Thursday, February 15, 2007


Felon, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.

2007 Update: A member of the legal laity whose actions transgress traditional morality, such as a slaveholder in the 20th century, an abolitionist of the 19th or an employer in the 21st. A dayworker, dawnbat or nightsenator.

A Terrible Ogre Day to You All!

Those who logged on before 7:45 TLPST know that I had to be reminded of my own holiday, proving that even iconoclasts are stereotypical.


the amoeba said...

FELON, n. An abbreviated term indicating a member of the FELLOWSHIP OF PRISONS - and hence, yet another example of politically incorrect vocabulary, as it ignores the sorority of crime. Thus, one should oughta be referring to FELONS and SORONS.

You should be more careful whom you let comment first on this blog.

dddragon said...

A frozen melon

(got ice on my mind...)

G said...

felon: a cat whose gotten on the wrong side of the paw. Oh that was so bad, I think I'll post it.

G said...

Oh, Happy Ogre Day - the dead flowers should be there any time now.

G said...

"And I won't forget to put roses on your grave."

Sar said...

Felon: Breaking The Law, Breaking The Law...
- Judas Priest

A metal earworm somehow seems fitting for Ogre Day. ;)

Mutha said...

My kids watched Shrek yesterday as they enjoyed a day off in a snow storm. Could that count as celebrating Ogre Day -- or is that too mainstream? What does one do to embrace this holiday fully?

Felon: I fought the law and the law won (the Clash's version is my favorite by far).

al said...

Felon: A self-serving civil servant of highest conviction, e.g., the mayor or governor of a jurisdiction that, despite barring him by law from voting for himself, elected him anyway.

Minka said...

*growls at something invisible and narrows eyes menacingly, turns back to conversation with mom and returns to own swamp*

I love Ogre Day!

felon: "A painful purulent infection at the end of the finger or toe in the area surrounding the nail. see: whitlow"

the amoeba said...

Thank you, I've already had all the Ogre Day I can stand. Think six inches of snow topped by an inch of ice. The last time I could walk on top of a snowfall without falling in, I was six. We had to move the ridge that the snowplow left in our driveway with pickaxes. I tell you, this Maine weather is positively felonious. Almost as bad as Blogger. There oughta be a law ...

Send chocolate. :)

Sar said...

OC - May the Schwartz be with you. :)

Quilly said...

Felon (s)he of the much televised crime spree and lucrative book deal.

OC -- I tried to send chocolate. They were sold out. You can eat the roses, but they really aren't all that tasty.

Wishing you a miserable Ogre's Day, Doug. May all your roses have aphids.

puppybrose said...

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?


Felon, who?

Felon ice, bruised my ass; felon hard times, was busted flat; felon love, broke my heart.

*groan* sorry, that veryvery bad joke was my way of saying "Icky Icky Ogre Day". i'll go sit in the corner, now, and do my best to stay out of everyone's way...

Mutha said...

*giggle* I like them puppy

Indeterminacy said...

Holy felonies, Bat Man. It would be a crime to try and top Doug's definition.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

(((Puppy))) Good job!

A very horrible, terrible Ogre Day to you Doug! May it be the worst day of your life. How great would that be?

Felon: Doug felon his sword on the way to celebrating Ogre Day.

Doug said...

So, Amoeba, the fates of prison would be morons?

Stay warm, Dddragon. Nice to see your dispenser.

Haha, g. That's a good one.

Ooh, Sar and a bad metal earworm at that. Thanks so much.

Actually, Mutha, the chief rite of Ogre Day is The Frightening of The Children. Were they scared?

Al, the main difference between lawmakers and lawbreakers is whether they show up at the judge's house to eat dinner or trim the hedges.

Thank you, Minka! That was very ogrish which I know doesn't come easy to you.

Amoeba, I put up with a whole day of Valentine's, you can do me this one cruelty.

Huzzah, Sar!

Thank you, Quilly! *sniff* That was beautiful.

That too, Puppybrose, although sitting in the corner is a good way of observing the holiday.

Only a misdemeanor, Robin.

