.

Throughout his career he has proudly proclaimed (screamed, thrown chairs, etc.) his total hatred of sportswriters and sportscasters but on that particular day he called me to actually recommend one for a job. I'll never forget his heartfelt endorsement...

"You know how I feel about these @#$%&*ing guys in general so if I'm saying something nice about this one he must be pretty good, right?"

Thanks Sir Knight.

puppybrose said...

Knight: one who rides in on a white horse and rescues the fair maiden, only to dump her down the road, in order to ride off in a Porche alongside a younger fair maiden, a few years and/or million$ later.

(no no... *not* in my case, but i've seen it happen. oh yes, i've seen it happen)

the amoeba said...

OMG, Dawg! A picture really is worth a thousand $%@#s.

Hey Joel! Lemme guess. You don't hire fawning shills, right? ;)

The German word for "knight" is Springer. Guess that's what they meant by "knight errantry".

So I'm jumpy today. Sue me.

Mutha said...

knight: a brave and true lad who served as a cross between a soldier, a vigilante, a playboy, a religious nut, and a cop (would dragon slaying also qualify for animal control?) -- most certainly gamey in that armor.

Anonymous said...

I hope to see one some kday

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Well, when Mick Jagger was knighted, I figured the whole thing had gone as low as it could go.

Ambrose was correct about the lowness of it all, except that he apparently didn't realize that dogs, in general, are far above most knights. In fact every dog I've ever known was more loyal and more of a hero than the knights of today.

Anonymous said...

but why did they wear white satin?

Doug said...

Haha, Quilldancer or Guinivere or whatever your real name is.

Joel, that's a good story. Do you think it was an out of court settlement?

Puppybrose, I guess that's why they call them errent?

Amoeba I'll neither sue nor tilt you.

Mutha, I think you have to vaccinate the dragon now.

Icy, I hereby dub your father Sir Dusty of the Buckeye and the Backyard.

TLP, Sir Willie of The Ancient Order of The Riblet agrees but with a caveat.

Karma, I think the answer was written in a letter. You didn't get it?

Anonymous said...

Is it true that every old maid dreams of a good knight?

Mistress Anna said...

Some knights have a illusionary shellac called shining armour.

Anonymous said...

a particular knight comes to mind: black armor, limbless and spurting buckets of blood, but still looking for a fight.

Doug said...

I don't know, Cheesemeister. I've never been a good knight.

Excuse me, Mistress, but I prefer to think of it as silver varnish.

It's only a flesh wound, Dddragon. Gosh, this is a great word.

kyahgirl said...

Hey Doug, love your update. It just oozes cynicism.

Anonymous said...

Ahhh the black knight. Just a flesh wound.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I love Bobby Knight, he speaks my kinda language... one potty mouth deserves another. {grin}

knighty, knighty!

Anonymous said...

I prefer the starry-eyed definition whereby the knight rides up, rescues the princess (or my case, the girl - I'm no princess) from the mundanity of everyday life, and they live happily together for ever after. All that other knight stuff is brutal and awful.

puppybrose said...

i'm sorry, but the mention of all things Knight kind of screams for a reminder of THIS.

3D: that was the BEST "knight" reference, ever. (good linkage, too, Jenna!) *claps*

little blue pill said...

Puppybrose...you are evil. The Hoff pimping with Kit. Good times. You needed to continue your linkage.

Youtube tart today! And way to lazy to log into beta.

Jamie Dawn said...

I'm right there with ddd and you and the "it's only a flesh wound" knight. That knight is forever stamped upon my memory. That knight has made deep groves on my brain.

Do you think most knights had bad body odor?
I do.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Are you all too young for Gladys Knight & the Pips? Those were the days my friends.

quilldancer said...

I can't access any of these links on the school server! Waaaa!

Jamie Dawn said...

A knight to remember!

Sar said...

Would you prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets...I've got it - nudity!

- Chris Knight, Real Genius

Holy crap, a 3D sighting!!!

cindra said...

A title once meaning something valiant and brave in Europe...now just a title bestowed rock stars.

Doug said...

Kyah, I rarely ooze anything else.

But Jenna, your leg's off!

Karen, I have family in Bloomington, IN and it was funny how many defenders he had there until he got fired. Since then, they seem all to have moved away. Maybe to Austin?

Terry, that's what bears are for.

Puppybrose. Some things could have been forgotten. Some things still should be. In the Batman series the hero was gay and the car was straight. Really, Knight Rider was just the reverse.

Jamie Dawn, I think you may be right. That's probably why they carried the six foot lance.

Not only do I remember them, TLP, Gladys Knight and Ron Winans had a chicken and waffles restaurant in Atlanta where I was a regular. She made me a man.

Quill, you probably don't have to. Knight Rider, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The latter you probably know by heart, the former you'd be better off forgetting.

There's my pun! Thanks, JD! Got a knock knock joke for me? Never mind I'll make one myself:

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Gawain who?
Aren't you gawain to let me in?

Sar that was right out of left field, or, as I think of them, the stilettogrounds.

Cindra, it's because we don't make them kill each other anymore. If we bring back the tournaments the quality will go back up.

I.M. Dedd said...

Gee. No one mentioned Otis Day.

puppybrose said...

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?


Arthur, who?

Ar-THUR love stupid "knock, knock" jokes.

(yoiks... run away! run away!)

TLP: Remember Gladys Knight? heck, i grew up with her music! brace yourself, girlfriend... THIS ONE'S for YOU!

Doug said...

Iggy, my man!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
A Galahad
A Galahad, who?
A galahad in Kalamazoo, now my wife is going there too. If they meet, I guess I'm through.

puppybrose said...

Knock, knock.

Who's there?


Lancelot, who?

Lance-A-LOT of information for one stupid "knock knock" joke, Doug.


Doug said...

Knock knock
Who's there?
Saracen who?
Saracen me to borrow some sugar.

Clearly the medievel knock knock joke is a great fertile and underdeveloped valley in the geography of humor.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Oh thanks Puppy! That was great.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Thistle who?

Thistle be the last knock knock joke.

I used to use that on my kids when I wanted them to stop knock-knocking me to death. Never worked. Probably won't work on you kids either.

Anybody mention Knight Court?

Anonymous said...

Once a king, always a king--but once a knight is enough! (that was a t-shirt I saw years ago, stuck with me)

And one of Ekim's fav's:

There once was a man so beknighted
that he never knew when he’d been slighted
so he went to a party
and ate just as hearty
as if he’d been really invited

I like your definition, Doug:)

Anonymous said...

Oh, and haha about the key comment. btw, we went to ABC and they were OUT of Hoppy Trails! But they did have cherry chocolate porter and coffee stout. We were placated.

cooper said...

I prefer starry, starry knights - http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/2529/imageseb2.jpg

puppybrose said...

because i'm nothing, if not a Star Wars NERD.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?


Yoda, who?

Yoda one who started this, Dawg.

(sorry, TLP, i'll stop now, i promise)

Minka said...


Knight= "Ritter" in German. "Springer" only applies to the chess figure. Thought I´d mention, before we credit the German language with too much metaphoric ability :)

Pascover, I knighted you last year. Apparently it did not mean anything. Apart from knighting people I have one other forte: decapitation :)

Doug said...

TLP, knock knock.
Who's there?
Oberon who?
Oberon out.

Actonbell, bless you for bringing me a limerick! In a humanist way. Cherry chocolate porter sounds like just the thing to kick back with after a long day singing the damned.

Very funny, Alice. Naturally, I was expecting Van Gogh and was prepared to impress you by pronouncing his name correctly.

Puppy, I repent.

Minka, in my case decapitation is a cosmetic procedure.