TLP, it's only a flesh wound! *sigh*

mireille said...

Listen up, dawnbat. You can not either smell my new perfume two states away, although if you could, it might be an improvement. HAPPY OGRE'S DAY, sweety! ♥ dougie ♥ xoxo

Anonymous said...

I nearly felon down the stairs at the train station today. Very graceful. That's cuz a Chinook came in and made the ice & snow slushy and I don't do slushy very well (unless it includes tequila and this, I assure you, did not)

Grr...why does blogger never take my first attempt at posting comments?

dddragon said...

amoeba: same here in Pennsylvania! It's scary that a person as heavy as I am can walk on TOP of the snow and not fall thru.


Mutha said...

The children were not scared Doug -- they were amused. So, no dice.

My son had to go to the doctor's today though and was a little anxious...does that count?

~Mo'a~ said...

What?what? A holiday I never knew existed? Well have a misserable one!!!
*blush* I should have known after all it was Ogre Day Eve yesterday ;)
Felon: I know nothing about it....although about 5 years ago I experienced whitlow toe, when I got a splinter from a friends deck, my only brush with felon.

Jamie Dawn said...

Felon: Not a jaywalker, more like a stalker who uses a weapon on his stalkee.

Sorry I didn't drop by to wish you a Happy Heart Day, but I see I made it here for your favorite holiday. Happy Ogre Day to YOU!

I won't have a new post up until the weekend. I've been too busy the past few days, and I'm using whatever spare time I have to visit blog buddies.

Ogres RULE and Doggies DROOL!

Jamie Dawn said...

Oh! Your prayer of credit card debt confession has been heard, my son. Slap yourself ten times and help an old lady cross the street, and you shall be forgiven.

Doug said...

I have no doubt, Mireille. Terrible Ogre Day to you, Madame!

Jenna, you've just gotta quit leaving the house in a sail.

Clever and creative, Dddragon. As expected.

Mutha, sticking a needle in your son's arm would be a fine way to celebrate.

Mo'a, and a dismal Ogre Day to you. Thanks for helping me celebrate. Good day to visit a friend with a deck.

Jamie Dawn, it's always good of you to come by and, yeah, you made the important holiday. Ave Visa. Ave Visa. Ave Visa. Ave Visa. Ave Visa.

AP3 said...

Terrible Ogre Day to YOU! That's all I have to say about that.

The Old Mule said...

Ok, that may rank as one of AB's best definitions..."greater enterprise than discretion.." that is priceless, or a mail train full of money.

Karen said...

Ogre you happy or have you felon!?!

weirsdo said...

In James Herriot's books, "felon" is Yorkshire slang for "mastitis."
Pansi wants to celebrate Cave Troll Day instead of Ogre Day. I hope that's o. k. with you.

Doug said...

Same to you, Sis.

Mule, you kind of have to admire his spin, don't you?

Karen, I'm happy as a clam, grinning like the dead.

Weirsdo, I had no idea, but I do know the procedure for mastitis. Only one case of pediatric rubella can be clearly blamed on a cow I was responsible for, I'm proud to say. If Pansi wants to celebrate Cave Troll Day, bless her but I hope there are no polaroids this time.

actonbell said...

Hey, where's my comment? I wished you a terrible orgre day, and wondered if ogres were more or less likely to be felons.


Sar said...

It's 7:47...

do you know where your post is?

Sar said...

Ahhhh, nothing like a fresh 47 in the morning to start the day. Of course you planned it that way, right, Doug? ;)

Doug said...

Actonbell, I didn't see a previous comment but I thank you for this one. The answer is more likely. The only crime in Ogre customs is kindness to a child and on occasion we kinda can't help ourselves.

Sar, I think it was sitting on my eyelid.

weirsdo said...

As I recall, before better treatments came along the treatment was to inflate the udder with a bicycle pump. Those books were so neat. I diagnosed and cured our dog of sun stroke because of reading them.

Cheesemeister said...

Felon: That jerk Billy the Kid for creating the Death Cheese Clone band. Death Cheese alone was criminally bad, but the fact that anyone would want to imitate them has GOT to be a felony!